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If this helps my parents have broken up 4 times before they got married and now they’ve been married for 20+ years. It’s never okay to bring up breaking up in a relationship but that doesn’t mean accidents don’t happen especially if alcohol was involved. I worry so much about being toxic too and struggle a lot with ROCD. There’s times where I’ve said “do u want to break up” or “i dont know what to do at this point” etc which I know is wrong but I don’t think me and him are toxic together. As long as you made clear it’s not okay with you and he doesn’t do it again I’d say be gentle with yourselves and try to move past it together :)

I’ve also definitely said things I shouldn’t have impulsively. Never saying we’re dont or that we’re breaking up but stuff I didn’t mean and would deeply regret afterwards. I also cant remember exactly what those things are because we’ve moved on and apologized and he’s said things he didn’t mean as well to me. I know my parents have done the same. Not that it’s a good habit to make but in relationships things won’t be perfect all the time and mistakes happen.

Hey :) people can definitely say things they don’t mean while they are triggered. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are toxic. People make mistakes. Your partner has apologised, and you have stated that this can’t happen again/ it wasn’t okay. To move forward I would now treat the ocd around this. Refrain from getting any more reassurance about the issue (from your partner, or us), don’t ruminate on the issue, or try and problem solve it (there isn’t a problem to solve). I hope this isn’t to much reassurance giving! I think sometimes it can help to hear from other people that now is the time to engage ERP. ❤️

Also- give yourself a bit of a grace period, arguments can really shake us and you may need a bit of time to get over it. Be kind to yourself while you focus on moving forward.