Harm OCD

I’ve always wanted to learn how to shoot a gun and just have knowledge about guns. Gun safety. Self defense — Whatever it may be. I don’t want a concealed but we recently moved and we don’t have a security system or dog yet. My boyfriend has his concealed and is ex military, he’s very responsible and educated with it. But I get SO many bad thoughts thinking about getting my own gun or being responsible for it. My grandpa took his life with his gun and so my mom has always ingrained into us that guns are horrible. Now I know that it’s the person behind the gun but with ocd it’s not that easy. I get thoughts like what if: “I snap” “I lose control and get mad and go off the handle” “sleepwalk and kill someone I love” “what if I’m secretly violent and I lose it”. All of these terrible what if thoughts. I haven’t had horrible harm ocd in awhile. when I did, it was around knives and when I’d hold them around family or my bf in the kitchen (I wouldn’t even want to do dishes). Anyways, please share you’re experience or advice on this. I’d like to overcome it. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world and constantly worry about my family. I know OCD contradicts what you love but as we all know, the thoughts can feel so real. So, this may be controversial, if you’re not about it then please ignore and disregard your rude opinion.

ReadyForImpr...

Date posted: 2y

Are you in therapy doing ERP? I have had all of the intrusive thoughts & fears you've listed, so I relate really well to your experience. I don't have a gun (I'm in Canada so our laws are different and I've never felt the need to have one, also my harm OCD says "helllll no"), but I am working my way up to going to a gun range (is that what it's called? Shooting range?) because it would be a top level exposure for me. Exposure and response prevention, coupled with learning to not do compulsions in response to the intrusive thoughts will help. Ideally, you'd learn it with a therapist because there are a lot of sneaky compulsions you may be doing that you don't realize are compulsions. I still have some that I miss. At any rate, keep working on response prevention and you will get better with time and practice 🩷

halem77

Date posted: 2y

@ReadyForImprovement Thank you for sharing! Yes it is a range. That’s where I’d take the first step too but it’s scares the hell out of me. “What if I drop it after it shoots” “what if I point it at someone by accident or because I’m evil”. So much ocd crap. I have a therapist but not currently with NOCD. My NOCD therapist left. Love my therapist and we do a lot of CBT but not a ton of ERP. I know going to a gun range would def be a top tier ERP. My boyfriend will show me his gun and have me hold it to learn and things. It definitely makes me anxious but it’s a part of the process and ERP. We actually went to cabelas today (a hunting outdoors store) and we went to look at the guns. I held one that was a way better fit for me and my boyfriend and I were talking to the salesman and stuff. It definitely was anxiety provoking but i feel like these little steps do help. Looking at the bullets are the worst. So I’m still very anxious about the range itself

ReadyForImpr...

Date posted: 2y

@halem77 We have Cabela's here too. I generally avoid that section of the store... which I now realize I should not avoid. Low level exposure idea. Good for you in doing the exposures like that! I'm glad you're doing ERP on your own for now. You may want to check out IOCDF.org because they have lists of OCD therapists in many states (also listing for Canadian provinces & other countries - for anyone else following this thread!)

halem77

Date posted: 2y

@ReadyForImprovement I get it! It def takes time. I’ve kinda avoided it or never mentioned the range on my own. But god forbid, if it came down to it, I’d rather know how to use one. Especially when I’ll be home alone with our kid. And thank you!! I really appreciate that. I’m going to look into it!

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd i’m panicking

Does anyone else get fixated on one “topic” with their ocd?? like for me trains and guns are mine. like i’m scared of trains and im scared to be around guns because that’s what triggers my ocd and makes me convince me that that is the way to go. i literally worry myself into thinking im going to sh*t myself when i don’t even have a gun but my ocd convinces me. idk if im explaining it good, but its a real struggle. just need some tips & advice

Thejollygian...

Date posted: 23w

My Harm OCD

Basically long story short, ive been dealing with anxiety for a very long time all my life I'm 23 now but about 5 months ago my anxiety started to get really and I overthink a ton and get worried to easily. So my chest hurt for a while from stress at work made me worry why it was hurting, then me worrying and thinking worse case scenarios was making it worse. So i and to go to the doctor and got diagnosed properly with anxiety and I have a med now that I take when I really need it called hydroxyzine but I also have another med that is Zoloft that I have been taking for a about a month now, to help with my intrusive thoughts I have sometimes i only get them when im stressed or when I'm by myself or when i just overthink in general, my loneliness depression is one of the reasons for my anxiety because I wish I had someone as in partner wise to love me and for me to love them. But anyways I've had intrusive thoughts about possibly hurting myself and family, or even my dog. Ive never acted on any of my thoughts in the past and I don't want to but I have had anxiety attacks when everything feels to real and really scares me. I constantly have the thought of am I crazy or am I becoming crazy and stuff and I've done a lot of looking stuff in the past about symptoms but most of them are identical to what anxiety is so it's hard to tell the difference. It's been probably 2 weeks since we last talked. I've been mostly doing good. But I just was wondering if had a little Harm OCD intrusive thought happen yesterday that targeted my Aunt at work she was complaining all day and when it got closer to the end of the shifts for us. I was already annoyed with a situation that happened earlier in the work day. But she came into my department and then went back over to hers and I said it out loud to myself and said you better get back over there or I'll, I tried to say something else because the word I was going to say was kill you. Obviously I don't but that's what my intrusive thought wanted me to say. And made me think thats why i got to hurt her to stop her complaing So the rest of the night I was saying she is safe I am safe I'm control, like this is just anxiety lying to you, it's just because I'm tired and got annoyed earlier. I can't tell if it was working or not because I was so tired and just wanted to go home. But after work her and I spent time together at our house she was on the one couch and I was on the other with a bunch of our dogs in the living room. I tried to keep my mind off of what happened, and I was fighting some stomach achyness already. But I obviously don't want to hurt her and we had conversations just fine. But I went to my other aunt house at night after work to go to bed because she has to watch my aunts dogs because my other aunt and family is on vacation. But anyways I'm trying to get over that word Kill, that word is what is scarring me and sticking. Like my anxiety is lying saying kill, or basically do harm. I don't want to do anything bad but I'm trying to shake that feeling and stickiness of that word. I'm just so scared and worried.

AJ Rose

Date posted: 22w

I’m having really bad thoughts of harm ocd

Im sleeping over my boys house and im having bad thoughts to hurt him and it’s like I can see myself acting on it. I never want to hurt anyone… I hope someone can comment or give me advice as I lie in bed watching crime documentary. It messes with my OCD creates false fantasies

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Harm OCD

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