help! anyone else go through this?

is something wrong with me? ROCD! Hi guys, so for about a two weeks I have been having these really bad unwanted thoughts thats says “you don’t love him anymore” “what if you never loved him” “you should break up with him” and questions like me questioning if i’m attracted to him. I have had these thoughts before but they always went away and come back again. I told him about the thoughts and he has been very supportive but I don’t know what to do all I do is cry and feel all this guilt. But out of nowhere like 2 days ago I started to feel empty like the thoughts are true and i feel horrible. I don’t want to end the relationship because I absolutely want to be in the relationship. But now i don’t feel anything, Im scared to say anything to him about this because I don’t want him to leave me and ruin our relationship. I even started to have thoughts about his friends and it wont go away. I don’t even like his friend barely even communicated with him. please help!! anyone experience the same thing?

bayleaf 🌱

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Yes this is 100% ROCD. Your obsessions are very common in ROCD. Tell yourself you don’t have to make a decision right now. You can think “ok maybe I love him maybe I don’t but I don’t need to break up with him and I also don’t need to marry him right now so I will deal with that later” and try to avoid seeking reassurance as it’ll only make it worse.

nicolee!

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous thank you!!

redtree6767

Date posted: 2y

Remember OCD can cause intrusive FEELINGS as well as thoughts. They can be harder to deal with in a way because they are less concrete, plus you might feel like they reflect your true self deep down. This is not true. They are intrusive because they are counter to what you actually believe and feel. However the nature of an intrusive feeling means that it's almost impossible to feel your true feelings, love, security, attachment, attraction ect. Because they are being replaced by fear. I have gone thru this with my fiancee a lot. The less power you give these thoughts/feelings the better. Easier said than done I know... But try not to worry about them. It's "just your OCD" as I tell myself.

Lucy vs Bad ...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I really needed this. Thank you.

nicolee!

Date posted: 2y

@redtree6767 Your true feelings for your fiancee came back? Im so confused with this feeling Idk what to do

nicolee!

Date posted: 2y

@redtree6767 I feel so numb and empty. I really don’t want end things with him he makes me very happy

redtree6767

Date posted: 2y

@nicolee! - There is your answer! Yes my feelings for my fiance come and go. Actually, I've learned that this is true even for Neurotypical folks too. Especially in long-term relationships, strong feelings of love aren't present 24/7. We make the choice to be with our partners because we know intellectually that they make our lives better. If we relied purely on our feelings, we would be breaking up with people as soon as we lose that "spark". Hell when I proposed to my fiance last year, I was having intrusive thoughts about her poising me, and intrusive feelings of fear and distrust. At the time I felt so bad that such a beautiful moment was spoiled by it. But I'm glad I can look back at the pictures from then and still be happy. Deep down the love was there, I just couldn't feel it at the time. Once you get over it this time, I can't promise it won't come back. I went through a bad bout of it recently after my mother died. I was seriously worried I had schizophrenia because I was having intrusive thoughts about my fiance poisoning me. Plus all the feelings of fear and distrust that go along with it. Talking to me therapist helped me a lot. And I'm doing much better now. I hope the next time it happens, I'll be better prepared and I can work through it just like I did this time, only faster and maybe by myself. Or I might need help again which is ok too. All that to say, you may have to deal with these feelings coming and going in your life, and during that time you will have to remember the intellectual reasons you are with you partner, remember that they have made you happy in the past, that you have felt feelings of love for them in the past, and that you WILL feel those good things again, after you get through what you're currently going thru. Best of luck to you dear! Message me if you need to talk

nicolee!

Date posted: 2y

@redtree6767 can we message privately?

redtree6767

Date posted: 2y

@nicolee! - Sure, do you know how to do that? I'm new to the website

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Yes i have had the same experience

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

i need help, i dont know what is happening

I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

please read- rocd… or is it? im in agony

Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me

cmax20

Date posted: 10w

ROCD

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

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help! anyone else go through this?

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