- Date posted
- 1y
Junior year high school for college admissions
Hey so basically I’m struggling with having a desire to pursue in the healthcare department. I’m okay with doing other extracurriculars, it’s just that I’m upset that I can’t appreciate wanting to go to Harvard. Like, my mind wants to appreciate, but when I watch videos about it, I think my anxiety is kinda telling me that I don’t actually want to go to Harvard and my mind has also been thinking about other schools like wanting to get into Stanford or something. But when I think of Stanford, I get a little bit anxious and my mind is like “well what about Harvard?” I’ve been starting to not press my anxiety’s buttons because anytime I try and watch videos about harvard, it just kinda gets a hold of me and I see this anxiety as a boundary, even though I would feel better if I could appreciate wanting to go to harvard. I haven’t told anyone else this because I feel like everyone wouldn’t understand and they would just tell me to think of another school, but the thing is, I don’t WANT to think of another school. The same thing happened with choosing a major, I wanted to pursue in neuroscience and it’s like my mind flipped the switch one day and was like “hmmm I don’t want to” but I kept on pushing it because I want to settle and stuff, and later on I started to appreciate it again and it made me feel better and stuff. I’ve been trying to do ERP and it’s kinda hard cause I just think that the anxiety is some boundary and it pushes me away from doing ERP even more. I also feel bad about asking God to help me out because I think I’m being ungrateful and I kinda feel bad and stuff. But He knows how much I want to go to an Ivy League—especially Harvard. I at least don’t want to stop thinking of Harvard and such, and this is just making me not feel good about the future and I feel like it’s at a bad timing. I’m hoping that God can help me out because my mind is seriously set on going to a prestigious school, of course I’ll think of other schools, but I just want to get into a prestigious one. I’m also worried—yet again, that my therapist just won’t understand how I’m feeling (she’s a school therapist), however so far she hasn’t said anything that invalidated me or anything so I think it’s just my anxiety acting up. These past few days have been what I think is considered normal, and I’ve been feeling a lot better now that I’m doing more things, I just tend to avoid this subject because my anxiety acts up and pushes me away from this topic.