- Date posted
- 2y
looking for someone’s perspective?
so I just wanted to say everyone that has ever responded to any of my post has been extremely kind and everywhere else people just Judge and do not give a shit. this reason 1 why i wanted to ask this on here. #2 i do have OCD as well as BPD so my obsessive thoughts are on go mode all the time. i’m really struggling with this one. i’m wondering what someone else’s thoughts are on my therapist. this question is about the anxiety of trying to figure out what to do with this relationship? 2 years of almost 4 the relationship was very toxic, no therapy, nothing was being worked on, i physically hit him sometimes, among other things. over the last year i don’t hit him and these extreme rage fits only seem to happen when life is too overwhelming. ie: 3 days ago i lost my dog, almost died and got killed in a road rage incident, and then there’s been an ongoing issue that has been affecting our relationship about people that witnessed one of our scream fights 2 months ago. it’s gotten better i can admit. but every single time we argue , and like for instance two days ago it got to that point again. everytime we argue and when it’s bad, when i don’t self regulate i just feel like nothing will ever get better and that we should have just ended it. i have expressed the past to my therapist, how i just keep thinking that i’m this terrible person and that the relationship will never be good. she says i need to stop getting on reddit comparing my relationship every 5 seconds but idk i could be overthinking this (i have OCD) like i just can’t see the forrest from the trees. but my bf has gotten i would say 75% better. and i get happy when we are able to communicate but times where we can’t, im not able to realize it as just a mistake bc i have no self worth. but the point being is my therapist wrong? like i feel like the screaming shouldn’t still be happening and i just tell her “well why should we stay together if i just fear all the time” and she was like because genuinely we have a good balance and we do go good together. i also keep reading on google and it’s soooo confusing. google tells you to break it off if the relationship is toxic at all! and then my therapist also said all relationships have their toxic flaws in them. maybe my brain doesn’t want to agree that maybe she’s right?