Pocd and hocd

I… I looked at homosexual explicit anime content a couple times when i was 14… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time… and my hocd has triggered me with it… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time and i was also addicted to explicit content at the time… i dont ever want to be homosexual or bisexual at all… in any way… and this is POCD related too because this was a very wide known explicit anime that involved very young characters… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo at all in any way… I remember when i pleasured myself to explicit content involving a man and a woman when i was 12-13… and i finished at the same time the dude did… my hocd is saying im in denial for this… I had no idea what sexuality was or anything like that… my first ever crush was a woman and i always want it to be women… i dont ever want to be attracted to men in any way shape or form… It was an educational video, so it was showing his privates finishing inside of the woman... i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… Its making me feel like im not anxious of triggering thoughts when i try to check my reaction too… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… When i think about beautiful attractive women, i feel happy and relaxed… actually comfortable… when i see guys, get intrusive thoughts about guys, or intrusive feelings, it makes me feel so anxious and uncomfortable… Its making me think i wanted to finish at the same time as the guy in the video… i dont think i was attracted to him because when he moaned in the video i remember feeling turned off by it… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I remember finishing when the guy did… his privates were shown when he was finishing… i dont ever want to ever be attracted to guys in any way shape or form in my lifetime… I also remember that i wasnt attracted to the guy at all… I just wanted to finish when he did because I wanted to keep up the same pace… I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… i didnt know what the content was or what it represented and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented…

Fullmoon21

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I’m not very good at helping people but i hope this makes you feel any better or helps in any way there’s nothing wrong with being gay and it’s OK that you don’t want to be gay everything you’re feeling is valid what helps me with thoughts like this? I always tell myself there’s better things in the world to think about and at the moment it will be hard to think about something else because you’re obsessing over one thing I get it I do the same thing, but just repeat that to yourself there’s other things that I could be thinking about in this world and say it as much as you want. I hope that helped a little bit. I know it’s a hard time but it can only get better if YOU let it.

noneuclidean

Date posted: 1y

In my non-expert perspective, all of this post was a compulsion. You were confessing and analyzing and ruminating in order to prove that you were not something you fear to be. I’m not going to give you the reassurance you want because that will not help you. The only way out is through. The only way to recovery is sitting with the uncertainty. Maybe you did something wrong. Maybe it says something about you. Maybe not. But you can choose to move on with your life right now by not participating in these kinds of arguments with ocd.

Givenup

Date posted: 12w

Pocd and horrible real events

I think these are the worst real events ive ever done... and Im so triggered because the last thing I want is to be a a P or a MAP... im triggered because I dont want the people ive become friends with on NOCD to block me because they think im a P or a MAP... thats the last thing I want... When I was 18, i unknowingly consumed l*licon a couple times... I didnt know what the term was at the time... I thought that since it was on a public site, and it had millions of views, that i thought it was safe to consume... when I did my research when I was 19 onto what exactly the term was... I was horrified and mortified... I puked and gagged and felt numb for days... it's been 5 years since then... im 23... and the last thing I want is to ever be exposed to this kind of content ever again... let alone consume it... I should've been more knowledgeable and it's my fault... my pocd and real events ocd call me a P and a MAP when these are the LAST things i want to be... I know what I did was wrong and I regret it immensely till this day... and im so overwhelmed...

Givenup

Date posted: 12w

Pocd and my horrible childhood

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

Givenup

Date posted: 12w

Pocd and horrible real events

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Pocd and hocd

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