Everything the past two weeks has been exponentially better until last night and tonight. I can’t stop thinking I need so much care and support from people around me that they are fed up. I don’t know how to keep living like this. The constant ups and downs, it just never ends
I’m sorry to hear the pain you’ve endured the last two nights and of course before. I’m excited to hear that you are getting better! It might never end however that doesn’t mean you are not minimizing your episodes. Progress is progress. It could be a part of the perfectionism OCD. You might be thinking that you will eradicate entirely and it will never happen again. That’s not necessarily true. Not that you should be bummed about that but look at it as relief that you do not need 100% disappearance to enjoy life or that you have failed. Ppl without OCD experience the same thoughts as us except they dismiss them exceptionally well. Do not be hard on yourself the fact you had a set back or if anything pops up again even after all your hard work and success! Easier said than done of course. Just remember when you feel like you’re having another episode it means a peaceful break is around the corner and you’re doing your best. Confident ppl lose confidence at times they just consistently turn it around and allow themselves to not be weighed down on it. You’re doing great. Keep it up. Breathe. Do any OCD exercises and hang in there. You got this
@JordTheNord Thank you for the reply. Been really thinking about this especially and trying to find out how to accept this as forever and accept this is me, along with the perfectionism piece. It’s just getting in the way of everything emotionally as a mother and as a partner. It’s been hard but I appreciate this
@Anonymous Remember it’s not all of you just a part of you. You are not just your OCD, failures and mistakes. You’re so much more and so much a blessing in people’s life. This is hard but hope it will get even easier for you with time. What helps you stay at peace or what things do you do to keep your mind busy?
@JordTheNord In a way I believe it but in a way I think the people around me may not which is hard to cope with overall. I dont necessarily know anymore.. I have been trying to think of things that make me feel at peace but end up being vices .. suggestions?
@Anonymous Have the people around you told you this? Do you have any evidence? I struggled since I was have been 10 with this as well. Thinking I’m being rejected by others. Not even knowing I have OCD. Mostly because in our life we see strangers and loved ones have personal views of others that we might disagree with or afraid they feel that way about us. Every human experiences this except of course our OCD lets it overrun us. I would do things that help me feel better which is a part of my compulsion for sure BUT there’s pure enjoyment at the heart of it. We all can use a distraction and do things that we enjoy (even their without OCD) to help our bad days seem bearable. A bad day doesn’t even mean it’s a bad OCD day. Just an unfortunate situation or bad news in the life of a human. Sorry I got carried away. Just want to be thorough. I would read, play video games, watch movies/shows that would make me laugh or give me purpose. I’d focus on purpose for sure. What has helped me really and is a passion of mine is philosophy and spirituality. Looking to understand life and see it in different perspectives. These perspectives have helped me logically understand and cope with my OCD. Sometimes I feel certain pieces of information is all we need to combat certain thoughts or flip them on their head so to speak. That slows them down so there is more peace entering them. What purpose do you think you have? What gives you life? Makes you cry tears of joy? What’s precious to you both outside and inside you?
@JordTheNord I have a mother and significant other who often tell me how I need to get a hold of my ocd in able to either continue a life or have a relationship with me, always alluding to the fact it’s unbearable to be around. Everyone else … no.. but I agree the perspective from others is still there. This feeling to fix it or get a hold on it is a lot of pressure I’m struggling wjth bc my family and loved ones are about to leave if not. I like the idea of this distractions jusy for the pure enjoyment in the heart. I would say music, reading .. of course my son but he is 5 which isn’t always sunshine and rainbows but always a pure enjoyment and love being around him. I will have to see if I can really focus on this and being more peace and joy in to my life. Sad to think that is lacking
@Anonymous When I was younger I was depressed, attempted suicide and just onslaught of OCD with all the thoughts (I didn’t know or not one person even suggested I had OCD at the time). I constantly feared losing ppl and I was and I thought it was in part to my initial thoughts; I’m worthless, no one likes me, I don’t have anything to offer. Now as I got older and started to get a handle on the world and myself more I realized that a lot of it was in my head. However, when I was constantly being negative and depressed even if it was just in my head it pushed ppl away. At the time I looked at it like “ppl just don’t care, I’m not worth the effort” and looking at it now I don’t have any hard feelings for anyone that was annoyed or couldn’t be around me. Here’s why. Not everyone is going to bring understand compassion and empathy to the table to a level that I bring or possibly a lot of suffering from OCD. Some ppl don’t understand it and it’s not their fault. Even more importantly some ppl are not equipped to be consoling or handle others negative emotions (father, sister, of course plenty of friends). Now that does not mean they are bad ppl. It’s just something they are not good at and they are trying their best. I look at it now like “keep your ppl where they are”. We can have loved ones that are great to be around but they might give bad advice. Don’t ask them for it just be in their prescence. You can have someone who loves you deeply but is flaky with EVRYONE. Love them but don’t always expect them to be there at a moments notice. No one is perfect and we have to learn to deal with ppl. It took me a bit when I realized that “yes there a good chance I was being difficult”. So I made sure I have to start taking responsibility for my emotions no matter what they bring I’m even if someone completely does understand and can be there for me. Absolutely start doing things you love! Mothers need their needs met by life too. Of course you love your partner and son but all those things you enjoy that were a part of you before. Add those to help the mind not go wandering so much. Fill it up with passion and work.
@JordTheNord This has been extremely insightful! Thank you for taking the time to respond and continue the conversation with me.. really appreciate the support here and opening up my eyes to a new perspective. I need to be there for me and be responsible for my own emotions and actions..that’s huge and you nailed it completely! I can’t tell you enough how helpful you have been and how much of a positive impact you have made over the course of the conversation 🙌🏼
@Anonymous I’m very happy and grateful I’ve been able to lend some encouragement and help. Just remember when we are negative we do need to love ourselves and inner strength is key, however, getting it from others is truly a blessing. That’s part 1. Part 2 is being responsible with who we are and just not expecting everyone to carry our burden when they themselves are I’ll equipped too. Some ppl will some ppl won’t. We should not judge those who won’t. They might fall short in what we need but that should be understood. We come in all strengths and weaknesses. We shouldn’t expect the world to compensate for us as we cannot compensate for everyone’s weakness out there. Find ppl that can support you and do well with what you need in a situation. Don’t go to a car salesman when you’re buying a house. Let me know if you have any other questions or thoughts 😊
I need help u can't stop focusing on my breath and it makes me feel breathless most times I feel like I'm dying
@olutofunmi I hope you were able to find relief and are breathing with ease
@olutofunmi Sending lots of prayers your way
I’m struggling so much, I don’t know what’s changed. I was doing so well for a solid two months and now it’s been over a month of just my lowest point. My bf has gotten upset at how much I do compulsions and it’s taxing him too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be my partner right now. I feel exhausted I’m tired of my OCD finding new things to obsess or worry over. I’m so TIRED of getting stuck on technicalities. I’m so exhausted with the constant intrusive thoughts and intrusive thinking. I’m so sick of how compulsive I get when I’m so riddled with anxiety. I don’t want to keep pushing. It feels pointless if my life is going to be a constant loop of ups and extreme lows. I feel like such a disgusting, embarrassing person. I don’t want love because I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t want patience or understanding because it makes me feel so guilty. Like no one is understanding how bad of person I could truly be. I’m so lost and tired of this
I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭
Last week was a lot easier for me. I felt like thoughts didn’t control me and my actions as much as they did earlier. Today was really hard for me and I feel like I’m starting to lose hope again:( I can’t take the thoughts and the feelings that come with them anymore. I feel like I have failed and I’m never going to be happy again.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
