Hey guys, I am dating someone right now and experiencing regularly panic attacks. I start to overthink everything and I create scenarios in my mind, based on tiny things that happen. My fear is, that he is secretly meeting other woman and just playing with me. I had a couple of toxic relationships in the past, which my anxiety is based on. How can I gain trust again? I know I can't control anyways which decision he makes
My best suggestion is something I’ve learned from a past therapist about relationships- that feelings and events are data points. If it were true that he’s cheating on you, let’s say, that’s great information for you to know, so you can peace outta there!! Of course, that’s not the desired outcome, but fearing it happening won’t change if it does or doesn’t happen. I think that helps me stay less personally involved, less “he’s cheating because I’m not good enough” and more of “he cheated because he chose to and that’s not someone I want to be with.” It gives you the power to have autonomy and choose how you proceed, too! As for trust…. It’s built over time. I have ROCD and the hardest thing for me is uncertainty. Is this right, is it not? The answer is that you have to try to find out. You have to put in time and energy and take some “emotional risk” to find out. So it’s possible you’ll get hurt. And that’s okay. It’s the risk we take to love, I suppose. Trust won’t develop overnight, it’ll be from consistency and getting to know the person and then showing up again and again
Thank you so much for sharing this 💚 I feel like if I find out soon enough it will provide me from getting hurt too much. So there are e.g. some things I found out - he is sometimes traveling with another woman, which he never told me. I could just trust in him, that she is just a friend. But my brain sometimes just freaks out and wants to confront him. But I think you are absolutely right, I should try to just let things happen
I wish I knew everything so there is no uncertainty 🤣
@Myannoyingmind Yes, I agree. If he is traveling with a woman and not telling you, that COULD be suspicious. Or innocent. Depends on the person. I think it’s a situation where you keep your bearings, keep your own self worth at the front of your mind, and say “if he’s doing that, it isn’t a reflection of me”. But I would probably want to find a way to ask him why he was hiding it from me.
@dianasaurusrex Thank you so so much really, that helped me a lot 💚 I will try to transform my way of thinking into that
@Myannoyingmind You are so welcome!! The struggle I’ve been having lately is telling OCD problems/ intrusive thoughts/ panic from real life concerns. For example, am I truly uninterested in this person, or is it intrusive thoughts? My ROCD lately has been saying “you don’t love your boyfriend, what if there’s someone better, what if you don’t think he’s good enough and HE deserves better…” and so on. What you described about the woman sounds like a reasonable real-world/ non-ocd problem to me. Maybe with some ocd mixed in of course. But I just wanna validate that I think anyone would be a bit concerned about that and you have every right to question it a bit
@dianasaurusrex Yes I know that thought, it's always switched in between " do I even love him" or "is he cheating on me and I am not worth it." If you translate it, it could mean "I am scared I am not capable to love and I feel worthless. " it always helps me to seek for the source of my way of thinking
@dianasaurusrex And yes I think the right amount of concern is alright, but I can't stop thinking about possible scenarios. It's not a healthy way of thinking 😅
My daughter has been taking therapy for NOCD since July and it’s not helping infact it’s getting worst. The Prozac meds doesn’t help either
My bf swears he doesn’t notice other women, and that even before dating me, he was never the kind of person to look at women. I, however, have difficulty trusting him. OCD makes this a thousand times worse. Now I don’t ever notice him staring at other women or anything, but I see him look around sometimes especially when someone passes by or someone new shows up while we’re in a restaurant or something. He insists this is him noticing movement and also checking surroundings for safety reasons, but how can I be sure he’s not secretly catching a glance bc his “controlling” gf won’t let him. He insists, swears on his life, that he has no eyes for other women, but if I’m being honest guys, I don’t trust him. No matter how often he proves himself, I don’t trust him. I am often checking his eyes in public. It was worse back then, we have worked through this and I’m doing better now, but I always regress to old habits and old fears. I feel this will be the rest of my life, where I will never be able to fully trust a man. That OCD will always hold me back.
Hello, this is my second post, not too long ago i made my first, talking about a sudden come-back of my intrusive thoughts. This post will talk about another of my issues, mainly regarding ocd (obviously) and relationships. As i had said before, i had been feeling terrible and felt like i didnt deserve love, especially the love of the guy that i love. I would like to add that in prior moments we have promised eachother and he has reassured me he will never leave me, but today he was pretty much gone all day (long distance) and for the most part ive just been overthinking, all night, actually.. thinking that at any moment he will just randomly block me on everything and never talk to me again. Its now 4:03 AM, and i just feel so scared. Im scared of losing him, this is predominantly because in a past relationship things ended suddenly, my ex switched up after we had promises and everything and i am absolutely horrified of things ending the same way for me and him. I’ve been anxious, trying to take my mind off of it, but if i do, my mind tells me that if i look away, when i look back, i’ll miss it and he’ll have already blocked me. and tries to tie in earlier conversations i had throughout the day and somehow ties them back to now. (Like my bestfriend telling me she had some dream where i apologized to my friends for ‘leaving’) For the past few hours ive just been out of it. Im scared of being obsessive, Im scared of losing him, and whenever i check to see, my heart skips a beat because i thinks he’s gone. The thing is, I know this isnt the case, and I know there must be an explanation, but for some reason im still worried. and I know these thoughts arent a reflection of reality, but ive also had the idea that my thoughts can also affect what actually happens. I would also like to add that he lives in the US and is mexican, and with the increasing violent situation, my mind even starts to wander off and ask itself what if something happened to him? It makes it worse. because i can’t control it. and that makes me afraid. Im also worried about being a horrible partner, about everything failing and its all just making me feel worse. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling sort of out of it, and throughout the day i felt as if i were emotionless, which made me wonder what if i had lost emotions for him? this also happens to me sometimes. I, for some reason begin thinking like “you lost your love for him nothings gonna happen ever.” and my mind starts making up reasons why, or simply gives me this feeling of emptiness for that love, as if i have been detached from it. and then i overthink again “what if i actually dont love him but im just obsessed and thats all it is an obsession and none of it is real?” that last part, im feeling it right now. along with everything else. Im exhausted, Im tired, and i just want to be happy with him. Thank you to all those who choose to read this. thank you. ❤️ Edit: I would also like to add that ive been also dealing with the occasional regular intrusive thoughts. which dont form fully in my brain but i can still sort of, “feel” the intrusive thoughts uncomfortable themes.
I’m struggling a ton rn and would love some insight from people. My bf and I broke up bc my OCD got to the point where it was extremely damaging to my exes mental health. We’ve been on a break for the last 2 months while I get therapy and help and he wants to try again in August. We talk everyday and fall asleep on the phone but I’m miserable anxious about what he’s been doing during the break. My mind is flooded with the idea that he might follow new girls on Instagram or he flirting and talking to new girls. It’s KILLING me. I’ve made up an entire situation w no proof. And I’m scared it’s not my OCD talking but a gut feeling. I know we aren’t together but it’s not fair to emotionally invest in each other if he’s not being loyal like I am. I’m just losing my mind and need help honestly.
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