- Date posted
- 2y
Caffeine making me worse?
Does anyone feel like ‘anxiety’ is what makes the thoughts feel like you ‘like them’ ? Yesterday I made a point of not having any caffeine and I was able to ignore the thoughts and ‘feelings’ all day no matter how they were I just it irem them but today I don’t know what I’ve had that had caffeine in it but I started feeling this anxiousness in my chest and now it’s back to feeling like I ‘like the feeling’ of ‘smothering my cat’ like my cat came near me and rubbed his nose on me and the anxiety made it feel like I ‘like the feeling of smothering’ (even though I have obviously never done that’ but through having the thoughts and ‘testing myself’ by deliberately imagining them it feel like I know how it feels to do that and ‘enjoy/like the feeling’ and it’s been so horrible experience but feels really real like I enjoy the feeling of squashing someone’s face with a pillow and stopping them from breathing (sorry that’s graphic) but that’s what it feels like I ‘like the feeling of doing that’ and just now it felt like that with my cat and then I start deliberately imagining the smothering thoughts about my cat to ‘test myself’ to see if it feels like I actually ‘like’ the feeling and I think maybe that ‘urge feeling’ is making it feel like i like it and I’ve gotten use to it that’s why it don’t feel alarming anymore but maybe I’m taking the urge feeling as ‘I want to do that and like the feeling’ or that ‘acting on it would feeling good’ and it’s horrible and feels real then I keep imagining it till it feels like I get anxiety or screw up my face or my body feels tense so I know I don’t like it 😞