being nice is manipulative?

growing up I always really liked being nice to people and doing things for them without reason in a helpful way. It made me feel good about myself. But I’m 21 now and learned through an Instagram article that being too nice is bad and manipulative. It’s been a long time since seeing that and now I’m worried all my kindness is to get people to do things for me in return when it isn’t. I really feel like most of my purpose is to be good (I’m not religious btw) I just want to do things that make people feel good and happy and I also just feel compelled to be the best I can be and do whatever I feel is correct and good

Username: SkylernatorSkylernator

Date posted: 1y ago

I worry the same thing. Ive always loved doing nice things for people, but lately my ocd makes me think Im secretly trying to manipulate people into thinking i’m a good person. Or even that i’m trying to convince myself i’m a good person. It sounds so ridiculous when i type it out, deep down i know i just like to make people happy.

Username: JordTheNordJordTheNord

Date posted: 1y ago

I’ve experienced this before. Can you elaborate what the article stated about it being bad and manipulative? Of course what pops to my mind is ppl that are fake and looking to get something in return or holding it against someone “I did you a favor so you owe me”. On another point what I believe you’re experiencing is the shock factor of “being nice CAN BE manipulative”. So now I assume you’re reassessing you’re entire good deed doing/caring personality. That is almost completely by shock factor and you second guessing yourself (OCD). However take a few breaths and remember WHY you did all those things. Most ppl that ask themselves these questions “was I being manipulative” when it never crossed your mind before it usually coincides with you were doing nice things for the sake of being nice. However, learning about ourselves can cause us to rip up the foundation and second guess what we have been doing all along to make sure we are aware that we are not being destructive . This is also a pattern of ppl with OCD. Hang in there. Also, it’s appreciated that you’re out there doing the good work.

Username: Jo0Jo0

Date posted: 1y ago

Idk I think it becomes a problem only if you expect something in return or if you are being nice in order to get people to do something for you…ultimately I think it’s possible to make everything we do sound selfish 😅 It’s very difficult to find an example of a truly selfless act: If you did it for other people’s benefit but because you thought it was the just/good/correct thing to do… One could always argue that you did it for yourself. I think it’s an interesting reflection but also a trap 🙃

Username: OCDEBOCDEB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

if you like being nice to people - keep doing it. who care what someone says on an instagram article

Username: levi!levi!

Date posted: 1y ago

worried that I’m doing it to make people think I’m a “good” person too when it started out as something that was totally for myself

Username: JordTheNordJordTheNord

Date posted: 1y ago

@bugwithbones This is more of a hyper awareness. It’s a way to express yourself by doing good things. So when you think “I want ppl to think I’m a good person (especially if it’s true)” is a normal thought process for all ppl. Even the ones who don’t care what ppl think of them they still will express themselves of their character: confidence, leadership, bold, take no shit, and do those things because they lead by example. Most likely what you’re doing. You’re representing and want to make sure you’re doing a good job

Username: garden

Date posted: 5y ago

Very worried right now that I’m a narcissist! I fear that I only do good things for self gain / because I feel like I HAVE to. And that I don’t actually care about anyone or anything other than myself. Ugh!

Username: nurem14

Date posted: 3y ago

Is anyone else obsessed with being percieved as "good" ? I get super anxious thinking people think badly of me and always try to make people have a good image of me but then i obsess over if im manipulating them to think that im good and im lying and are not really a nice person. Anyone ?

Username: Theosis

Date posted: 37w ago

False kindness

Sometimes i worry that i dont really have ocd or any mental illness and that im just tryna victimize myself. Ive been commenting on so many peoples posts since i got this app (today) but im worried that its because of my ego, thinking i know everything or that “im such a good person cus i wanna help people”. Sometimes i convince myself my suffering is deserved. I dont think it is but i wonder if thats just me being self serving. Like everyone has a bad side right?? Why do i suppress mine so bad does that mean im secretly horrible?

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being nice is manipulative?

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