Going through a Break up, need advice !

Having a really bad day with my ocd. Just had a massive meltdown. I’ve had 3 sessions with an ocd therapist and I feel worse. This is very confusing to me. I’ve read online that it’s normal to feel worse at the start of therapy, but i don’t know. I’m asking for a lot of reassurance from people, way more than I have ever done. My doubts and thoughts seem to be getting worse. My mum said if the relationship is making you so unhappy why are you doing it? This was sooo triggering for me but maybe she’s right? She said if I didn’t have the relationship in my life, I wouldn’t be having meltdowns or have an ocd spike, so she thinks I should consider whether to be in the relationship or not! Omg it’s so awful to hear those words. But maybe she is kind of right? If somethings making you anxious or unhappy, you stop don’t you? So why haven’t I broken up with him? That would be the logical step. Im so worried to make myself even more ill so im very scared to carry on with the relationship, because right now, my mind is telling me its the cause of my unhappiness and i would be better without it. But is that my ocd speaking? How do I know?! My life without him would be so bleak, or is it my life without the idea of someone in it? I have so many questions, it’s overwhelming. What if I’m not listening to my gut? Maybe I’m not. That makes me feel sick if I’m ignoring myself again. This is torture. What can I do to stop all these doubts and feel better about things!!! I would love some advice 🙏🏻🙏🏻 (this is my ocd talking, but comments that agree with my ocd are very triggering like ‘yes if you feel like that that is a major red flag’. Just comments that maybe give some hope, thank you 🙏🏻)

My therapist isn’t specialized in OCD. I’m her first OCD client. She told me she’s taking courses in ERP and specifically sexual OCD since a lot of my themes are sexual in nature. I want help, I need help. It feels like every time I meet with her I get set back. I make progress a lot on my own. Sitting with discomfort, trying to accept the thoughts and uncertainty. But every single time I meet with her, it feels like I’m explaining OCD to her. She even went as far as to suggest that some of my thoughts that bring me distress are mine. I am not a cheater. They are not mine. Why on earth would they not be intrusive if I was in tears about having this thought? I feel bad. I really do because I can see that even though I can very much see her mistakes, I can also see that she’s trying to help me. I’m just so scared of getting worse. I’ve been in therapy for 5 weeks now. I feel like had it been with a specialist, I would be doing so much better. Instead it takes me days to come backs to whatever progress I’ve made alone after meeting with her. She’s a great person, she tells me she experiences intrusive thoughts too and she doesn’t have OCD which helps me feel less alone but I don’t think that’s enough for me. She’s always available for a call whenever I’m in extreme panic. I just don’t think this is working. I trust her and I tell her everything, but it feels like she’s just listening to me talk the whole time. We’re doing a workbook but she gives me absolutely 0 input. I just read my replies and she just sits there. I don’t understand the point in that. I feel so anxious right now. She wants me to get properly evaluated for anything that may be going on because on top of the severe OCD, I was also diagnosed with PMDD, GAD, and MDD by my primary care doctor but I guess she doesn’t trust those diagnoses? My psychiatrist also told me I have ADHD, which I’ve suspected my whole life but it sounds like my therapist doesn’t know how to handle OCD much less OCD, MDD, GAD, PMDD, and ADHD. She’s questioning the validity of my diagnoses instead of helping me figure out how to deal with all of it. This is so suffocatingly difficult. I’m also a huge people pleaser so how on earth do I end this thing?

i couldn't take this anymore. maybe i'll just let ocd win this time. it's too hard to not have a clear conscience everytime i'm with my bf cuz my mind is telling me i'm unfaithful and don't deserve to be happy. i feel like i'll never get better anymore. i already told myself many times to stop attracting attention from other people especially to people i'm having false attraction to. but i did it again yesterday, right after i smiled a little extra in front of that girl i might be attracted to i could feel the massive anxiety in my chest. already decided last week that i might be actually attracted to her so it's best to fully avoid her. i avoided her with the best i could, but we're in the same classroom and i saw her in my peripheral vision looking at us (my bf and i) whispered to myself not to make any mistake i'll regret, but then i felt like i lose control and laugh a little extra. i searched micro cheating and it says there "trying to impress someone you're attracted to" and now i want to break up with my bf. the guilt is too strong. i couldn't sleep at night.