- Date posted
- 2y
Contamination ocd.
I have contamination ocd wit different things there not necessarily dirty but like my deodorant can’t touch other stuff like my qtips and like I wouldn’t put my shampoo and conditioner next to my hair products just certain things like that can’t touch like my tweezers can’t touch my deodorant and like makeup couldn’t touch my deodorant and also these things get out in a clean area separate so nothing touches and I wash my hands prior to touching and when I’ve touched certain things and like laundry detergent I wouldn’t let touch anything like if I put 1 of these things on the counter then that area is contaminated I could wipe it wit cleaning products and itwould help but I still wouldn’t put my stuff on it and another things is bug spray like pest control my old apartment had fleas when we moved in so they came and sprayed and sprayed the entire carpet which triggered my ocd and everything was dirty I shampooed the carpet for hours my bf had to take off work we couldn’t finish moveing our stuff in cause I wanted to move and not contaminate the stuff that hadn’t been in there yet and like even when I shampooed it was still dirty to me so like if we wlk on the carpet and into another room I felt like our contaminated foot prints were there you no like when you can see high traffic areas in carpets but then off to the side you can tell noones wlk there that’s wat I felt wit this so everything from the bottom part of the walls and down were all dirty to me the outlets were dirty cause plugging and unplugging stuff picking something up off the floor then touching the outlet to plug something in so the bottoms of the walls and outlets were contaminated to me you out your feet on the couch that’s contaminated then place your phone there then put phone somewere else would be contaminated it was like safe areas in my mind were green and contaminated places was red and it’s vary in shade so like the carpet was red in the sprayed places and lesser red on the other floors and even lesser red on the floors that weren’t high traffic and like the bed the top was green then the bottom were your feet go would be red and I don’t actually see these colors just to explain in my mind I see safe and unsafe areas and it was hard I stopped going outside I sat in my bed for months tried getting help telehealth but it was hard cause I’m on a wierd schedule I stay up at nite cause I feel safer and places are less crowded and ppl aren’t awake I finally moved to the apartment below us and threw away so much stuff cause I didn’t want to clean it I cleaned everything on the porch for hours at nite even the prongs that go into the outlets I wiped off food packages and stuff from the fridge and freezer we rewashed everyrhing even if it was already washed it was so hard I don’t eat reason this affects me like this I wish it didn’t and I tried getting help but I was stuck in my house I have anxiety to and depression I don’t like tlk on the phone answering the phone I don’t have any contacts in my phone I don’t tlk to anyone I stay at home I no there’s places that can prescribe medication but they don’t understand ocd and there’s no place that accepts tenncare and I’m on ssi for my ocd and can’t afford to pay for erp therapy they’ve raised our rent from 745 everything included plus cable to now 917 and pay your own electric now and no cable they use to have internet and cable but when we moved in it was just cable but I’ve called my insurance and asked for an ocd doctor and ocd therapist there wasn’t any I finally found a doctor that does telehealth I can do from home to atleast get on meds and I’ve emailed Tenncare bout there not being help for ocd that they need to have better coverage but I want to start somewere wit some erp but I don’t even no we’re to start cause it seems like all my ocd intertwines I can’t do this wit this ritual cause I need to get help wit this ocd thing first I’ve never done erp I’ve had ocd since I was a teen been to doctors therpaists inpatient hospitals noones ever told me bout erp therapy.