- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
For me a lot of it came from heteronormativity and wanting to fit in. Also any boys I did like had very feminine qualities and actually many of them turned out to also be gay. I struggle to fully understand HOCD but from what I know, in my experience, looking back it was very obvious from a young age that I wasn’t straight and any anxiety came from wanting to fit in and the potential to be rejected rather than anxiety over actually being gay, as is the case with HOCD. Hope that makes sense!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
They weren't, maybe they were pressured by society to like them because they were taught their attraction to women was wrong. But if you don't like boys, you never did like boys. People who are bi/pan have a more fluid sexuality and maybe there was a time were their attraction was mainly more directed towards one gender. But if you are lesbian, gay, straight you like one gender and that's that
- Date posted
- 5y ago
thanks girls for your answers !
- Date posted
- 5y ago
oh , im pretty sure every straight girl had a crush on troye and eugene .
- Date posted
- 5y ago
personally not me , not my type of guys
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@hocdgirlsummer don't google that, it's a compulsion. I did it and I had the biggest anxiety surge but you can do that too cause it doesn't apply to you. Crushing on men who have a more "feminine" look doesn't mean anything. I like guys with big lips, that doesn't make me a lesbian cause big lips aren't a female thing only. I totally feel what you're feeling but hey everyone has a type, lesbian can be attracted to masculine women and that doesn't make them straight. Liking feminine guys doesn't make you gay either
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m so sorry you sound so distressed @hocdgirlsummer! What stands out to me is you’ve said you can’t believe it’s you who is typing this... well it’s not, it’s your OCD! And you are allowed to tell your OCD to back right off and leave you alone!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thanks for the support girl! I truly appreciate it soo much!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Kinda triggering. Ive also liked boys on the feminine side. Omg. It feels like all my crushes were pressured now. Idk ive also like straight boys a lot like a lot of straight boys but im stillfreaked out now. I for example liked troye sivan and also eugene from buzzfeed recently came out the closet but i also had a crush on him. Im not even going to google wat heteronormativity means because ik 1000% i will be triggered for life and scared that all my crushes in the past were fake. I never even used tk think about being gay as a child or something.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know but damn hocd is at it again. I dont knownif its hocd anymore like what the hell. I knowni feel anxious but i cant stop my mind from thinking thst the anxietyy is because im scared i wont fit in, because im in denial or that all my crushes were fake in the past. I havent felt that in a long time. God i just need to feel something for a boy again. I just want to fall in love with a boy and everything will go away but hocd will never let me. Attraction is completely gone i feel like im asexual now or something. I cant believe this is me who is typing this. If i saw myself typing this message 2 years ago i would laugh, its so unfair to ke how everyone lives their life so comfortably while everything i do feels anxious and uncomfu
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I have a friend who identifies as a lesbian and she told me that even though she had ‘crushes’ on guys, they were never actually romantic. She just wanted to be their friend and to be considered one of the guys.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
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- Date posted
- 11w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
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- Relationship OCD
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- Date posted
- 10w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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