I know people deal with this for years, with the anxiety, intrusive thoughts, unwanted feelings, depression, sadness,etc. it hits different when it’s unwanted bro. I am so genuinely tired, I do not deserve this mindset. Nor the anxiety. Like why me. & I don’t want this for years bro. I just can’t do it. Like I’m really tired & I don’t like myself, for the very first time. I do not like myself.
i know the feeling. i have been there many times before and still do. it gets better though i promise you. what we have to realize is that we do have a choice in OCD. we’re just scared to let go of it because it’s a maladaptive, dysfunctional way of trying to protect ourselves. i really do believe that. please listen to michael greenhurgs podcast on the ocd stories called rumination is a compulsion. it has changed my life
@Anonymous thank you sm
It started for me at 7 yrs of age. Kinda robbed of my childhood. Never been officially diagnosed or medicated. Just powered through for years. Hit a breaking point this year. I always thought in my mind I could just “be strong” and cope by myself. Learned the hard way that source of strength is not unlimited.
It’s exhausting :( but there is hope. Don’t let OCD convince you otherwise. It can take years to recover when you’ve spent so much of your life stuck in the OCD cycle. None of this is your fault. You deserve a happy life.
@zortnorp :( I know. I woke up today just tired, like depressed. But like mentally tired of this. I forgot how to be happy/ myself. Like idk what’s life I’m doubting everything& this is all so much worse with suicidal OCD. I’m just so tired just just sooo tired
@zortnorp It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this. Just joined this week and I have yet to meet in person anyone who has OCD. So it’s nice to know I’m not the only person in the world who has the same struggle. I’ve been pushing through and surviving for almost 30 yrs. I have always felt “tired” of it. But this year for the first time I feel an exhaustion like never before. I keep telling myself, “I’m tired, I don’t want to do this anymore”. It’s why I sought help. I don’t think I can fight the fight alone anymore. I truly hope you find the answers you seek. Believe that I know how you feel.
@Daniel22 you have had OCD for 30 years ?!
@Sonia ☮️ I have also had OCD for 30 years but just diagnosed two years ago. I completely get feeling tired! I am so tired! Have u joined a support group? I tried a few over the years but last week really enjoyed the one I went to. ❤️
@Anonymous No :( I’m currently just waiting on a call from my psychologist
Thank you all for your comments!
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
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