TW I obsess over the fact that people don't need me. I'm not necessary to people, you know? Not even a future spouse wouldn't be just as glad without me. Of course, it's mutual -- I don't technically need a particular person in my life either. Still, it's a hard thing to think about
I’ve experienced this since I was a child except it was never mutual. It’s just always me not being enough
For me it just seems like a simple fact. I don't think that people's actions are the cause of this, although they seem to back it up. I think it also goes in-hand with my religion (Christian) and I'm not sure that most people would think that the "mutual no being necessary" is depressing to them, but I don't know.
Why does it go in hand with your religion? And what do you mean by the last part?
It is true that the Bible says that people need community/not to be alone, but it doesn't say that anyone needs a particular person in their life; many Christians think that there isn't such a thing as a "soul-mate"/person you are destined to be with, as well as the fact that some people don't get married at all, so I couldn't say that any future spouse would need me if they could just find someone else. And I don't think that many people would be upset that they aren't particularly necessary to my life, and I am not particularly necessary to theirs
@Anonymous Do you have an issue with any of that?
@JordTheNord About what part?
All of it. What are your opinions on all that you said
I don't know. It is what it is, that's how I feel about it. I am a little upset though to be honest, at least right now I am. How about you? How do you feel about what you said in your first comment? Is what you meant in that comment a lot different than what I was talking about?
When you talked about the Bible I personally think that’s a fine statement and no dish should be upset our have qualms with it. The bottom part I think is a normal agreement. And many is matter of opinion. Because I have always felt NO ONE would care if I’m gone. Not that “I have my peeps, not a lot but that’s still good”. So depending on what you mean by the last paragraph I feel like you’re pretty set and want to know what is bothering you.
I don't know. I think my problem is rumination. Still, even if I didn't ruminate, it would probably still bother me, just not so much. But idk, maybe it would change a lot not to ruminate, more than I could see that it would change. It's just, while I think that it is something I need to work on accepting (it's something the average person doesn't have a problem with), it still sounds depressing to me and is hard for me to think about. I think I get what you're saying about nobody caring if you were gone.
1) what bothers you even if you didn’t ruminate? 2) what is hard for you and easy for the average person to accept? 3) explain to me your understanding of what I said
1) The thought that no person is particularly important in others' lives. 2) It is hard for me and easy for the average person to accept that no person is particularly important in others' lives. What I mean by "no person being particularly important in others' lives" is exactly that -- that as long as people have community and people within it who they can relate to and talk to and enjoy time together, that is good enough and there isn't any specific person in one's life that is "necessary" to their life. If I hadn't been born, my family would keep on living life just as happily because how could they even know of my possibly existence to be sad that I wasn't there? If I never meet my future spouse, then they will marry somebody else and be just as happy with them. If I never met my friends, they'd just have their other friends and be glad. That's how I feel. 3) You said earlier that you felt like you weren't enough. Then you said you felt nobody would care if you were gone. I don't know if you believe that to be true or if that is just an intrusive thought that you don't really believe and are trying to do treatment for; if you would like to answer whether or not you believe it to be true, or clarify anything else about how you feel, then I'm all ears. If what you meant by your 3rd question was whether or not I understand how you feel "not feeling enough" and "feeling like nobody would care if you were gone", then yeah I think I understand how you feel. Not perfectly, of course -- I'm not sure if anyone understands anybody else's feelings perfectly. Do I feel like nobody would care if I were gone? Sometimes I have that thought cross my mind, but I usually don't end up believing it. I think that people would be sad if I or you were gone. But that thought of "if people would care if I were gone" usually transitions me to thinking about these other feelings.. Do I get the feeling that people would move on after I died? For sure. Do I feel like people need me? No. Do I feel like people love me as much as others in their life who are closer to them? No. It seems that I am only my mom's favorite, nobody else's favorite; I have always felt like everybody has someone else who is their favorite, not me. If someone had the choice to be with somebody that is closer to them or to be with me, they would choose the person that is closer to them.
Sorry for the long reply. I wanted to try to explain as much as I could. Again, if you wanted to clarify something about how you said you feel, feel free to
I’ll answer the rest when I make sure I understand your response to this question: why does it sadden you there is no particular person?
Because then I don't feel as important or "special" to others. Also, it feels like nobody is particularly important. And my relationships don't feel so special either then. Of course, people and relationships would still be special, but they wouldn't be special in the same way, if that makes sense
First I’ll answer about myself. I believe it both true and part of the OCD. Now if it stemmed from OCD then yes it’s an intrusive thought. However I 100% believed it. There was no arguing with it. I genuinely felt nobody would care and genuinely felt nobody liked me. Even if there was evidence to the contrary I wasn’t believing it, remembering it, or noticing it. Now back to you. You of course can ask me more just for the structure of this response I’m doing it like this lol. Do you think you are an intelligent person?
How you described whether you believe it to be true or OCD just now, in general that sounds very similar to how I would describe my feelings of not being necessary to others -- so I can relate. I think I am averagely intelligent. I'm no brainiac, but I got pretty good grades and can easily think outside the box. I think that OCD hinders my mind and makes my brain -- I don't know how to put this exactly -- less desirable? Why do you ask?
TW: multiple good options for relationships I'm having stress about the concept and intricacies of relationships. Really, relationships of any kind. But, for example, partner relationships (I'm single btw); how do you know who's right? Aren't there multiple people who could be equally a good option? I can also miss my chance, yeah? I just don't like the intricacies and existential questioning about all my relationships, even my relationships with my friends and family... it's really stressing me out
This past week I realized I have not friends. It makes me feel lonely. I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, so my only social life would be work or church. I don’t have a job right now due to medical reasons. But I feel like such a fucking loser right now. The voices of my family and myself are making me feel horrible. “You couldn’t even kill yourself right.” Is what my brother said. He told me I need to grow up and realize that nobody gives a fuck. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Am I really just a sensitive piece of shit? Am I just being dramatic? I feel so lost right now. I can’t stop comparing myself to others who seem to be doing so well. It’s not like I haven’t been searching for a job. They’ve all turned me down. I’ve gotten help and I know my resume is great. Maybe my dad is right that it’s really just how I am. People are hired because of the way they are. I am not outgoing or friendly or approachable and it makes me hate myself so much. I know I can’t kill myself. I can’t put that financial and emotional burden on my family. I’m already enough of a burden as it is. I know that I’m “never a burden,” but the truth is I am. My mom even admitted that I was the most burden of a child and it makes me feel so guilty. I wish they didn’t love me. It’s so selfish and horrible to say that. I know there’s someone out there who deserves my life and family more than I do. I deserve punishment and failure. But I want an answer. It’s impossible to know the future. Am I right? Am I really destined for failure? If only I got that answer I’d be relieved. It’s not the ideal answer, but it’s still an answer. I don’t have to try anymore. It’s fucking tiring. I know I’m not alone. I just don’t know anymore. Maybe I need to realize that this is real life and life’s not fair.
I feel completely unlovable. I have a difficult time getting close to people because of my OCD and I have to force myself to not compulsively seek reassurance. I feel like I’ll never find my person. I’m worried I’ll be an awful wife because of my inability to do anything. I want to show up for my partner, but I feel stuck because of my OCD. I think it’s safer to just be alone.
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