Anxious

im new here! this is the first day ive really started understanding that i may have OCD. and now that i read about it im so off put by the fact that no one around me noticed this is what i have been struggling with. (my family members are in the mental health field of work) i struggle mostly with what i think is rOCD. it’s been debilitating this past week, but i feel okay right now. i think covid and moving out of my childhood home and in with my partner during lockdown combined really inflamed this problem for me. right now im just working on accepting that i may suffer from this and accepting what that might mean for my life in the future. im diagnosed bipolar currently which i have been able to manage un medicated for about a year now. but this feels different, and i hate hate being medicated, but i feel like i may need to be until i learn some coping mechanisms for this particular problem. just a lot to think about. any thoughts on medication and how to get past the thought that you’re changing yourself by taking it? anyway love to you all, we’re gonna be okay 💌🤝

I really hope I'm not alone. Today after experiencing (what the hospital said) was a complicated migraine, and being given drugs I've never had before, I've spiraled terrible. I have been panicking for about 4 hours now honestly because I read about side effects and risks, also even though i specifically asked would they interact with zoloft and another med I take, they said they don't but multiple drug interaction websites say otherwise. I just took my first dose of zoloft last night because it has saved my life in the past and I'm at the point where I need saving again. Now I can't take it for like 24 hours and I am feeling trapped in my panic with no escape. Here's the kicker, in my catastrophizing, I have been ruminating on if something actually happens with my health and I need an ambulance I'll freak out and legit lose my mind and they won't give me anything to calm me down and I'll get locked up in a psych ward or something. Like if i have a medical event all im going to be thinking about is ima die ima die and I'm going to be flailing and freaking out. Today I'm scared of being scared. I've felt that before. It used to keep me from wanting to go anywhere. I feel so exhausted. Does anyone understand what I'm even saying?

Hi! Thankful for this space where I can talk about things that are way too TMI for other people! I’ve had ocd for about 3.5 years now and have always been terrified to start a medication due to possible side effects. My ocd started as sexual orientation/relationship ocd and I was always so afraid that the medicine was going to take away that attraction from me and leave me feeling like my fears were true. I tried 4 separate times to take a med but never took it longer than I week because I got so anxious of the side effects. I’m getting married next year, and we’re waiting to have sex until we’re married. Mentally, I am unwell and probably should be medicated, but I’m still so scared of the side effects!!! I don’t want my first sexual experiences to be while I’m having a side effect from a drug, we’ve been waiting for 4 years and I really don’t want to throw sexual side effects into the mix of that. Additionally, I’ve heard people talk about how meds numb their emotions, and I want to be feeling happy and excited throughout this season of life! I don’t want meds to suppress me, but I need my anxiety suppressed. I feel stuck