Anyone else experience this ? Harm ocd

Does anyone get this thing with harm ocd where your heads convinced you that you like ‘acting on the thought’ or that you ‘want to’ to the point that your believing it and feel like that’s ‘you’ feeling that way and that you actually do like it and you know you don’t want that to be the case but it feels real to the point your believing it to be your own feeling? Since I kept getting this weird intrusive feeling (I think that’s what it is) that makes me feel like I ‘know how it feels to smother someone and it feels like I enjoy how it feels to do that’ it’s hard to explain but it feels like I like the feeling of doing that even though I have obviously never done that but through ‘test thouhts’ of deliberately imaging it on purpose it feels like I know how it feels to do that and like how it feels to do that and it’s been bothering me for so long now and I can’t shrug it off. I’m literally believing it and it feels that way too. The thoughts feel more intense around anything I perceive as ‘vulnerable’ as well which makes it even worse like I could see a young kid and no intrusive thoughts come but it instantly feels like I ‘like the feeling of doing that horrible thought and it would ‘feel good’ to smother them’ and then I get into this whole cycle or deliberately imagining the smothering thoughts to ‘test’ myself and I get shudders and my body tenses up but don’t feel like I ‘hate it’ still or that I’m ‘anxious enough’

James1455

Date posted: 2y

Ive been avoiding my wife and daughter (5 months old) for four weeks now, ive been experiencing the same thing. I've confessed to her and family the "feelings" I've been having. Theyre so intense and constant that it convinces me it's real. I was feeling pretty hopeless until saw your post. I really appreciate it. I Pray things turn around for all of us very soon. God Bless.

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I’m so sorry that sounds really difficult, it’s so unfair we have to suffer in this way, life hasn’t been the same since I started having this problem it’s so horrible 😞 I’m the same it feels so intense and real like I would actually do that and ‘enjoy it’ and it makes me worried that it would actually happen and because I’ve been going through this for a while now I don’t get as anxious about the thoughts so instead I’m left with this horrible intense feeling/urge that feels like my own feelings and I don’t even feel anxious or like the thoughts are ‘bad’ so it makes it seem even more real. God bless you too, the fact your avoiding them and talking to people about this shows you have no bad intentions otherwise you wouldn’t be avoiding them or telling them about it, Stay strong, however real it feels make a point of ignoring it and it will lessen and eventually go away once you stop giving it importance but I know how hard it is I’m still struggling all the time 😞

James1455

Date posted: 2y

Maybe we just worried about it so much and stressed so hard our minds went numb to give us a break from the stress and pain. The same thing happened when my mother passed away, the pain was so awful and then I went completely numb and even laughed. I know it can be the brains defence sometimes. But you're right, it is hard not to think about it because it feels like the only important question. And telling yourself it's not important seems like saying "you don't care if you're a monster or not" which starts the cycle again. I hope you're doing better today.

Anonymous1199

Date posted: 1y

How are you guys doing with this now?

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous1199 At some point I felt like this problem went away completely for like 5 or 6 months I was so happy and I quit my job and it came back 100 times worse than before and now I’ve been suffering a lot

Anonymous1199

Date posted: 1y

@lu22 Im sorry it I brought you any anxiety or anything by commenting on this and im sorry to hear youve been suffering. The reason I commented on this is because your post was one I could relate to the most because my ocd isnt really thoughts rather a feeling. Honestly I dont know what it is but its so confusing. A panic attack spiraled me into this in March

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous1199 Ocd is very difficult and I regret not getting help for it I still haven’t got a therapist and I think it wouldn’t have gotten so bad if I had got a therapist

lu22

Date posted: 24w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I want to talk to someone harm ocd, really 🙁

I’m out of energy my cod feels at its worst I actually feel like I’m bad and there is something wrong with me I feel numb I can’t cry or be anxious over anything and I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel normal now it feels like I’m bad. I had this stabbing thought which I after started deliberately imaging to test myself but instead it felt like I like the feeling and know how it feels to stab someone then I was getting this feeling that I liked it wanted it or would enjoy it and it felt extremely real like i wanted it because it would feel ‘good’ I cant explain it but it suddenly felt like I enjoy or want it almost like I wanted to feel the feeling of doing that bad thing because I ‘like it’ I have no energy I can’t get over that feeling because it now felt like I actually wanted it I don’t know what is going on I’m worrying now I will actually want that to know how it is or as if I’ve discovered what evil people like or why they enjoy it and now I’m so lost and confused and I feel numb I don’t even know if I want or don’t want it and people always say with ocd they feel like they want it but they know deep down it’s against their morals or they would never do that but it literally feels like I don’t know now and it felt like a real feeling that I thought there was something good or enjoyable about doing that thing and I’m concerned I’ve had ocd for 2/3 years now and I’ve gone through crying and being upset and all the different emotions of having it and now I’m experiencing this and worried if I’ve changed and what if I’m actually evil now or have come to like evil things from imagining it and I want to talk to someone I don’t know what to do the other day it felt really real that it was about to happen and that I wanted to and I was getting this sick feeling that I was happy or liked it. Please I need advice I can’t get over this and move on because it feels like it wasn’t ocd and that feeling still happens and how can I ignore it and even if I try to ignore it I can’t because it felt real that I liked it and now it feels like there’s no going back if it felt like I actually liked it 🙁🙁

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Anyone else experience this ? Harm ocd

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