Missing the old me

I’m new to this app and really happy to be within a community of people working through same thing. I have been working through contamination ocd since the start of the pandemic. It’s debilitating mentally. It just wants me to seek certainty in every compulsion and also reassurance and researching online incessantly. Anyone else struggle with this specific ocd? Wiping down doorknobs every time someone touches them. I can’t even sit outside in the grass I’m afraid of the pandemic. I won’t touch my groceries for three days. I miss my old self. I literally feel like a different person since March.

Hi everyone. First time here. I suffer from Contamination OCD. I have a good support group in friends, family, and my boyfriend, but I have not met anyone else with OCD and I needed to reach out to others to find help. I first got OCD when I was 17 (I am now 33) and was able to go into remission, but COVID brought it back. I was struggling at work (which was outside with the public). I found a therapist and she wrote me a doctor’s note suggesting I be allowed to work from home. My work was not accommodating at all and only offered me FMLA leave, so I took it as my only option and eventually got on Short Term Disability. The whole process took forever and was incredibly stressful. My leave was supposed to be a time of healing and it just made my OCD symptoms worse. My employer basically treated me as though I was trying to get out of work and proved to me that though they talk about the importance of mental health, they don’t take mental health seriously. I ended up having to leave my job “involuntarily due to health reasons” as they would not grant an extension nor let me return with any restrictions/accommodations. My therapist seemed good at first, but it became clear that she wasn’t really helping me. She would often use our sessions to vent about the insurance company and in one session, she basically called me a hopeless case and kept saying “I don’t know. I am concerned. I don’t know how you are going to be able to function” and threw out the word hospitalization, though she did backtrack on that one. I struggle everyday. I am worried that something from outside of the home touched something clean and is now contaminated. I need help working through this. I am constantly looking for reassurance, question if things are clean, wash my hands, use too many disinfectant wipes, and take showers upwards of 50-60 mins. I feel like my mind is being taken over by my OCD, I’m losing time, and it’s straining my relationship. For anyone who is struggling with contamination OCD brought on by COVID - any tips? My therapist never gave me anything specific to work on with this - to help me focus on something else. I am in the process of finding another therapist, but until then - any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Hello everyone, I'm new here and have severe contamination ocd that has been happening the past four years since I was 20. I'm 24 now and it seems to be getting worse. I don't want to be around kids because I know they're germy little gremlins and carry the main thing I fear that caused my ocd to worsen. I shower whenever anything above my chest has been touched (neck, face, hair). I wash my clothes after one wear because they feel contaminated after the use. I refuse to let people touch my bed or clean clothes. If I hear that anyone in my family is sick I freak out intensely and have to stay away from them. I also shower if I've been in public and people were coughing near me. If I don't feel like showering and that my above triggers aren't contaminated I just wash my arms up to the elbow and go to sleep because I sleep in short sleeve shirts and my arms touch everything all day. I refuse to touch my face, neck or hair after touching my phone or anything else. I bring a travel blanket with me but have to wash it after every use. I use my shoe to open doors and press the cross walk button. If I can't use my shoe I use my pinkie and immediately handsanitize sometimes twice just to have my hands feel clean. I have to use a utensil to eat when in a restaurant and would ask to change it if I see it touch anything. I work at a place that requires me to use a phone so I have to shower and wash my ear. I hold my breath when walking past people. I can't sit back in the car or on the couch because it'll contaminate my neck and hair. I also have to do a double wash with my hands to feel clean. I used to do it for 20 seconds but I do the hand wash for 20 the 1st time then 30 for the second. I can't wear purses with straps that touch my shoulders, same with back packs. And I use so much soap and lotion that don't help keep my hands moisturized. And if I get triggered by anything I sit there in a quiet rage and ramble in my head because I know saying anything out loud will have me look crazy. There are times though that I get angry and close to tears when it feels like I've been contaminated and when my family makes fun of me for things I feel I have no control over especially the intrusive thoughts, emotions, anger, fear, and tiredness I feel on a daily basis. I'm scared of doing exposure therapy because I know they'll have me touch something contaminated and have me touch my face and not wash it how does that help it'll just make me angry.