My husbands OCD. & maybe my own?

My husband has OCD, and it targets me and our relationship. And I'm not sure how to deal with it. He gets intrusive thoughts calling me a whore, which hurts alot because I try to be so modest, and he knows since the beginning of our relationship I've had a massive fear of being sexualized. He has so many intrusive thoughts and inappropriate images of his ex's and everyone he's ever liked, and things he'd seen online. He has them all times of the day and alot of them, and even during our intimate time. He has ones saying I look just like his ex's or people he's liked. Even telling me some have grounds, and that they're not intrusive. He says he finds others intrusively attractive. And he has many more. I try to stay calm, and understand, but this stuff just hurts so much, and effects our relationship, me, and intimacy so much. It's broken me down as a person. All my self esteem is gone, and I feel so worthless. I feel so ugly, I want to tear my skin off. I'm so lost. I feel like I've lost myself and who I am. I love him so much, I just don't know what to do I'm being hurt so much.

anonocd

Date posted: 1y

My heart hurts for you. Thank you for sharing on here, because in my case I’m a husband with OCD… and I need to be reminded of how it burdens my wife; and that gives me motivation to overcome this disorder. Firstly and I think most importantly, he must stop “confessing” this stuff to you. It needlessly hurts you, and every time he tells you these details it just reinforces his feeling that he needs to confess these thoughts next time. Secondly, as for what he’s already said, I know it’s hard, but try to understand that if it’s OCD it really isn’t his own thoughts. These are tormenting thoughts that are generated by all his fears of thinking such thoughts. For example, people with religious OCD might be tormented with thoughts at church that they will yell out “Virgin Mary is a whore”; and because they actually love God they are so so so afraid of the idea that they might say that, that it makes them have more thoughts like that. (If someone told you you would die if you think of a pink elephant, you may end up thinking about pink elephants way more than you otherwise would). Is your husband seeking therapy?

Ryz

Date posted: 1y

We're trying to get him into therapy, however we're moving and financially struggling. So, therapy won't be for months, I'm sure. Stopping the confessions is hard for him and myself. So, between the two of us, I'm nor sure if it will stop. I hate knowing this stuff constantly goes on in his head, and me not knowing what it is. And he's tried to pass things off as OCD which didn't really end up being the case. Like he'd sugarcoat finding someone attractive as OCD, but later on revealed he did actually find her attractive. So, I take everything that's his "OCD" as fact because most are him finding others attractive, and images of his ex's and very inappropriate things. And he asks me constantly to reassure him that his thoughts aren't real. I'm suppose to reassure him, about something that just shattered me. We can't have anything nice without his "OCD" ruining it for him and me. It used to be ruining just our dates, or our house, or a gift, but now it's ruined me. And now I can't even look at a picture of myself without wanting to cry.

anonocd

Date posted: 1y

@Ryz A much cheaper alternative could be to read Jonathan Grayson’s book “Freedom From Obsessive Compulsive Disorder “. I know there is a section in there specifically about some of this content.

Ryz

Date posted: 1y

@anonocd Thank you so much. Truly. Thank you.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

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Ryz

Date posted: 1y

Thank you so much for answering! I have intrusive thoughts and some things myself, not sure about it being OCD. But, because I experience intrusive thoughts too I feel like I have no place telling him how much it hurts me. And he says I'm being a hypocrite if I don't understand. We're hoping to both get therapy soon, however in the meantime, do you have any suggestions on how to handle it while waiting to get into therapy? Handle the unbearable hurt, and insecurity it causes?

Ryz

Date posted: 1y

I want to clarify, the reason I know he gets these things is because he tells me them out of guilt. He tells me he's getting intrusive thoughts that say I'm a whore. Not exactly that he's calling me a whore.

anonymous737...

Date posted: 23w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 19w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

Talia_Rae

Date posted: 16w

ROCD

I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.

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My husbands OCD. & maybe my own?

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