Engagement

@luelleiie i agree—with one correction. i think it is harmful to convince yourself that no one could ever love you as much, because if it is a case where they are not being treated well then that thought can force them to stay in a bad relationship. i don’t think that’s what you meant but just a thought.

@hhhhopeeee that’s not at all what i meant — and i was replying in OP’s circumstances. if the circumstances were something along the lines of abuse, i wouldn’t give that advice

@luelleiie also, i didn’t advise them to convince themselves no one could ever love them as much, so a bit confused on where you got that? 😅 i’m advising them to not rationalize, reason with, or fight with their thoughts - just to accept them for what they are, agree with them, and move on without any analyzing - which, is how you fight ocd

@hhhhopeeee if you are referring to the “take a minute and look at all of the things your partner does for you”, that is not at all what i meant 😅 according to OP, they are well on their way to marriage, are three years in, and there was no mention of abuse. when someone is in a bad rocd flare up and is questioning their love for their partner, it can be helpful to analyze the little things about their partner and how they would more than likely not experience those little things with someone else, if the consideration of breaking up is on their mind. i’m really confused how you got the conclusion i was telling them to convince themselves that no one could ever love them as much? 😅

@luelleiie and, they would more than likely not experience those little things with someone else because - everyone loves differently

@luelleiie yes i figured that you weren’t telling them to tolerate anything bad, i was just mentioning how that mindset could be harmful in general, someone doing specific things you wouldn’t get from someone else doesn’t mean you have to idealize them and have that as the only reason to stay together. but i now understand more you were thinking of it as a grounding exercise. i was simply mentioning another outlet ocd could come into if the healthy choice was to break up and that was an intrusive thought making them stay in a relationship wrong for them.

@hhhhopeeee ohh, i see. thank you for your perspective! i see how that can be harmful, i’ll be more careful in the future with my words

@hhhhopeeee also wanted to apologize if i came off hostile, i was not expecting a response like that and kind of freaked out a bit but i realized your perspective of things and how it could be harmful

@luelleiie no worries! i like having these conversations

@96Anonym what do you mean by doesn’t have to be good to stay together?

@luelleiie I mean that I'm trying to responde to unsecurity and the intrusive thoughts with leaning in, saying that maybe maybe not we are good together. Maybe maybe not we should be togeheter! You never know for sure right? So that's what I'm trying to do, even though my mind wants security and wants to know for sure that we are going to stay togeheter! 😊

@96Anonym ohh i see! that is the right mindset to have with these things. accept the uncertainty :-)