compulsions SUCK ! (vent)

I feel like my compulsions are taking over my life. Every freaking night i spend so much of my time doing and redoing all my actions from walking up the stairs to crossing a certain part of my room to getting it o to bed. i close my bedroom door like 9 times until it “feels right” and have to sing songs and focus on bones in my body just so that i don’t have a negative thought so that i don’t have to do it again. I’m so over it. i feel like i waste so much time stressing myself out about my thoughts and not having the thoughts so i do things to combat and distract from the thoughts and i just feel freaking insane. yes my medication is helping and makes be wayyyy better than i was three years ago but it still feel like it’s taking over my life. i cant stand it and i feel like the more i do it the more i’m getting g comfortable with other people seeing me do it which just means i’ll do it more. i just can’t !!! so many thoughts and so many actions and it’s all based on people i love so i feel guilty if i dont do the compulsion. And even when i realize that this is all ridiculous and that’s it’s apart of my OCD, i just get sad because i’m still going through with the compulsions and start thinking about how this is my life and how i’m stuck doing this stuff forever!!

Username: moonjoymoonjoy

Date posted: 1y ago

i hear you, but ,youre not stuck like this forever . i really suggest doing exposure therapy. that’s been proven to be the best way to recover from OCD. my suggestion is starting out gradually & limiting a certain compulsion ( for ex, only close ur door once and even if it feels wrong or gives negative thoughts, then you’d sit thru the thoughts ) . it will be extremely hard, i understand it’s easier said than done, but you got this.

Username: moonjoymoonjoy

Date posted: 1y ago

@moonjoy then id say limit yourself to 2 compulsions a day for a little while and then 1 . even if u mess up, that’s apart of recovery, so don’t beat yourself up. just keep trying

Username: illbeatthelibraryillbeattheli...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Thanks for sharing. I go through very similar behaviors -- it took 10 minutes to walk up some stairs earlier...then I start avoiding stuff because what am I going to have to do if I start? And recently started getting comfortable doing it more in public, which is...really helpful but like you said maybe encourages it. Based on people I love -- same. I get how much it sucks. It helped me to read your post.

Username: Steven55!Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Question: do you have a therapist who incorporates ERP therapy, along with the meds?

Username: Celi

Date posted: 3y ago

i wanna fucking scream and cry over my intrusive thoughts. it's incredibly disturbing and won't stop. i can't stop it. i can't not perform a compulsion(every though it only makes them worse, and i can't ignore it. i hate this. i hate myself. i just want to go to sleep without thinking about this please. i feel so sick and ashamed of myself. i'm genuinely so scared i'm gonna hurt someone. idk what to do anymore. i just want help.

"Pure" OCD

Username: stacie:)

Date posted: 1y ago

exhausted

i just want to go to sleep for my classes in the morning but i still feel the need to do all of these compulsions or said thing will happen. this is so exhausting i want out of this routine based lifestyle. it has become debilitating.

Username: tiffanylol

Date posted: 1y ago

can’t take it anymore

the past day or so has been awful. my intrusive thoughts and just overall ocd has been nonstop. it’s constant thoughts that say horrific things about people, communities, friends, and a lot of thoughts even say slurs. i feel like i always have to react to them or else i’d be agreeing. for example, this morning i was brushing my teeth and i started worrying about a wisdom tooth removal coming up. my ocd was telling me that while i’m loopy or put asleep i’ll say the horrible things that my intrusive thoughts say. while still brushing my teeth i began to zone out in these thoughts and they were more vivid. they were of me in a dentist chair, knocked out, saying a slur or something, and then a few other random intrusive thoughts popped up. it was then that i stopped zoning out (still brushing my teeth) and my ocd freaked out and said that while “i” was thinking these things, i was repeating them out loud (since my mouth was moving from brushing my teeth). it was at this point that i literally couldn’t remember what had just happened and tried to think or “remember/recall” what the ocd/intrusive thoughts said, causing the ocd to repeat all these horrible things. i just don’t know what to do anymore. i can’t resist compulsions because every time i do, something worse pops into my head. i can’t tell the difference between reality or not within these thoughts. i can’t remember anything. did i just say this? or that? constant questioning. i hope this made sense, and if someone is still reading this far i apologize for wasting your time but i do appreciate it. just really stuck and confuses and panicky right now

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compulsions SUCK ! (vent)

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