- Date posted
- 2y
looking for input with pocd
Hi so long story but would really appreciate some insight. So i babysit a 1 year old boy who i love and adore. awhile ago i had a false memory. i was at the house i babysit for and i straddled the couch and it felt good to me. with my false memory i convinced myself the baby gave me this sensation by sitting on my lap which wasn’t even true. i went into a panic and was using stuffed animals to test if it felt good by putting it on my lap. i know it sounds crazy but i was terrified. when i saw the baby next i tried to play with him like normal. i do this thing where i sit on the couch and he is facing me and his legs are wrapped around me. i then pretend to drop him and he thinks it’s funny. so when i was doing that i had a thought came to mind what if you are doing this to see if it feels good. ever since then i’ve worried about this event and wondered did i do it just to see if it felt good down there? but the thing is i wasn’t sure if he was even touching down there when i did this thing. so i panicked today and did the thing where i pretend to drop him just to see if his body touched my private area which it didn’t. but i wanted to test to see if i did and now i feel i did something wrong by checking. i would never do anything inappropriate to him i’m just worried that i’m doing things wrong.