is this ocd

I'm feeling so helpless so please I just need to know if this sounds like ocd. This is how it started and no one else seems to share any stories similar to mine. When I was 17, I was looking around a store with my mom and big sister. At the time I struggled really badly with body dysmorphia and low self esteem, so; I started feeling weirdly jelous of all the children in the store. They all got to be happy and clueless and adorable and not even care, and I missed when I was that small. I started getting so jelous that I was actively looking around to see other children to compare my life to, and then I accidentally saw a little girl, maybe around 4-6? Idk. In a shopping cart with her mom, she fell backwards and I accidentally saw up her skirt, and I immediately felt a huge rush of anxiety, like the kind that makes your face really hot. And I immediately thought "am I a p*dophile?". I don't remember feeling any real attraction, it was just the anxiety. But that was enough to make me go "wtf" and start looking around at kids again to see if I was attracted to any of them. Like, I would look at a little boy infront of me who was running and think "am I attracted to him?" and then a girl in a sundress at a desk with her mom, and would think "am I attracted to her?" And I think I was confusing for thinking she looked nice with attraction, but idk ;-; I also saw a 3 year old in the buggie seat of her mom's cart when leaving the store and thought "ok I don't think I'm attracted to her I just think she's adorable" and could not stop thinking about whether I was a p*dophile or not for the rest of the day. It sort of became an on and off thing I would worry about but bc I wasn't having any like repetitive intrusive thoughts yet, it didn't become a constant worry until the next year. Which is why I'm so confused because for so many people it seems to be like a one time and done sort of thing. I only started getting intrusive image thoughts when I confided in my mom about it, and she said "as long as you aren't fantasizing about it I think you're fine" and then that immediately felt like it just opened a flood gate for all these new thoughts right then and there and I haven't been the same since. Like, the fear of having fantasies about it was enough to put the image in my head. Also idk but I think it's worth mentioning that I used to love working with kids. I was never a teacher or a babysitter but I adored them and always did volunteer work that involved them. Like, face painting at events and stuff like that. It was never a sexual thing but now bc of how many years I've been struggling with this I question all the time if it really was or not. I used to dream about becoming a mom and would watch a mommy vlogger named bubzvlogz all the time bc she had these two adorable kids that were I think 4 years old and 6 months old, she was the only mom vlogger I really liked bc she didn't make her whole kids lives the channel. She was very ethical about it. It was more of a her vlog featuring her kids. And I just thought they were so cute but I never like had thoughts about them so I feel like maybe that's proof it's just ocd but I'm still unsure. Idk like, I'm just wondering why I was so obsessed with children (especially babies) and how cute they were. Like, what if it really was sexual, I'm literally getting groinals as I type this and wonder about it. Idk, it all just feels so weird and icky now and I can't even imagine myself willingly putting myself in a situation where there will be lots of children ever again.

Anchovy17

Date posted: 1y

You are NOT a pedophile. You DO have OCD and must seek treatment.

Anchovy17

Date posted: 1y

I have a very similar problem.

jamesconnor

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

OCD of this type typically manifests as exactly the opposite of your core beliefs (i.e the gentlest people fear doing harm). You love kids and their innocence since you have volunteered to paint their faces at events and what not, so that is why you have such a strong reaction to seeing kids. Because the REAL you wants kids to be protected, and the thoughts feel so foreign and out of character for you ocd is such a bizarre thing. Just know you aren’t alone and that other people are facing similar issues. We’ll get through this

IsabellaMarie07

Date posted: 1y

I have similar experiences where my ocd makes me think I’m attracted to things like that or random strangers or family it’s all disgusting but I know now it’s not a real attraction, idk how you stop it from happening again but it doesn’t make you a bad person or a pedo or anything like that it’s more of an anxiety thing?

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

It sounds like OCD, but I’m not a medical professional just someone with OCD. 😅 The key is the more you think about this and engage with it, the stronger it gets.

anonymous2580

Date posted: 25w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

emma345

Date posted: 22w

POCD please someone answer

17f I was taking a bus and there was a group of children taking it too, like a kindergarten group. I tried to find a place where I thought children are not going to sit but one sat next to me anyway And the thing is that when I need to pee I become a bit physically aroused? Idk I've googled it and it's not that uncommon. Also the vibration from the bus gives me a bit of a groinal response yk since I sit on a seat which vibrates I mean I wasn't even really aroused that much it was a light sensation which was easy to ignore because I was on my phone But im scared I'm like a predator or something cause I didn't leave the bus immediately and had a groinal response when the kid was next to me I dont worry that it was the kid who was the reason of it (I mean not yet maybe I will freak out about it later) I'm just scared it's not appropriate to feel something like that while im next to a child even if he is not the reason of it But I tried to just ignore it and thought that I'm probably being dramatic After couple stops I got too anxious and got off the bus to wait to the next one which I hoped is not going to be full of kids But I'm scared that I'm a bad person and a sexual predator cause I didn't leave immediately after I had this thoughts While writing this post I got on another bus and sat at a seat but there js a child on the bus too not next to me but still not that far from me but I'm scared because of social anxiety people will look at me weirdly if I randomly change seats after I already sat but at the same time what if I'm being a pervert Like I don't even see the kid and stuff but still I'm scared am I a pervert or something Like is it predatory to be aroused near a child? Like the child is not the reason of it, u just are, and I wadnt purposely making myself aroused I just couldn't really help it But maybe I should've left the bus immediately? I mean I did but only after a couple stops because I thought that maybe is not that much of a big deal and I'm being dramatic

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

Pocd??

So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :( (edited) I also keep getting thoughts of kids and I’m worried I’m attracted to a specific part of them, because most of the thoughts include that specific part of the kid. Im also attracted to that specific part on adults, but I’m worried that it’s a sign I’m a pedo because it manifests on the thoughts of kids

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is this ocd

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