- Date posted
- 2y
It has been a year
It has been over a year since I took off college to work on my OCD and I still am not really feeling ready to go back. I feel stuck
It has been over a year since I took off college to work on my OCD and I still am not really feeling ready to go back. I feel stuck
I’m in the same boat. I did school for a year, couldn’t do it anymore and dropped out. Took a year off. Tried to do school again for a year, couldn’t get myself to do anything. Didn’t have the motivation. College is not for everyone. Just reading something would make me extremely anxious and make my OCD worse. And also my OCD would make it hard for me to do schoolwork. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Take your time to get better and get busy doing stuff you enjoy. Maybe get a job doing something you like so you feel like you’re accomplishing something and also making money. Or just take some classes doing something that takes your mind off things. Whatever you feel comfortable with! Good luck and I hope you feel better. Give yourself some time and you’ll figure it out.
I don't want to disappoint you just telling my story. 5 years ago I left a PhD program for the same reason. Know I wish I had never done that.
Don't let OCD stop you from achieving your goals. I know it's hard, but you don't want to look back and see that this preventes you from living a fulfilling life. In fact, isolating yourself from these things may make OCD harder to break from since you've shown it that it can tell you how to live your life.
It's been five years since I quit high school to work on my mental health. The best thing I found to do is to find a way to start slow and do a little bit of course work to keep yourself busy/distract yourself from your OCD. It can feel good to accomplish a worksheet, or finish a chapter in a textbook. I found it also helps to look at where your education could get you. Be excited by the cool things you could learn and contribute to. But most of all, just take a deep breath, practice self-care and keep yourself busy.
Did you do ERP therapy? What’s your values?
Yes, I am currently in ERP therapy. I guess I don't fully understand the second question.
I had avoided a lot with school specifically, but I did do it in other areas of life as well. School for some reason has been the biggest trigger that sends me into avoidance and it has been for the longest time. Does anybody relate? If so, what did you do to help besides therapy? In high school I used to sit in the bathroom stalls for hours so I could avoid going to classes. I was struggling to keep up because my OCD makes me perfect my school work so much so to the point where I’d never turn it in because I’d never be satisfied with what I’d produce. I’d get so incredibly frustrated with myself and the fact that I could never meet my own standards, never mind the rubrics given. I took ages analyzing all my writing, all my answers, all my google slides and I burnt myself out. So I stopped trying. I stopped turning in work because I’d never be satisfied. I’d cry because I felt I wasn’t good enough. Then I’d be missing assignments, getting them done but not submitting them because I was too ashamed. So, I avoided classes because I’d be in trouble or be called out for not getting anything done. Unfortunately this habit bled into my first year of college last year, and OCD coupled up with depression, made going to the dining hall and attending classes even worse. So I avoided it all together. It’s so hard being a freshman in college, so so hard. I unfortunately failed out of that school but I tried to medically withdraw either semester. No, I wasn’t partying, or drinking or smoking or hanging with the wrong people. I was a college freshman struggling with ocd and depression. I’m trying to not make excuses for myself either because I’m well aware this is my fault and I’m trying to reverse it now at community college. Right now I’m trying to get those Fs turned into Ws from my old school so I can fix my gpa. I want to transfer, I want to be a forensic psychologist, I want to be independent, I want to be ok. It’s gonna take me so long to transfer from community college but that’s on me. I’m willing to put in the work. I’m so embarassed, please help me.
I’m so scared I’ll be stuck in this forever soo soo scared
I’m 21. The 3 year anniversary of my graduation from high school is soon. Lately, I’ve been worried about where I’m going in life and if it’s even worth it because I don’t know why I exist or what my purpose is After graduating I lost a new job I loved due to poor management on my boss’s side, they failed to teach me my job then fired me for it, and moved from my mom’s house into my dads house due to issues with my stepdad, both of which put me into a depression. I got a new job 3 months later. But ever since being fired and moving out, I feel like I’ve been in a depressive cycle of Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat. I’ll get home and doomscroll for hours, and occasionally play games with friends at nights. Occasionally I’ll do my hobbies but usually feel guilty for it. I don’t see my friends and family nearly as much as I used to. I want to, but it feels like everything I want to do, my intrusive thoughts find a way to keep me at home. “It’s a waste of time.” “You need to be productive on your time off or you’ll go nowhere in life so stay home.” But then if I stay home it’s “you need to go out and do something.” “You’re being unproductive sitting at home all day.” “Seeing them wont make you feel better, you’ll never be happy” My girlfriend lives 6 hours away and is usually the only time I’d go outside and live and feel in the moment, but even then I’d feel guilt. I feel like my OCD makes me feel guilty for everything. She’s helped me a lot, but lately we’ve had a few issues we’ve worked past that made me fear for losing her too. I’ve felt depressed for years now. Before being fired, I usually felt pretty good and was almost normal feeling. I’d had control over my fears and intrusive thoughts of suicide and the meaning of life, and had accepted them and wasn’t afraid. I knew it wasn’t me. But lately I’ve been trying to push myself out of this depressive cycle, and it’s made my OCD and fears of suicide and if life has meaning, come right back. I’m handling it slightly better, but it’s still hard. I just want to move past this and stop questioning why I’m even doing anything, if I want to end it all, when I know for certain I don’t want to and that I get to make my own meaning in life. I have dreams, I want to get back into art. I want to move in with my girlfriend eventually and start a family. But my OCD makes me so scared to even try to make art, and it makes me so scared I won’t be happy or content with my dreams. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like life will pass me by while I’m stuck feeling this sad and scared. It sucks, but I’m trying my best to get there. Gotta keep moving
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