hyperawareness ocd, existential ocd, DPDR, anxiety

i used to be someone who was infatuated with nature, life, plants, animals and overall just a mindful person and i looked at these things out of comfort and i was okay with not knowing the meaning of life or why we’re here, but as of the past couple weeks i’ve suddenly become disconnected from life, very hyperaware of my existence and the existence of the ones around me, even my pets. For some reason the things that used to bring me peace now give me fear, Everything feels to real, and its very uncomfortable. I am questioning everything, disconnected but at the same time hyperaware of everything, even my thoughts. I want to go back to the old me, I don’t want to live my life always thinking about the fact that i’m alive and that i’m on a planet, and that, that planet is in space and so on. I just want to enjoy life not knowing again and be okay with that. This experience is starting to feel like my new normal and i hate this. I almost felt like I was going crazy. Someone else dealing with this said “It feels like i unlocked a part of my brain that I shouldn’t have” and i completely feel the same. And now I’m questioning my whole life even life before this experience. I know i’m alive, i know i have a life before this experience but everything feels fake now and i’m disconnected from life. I don’t want to live my life disconnected and questioning everything I just want to live life. Is this my fault? Did i do this by being a self aware, mindful person? I just don’t understand why this is happening to me i’m too young to be dealing with this. I just want to live my life and be content with everything and feel connected to myself and the people around me again. im exhausted, i feel like even when i’m sleep, i’m not sleeping? what is this? I don’t even recognize myself anymore😖

mbfaraoni25

Date posted: 2y

hey i understand you completely! it sounds to me like you’re experiencing some depersonalization/ derealization which is a symptom of anxiety. i’ve had chronic dpdr which is a dissociative disorder. it mainly happens because of anxiety and stress which i can imagine you’re feeling right now. the best way to get past it is to just continue your life like normal. these intrusive and random thoughts are meaningless and you don’t have to pay them any attention, you’re brain is trying to prepare for the “worst case scenario” but our brains are wrong and it tells us lies in order to protect us. it’s making you hyper aware of your surroundings because it’s trying to detect danger. since there’s no real danger your brain is confused and is trying to find an answer. just don’t pay any mind to these thoughts, i promise they don’t matter. i hope this helps :)

bettering me

Date posted: 2y

I honestly feel you, that is very similar to what is going on with me. I don’t want how I feel to be the new normal. but we are going to be okay, I believe it’s best to talk to a professional about this but right now we need patience. And to be kind with ourselves if we don’t know what it is now it’s going to be okay.

୨ৎ

Date posted: 19w

can ocd make you question your mental health?

i have been diagnosed with OCD & generalized anxiety disorder. for some reason, i’ve been very hyper aware of everything. like the way i talk, the way i see the world, how certain things sound/look/feel, and it’s very distressing. i feel like the hyper awareness makes me afraid of things? like for some reason, my mind attached to cartoons, and i was hyperfocusing on it, and got extremely scared, like scared of the cartoon for no reason? i’ve done this a lot, and i get scared i have psychosis or schizophrenia, or something that makes you afraid of things for no unknown reason. i feel so scared that this is my new normal…. im heartbroken. so many what if’s. did i just ruin my own life?? 💔

user23456789

Date posted: 13w

Existential OCD

Hey guys so I’m new here and just recently started struggling with some health ocd and thinking I had a brain tumor but it’s taken a turn for the worse and become this existential ocd where I’m questioning quite literally everything in my life, the purpose of being here and stuff. I just started meds yesterday, which is scary for me cause I’ve never been on them before. I keep having thoughts like, why does everything feel like a blur, what’s the meaning of this and I wake up every day with just existential dread. I’ve been having very vivid dreams that make dreaming and reality confusing I also am scared cause I’m dealing with some DP/DR as well. I just wish my life could go back to a few months ago before I knew all of this was possible. I guess I’m just writing this too get it off my chest and see if any of you all have gone through something similar and made it out okay?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4w

Just looking for someone to relate to :)

I recently got diagnosed with OCD back in May of this year. What started it was a month prior, I took an SSRI which triggered an extremely intense couple of days due to panic attacks I’ve never had before. I’ve never had panic attacks but pretty intense anxiety. That’s when I started experiencing DPDR and hyper awareness. I’m good some days, but other days it’s so so hard. Especially because I have no one around me that understands. The DPDR and awareness of every feeling, thought, and just overall awareness of my existence gets really overwhelming. I feel like I’m losing my mind. It’s really hard to sit with my thoughts especially when they’re on a constant loop of every little thing I’m thinking and doing and on top of that feeling like I’m in a dream. I desperately just want to go back to how I was 4 months ago, but I know that’s just not possible right now. If anyone has experienced this and is doing much better now or even currently experiencing this please let me know! I need someone to relate to lol

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hyperawareness ocd, existential ocd, DPDR, anxiety

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