ROCD advice

Hey everyone, I am demisexual and have been dating my first kiss/boyfriend for 6 months. I’ve felt anxious our whole relationship to some degree, but it’s difficult to tell if that’s because of ROCD or genuine incompatibilities. Sometimes I leave situations with him and I feel a bit deflated because he is a blunt tell-it-how-it-is kind of person and I am a very sensitive people pleaser. We also have significant religious differences that we are trying to work on, but he doesn’t always know how to respectfully learn and talk about my religion because of his bluntness. We have some good things going (he cares about me, wants to communicate, and we laugh together), but I genuinely wonder if I will always feel this anxiety in relationships due to ROCD or if it is because of specific incompatibilities with him. How do you tell the difference?

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

You cannot tell the difference as long as you reject uncertainty and the possiblity of it bit being Rocd :)

abbyboo

Date posted: 2y

@ROCDmensch I appreciate that :) I guess I just don’t know how to proceed. I know that things feel off and icky and that there are things about him that I don’t love on paper so would accepting uncertainty look like breaking up even if there’s a chance of it being ROCD?

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

@abbyboo Actually no, accepting uncertainty for now would mean not breaking up even if there are urges to that result from ROCD triggers. It means that you accept that it is uncertain to you whether your partner is your perfect match, whether it will ever not feel this way etc.... fear keeps you in the cycle. By not facing anxiety and trying to escape you keep the circle alive. Overcoming OCD is about accepting that even the worst case might come and not to try to change anything or adapt your behaviour to the what ifs, just live life like your normally would. And when there will be a time you want to break up, it happens without the existential doubts, the constant what ifs. It's just a choice you make because you want it, not that much fear attached...

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

@abbyboo And also there was a typo in my first text. it was supposed to mean the possibility of it NOT being OCD. Because even if all the what ifs were true unconditional self acceptance would not change how you view yourself and your worth and you would be able to move on with life..but right now I suppose you are trapped in black and white thinking which is a common phenomenon with OCD. Accepting uncertainty means to also accept that you can't control everything and that there sometimes might be an unexpected, unpleasant outcome like "I don't love him enough" and that being the truth

abbyboo

Date posted: 2y

@ROCDmensch Okay, thanks for your reply!

abbyboo

Date posted: 2y

My boyfriend has anxiety about me not being more confident and further along in our relationship and so he has put some pressure on me from the start to be more committed and excited. I saw an article on ROCD online that suggested setting a time limit and in that time limit being the best partner you can living as though you don’t have any doubts/fears about your partner. I tried to live in the uncertainty for a while by doing that for a few months. After that experiment I felt more connected to him, but deep down I still feel like I have some concerns about our relationship or core needs that aren’t being met. I have a lot to chew on

rjahastings

Date posted: 23w

ROCD - anxiety

I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.

Firefly girl

Date posted: 23w

Is this rocd?(trigger warning)

I was on a walk outside and I saw a guy also on a walk and thought he seemed cool/attractive. Then I got super anxious and started wondering if he would be a better match for me than my boyfriend who doesn’t go on walks or do outdoor activities frequently. Is this rocd or is this me deep down doubting if he’s the right guy for me/not wanting to be with him? I really can’t tell and it’s causing me a lot of distress bc I do love him, but I know you can love someone and they can still be the wrong person for you or not the right fit long term and I’m trying to distinguish if I’m in denial of that or if it’s just my anxiety attacking my relationship with him. Any advice?

bmaria

Date posted: 23w

Rocd ??

Please help. Been with my boyfriend for 15 months. 6 months into our official relationship I found out he kissed someone 1 week before he asked out officially. He told me he loved me at that time and I felt we were exclusive. He apparently did not . He also agreed he would not watch porn and lied once about it. I also have been spinning about the types of women he thinks are attractive and I find disgusting so I sent him pictures for months hoping he would say it looks gross but he didn’t and it killed me. Throughout the relationship I have been spinning about these issues really hard and it damaged my trust for him but I know he’s an amazing great guy I just feel very uneasy. It has been 1 year of me spinning about these issues and other little ones constantly texting him everyday and my friends about them to try to figure things out but I am unhappy . 4 months ago I had a severe breakdown and since I am severely depressed and anxious every day all day with thoughts of is this a wrong relationship , comparing him to other men, wondering if I would be happier with someone else. I have been seeing a therapist seeing a therapist one thinks I have rocd and a psychologist doesn’t . Nothing is helping me and I’m on Zoloft . I broke up with him a month ago and I’m still spinning in circles if I made the right decision or if I left over rocd and overblowing the issues that bothered me . Someone please tell me if you think this is rocd (edited)

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