Hi all, I am currently going through existential OCD and wondered how many people have gone through it, how well did ERP help and was medication useful too? Obviously everyone is different in terms of recovery so just curious. Currently on day 7 of Sertraline and hoping it will start working in the next week or two!
Existential OCD is what made me seek treatment and discover that I had OCD. I've been working through this theme for a little over a year with ERP and 125mg of Sertraline. I went from being unemployed, living in my parents house, and afraid that nothing was real and that I didn't exist - to now living my values along side my wife, holding various jobs in the film industry, and again being the husband and doggy dad I want to be. It's been a hell of a journey where I wanted to give up multiple times. At one point I couldn't even do the dishes because I was so scared. Now I do them every night, and my wife is much happier haha. What I wanted to say was when you're in the thick of it, your OCD seems so real. And it seems like there's no way out. But if you trust in ERP and trust in yourself, you can find freedom again. I still have weeks where my obsession creeps back in, but I try to stay aware of the fact that OCD is a liar and just because there's no definitive answers to life's big questions doesn't mean I need to waste my life away trying to discover what is impossible to know. You're stronger than you ever could possibly imagine. It sounds like you're at the start of your journey. Congratulations on making it here. Life on the other side is so much better. There will be ups and downs. There will be days you'll think you have it beat, and days where you'll think it's finally beat you. But always remember tomorrow is another day to show OCD who's boss! You've got this!
@Phillip91 I really loved your story and I’m so happy for you. I first had a massive panic attack in 2020 and experienced derealization for months but eventually recovered through therapy and Prozac and lived so happily and normally the last three years. Sadly, I was tapering down on Prozac and last week and had an entire relapse and I am now stuck on all of these thoughts again. What kinds of exercises do you do for ERP?
@Yay ocd Yeah, I had a panic attack the first and only time I tried marijuana and had derealization and panic attacks for a year. Went 5 years without it and then it came back during a stressful life event. This time I had the help of medicine and ERP. I think we’re all gonna have flare ups from time to time, but hopefully the more we practice and learn the shorter those flare ups will be. For my current exposures, I watch neuroscience discussion videos on YouTube about free will while sitting with the uncertainty. I also practice natural exposures around the feelings of unreality that pop up from time to time. I’m sorry you’re going through a tough week. When I have harder weeks I also try to go to the mental compulsion support group on mondays. It helps me to remember my tools and to remember I’m not alone.
Been there, ruminated that lol. ERP was useful but it wasn’t from a therapist because as a personal player in the existential OCD game, I always had the opportunity to apply it. I have never taken medication. Existential OCD is behind me now. That does not mean intrusive thoughts stop coming altogether but they do not bother me because I don’t become so attached to them anymore and I have discovered logical ways to keep them quiet and have grown through the existential “crisis”. Even Non OCD ppl can have a existential crisis. It usually deals with new source of information, an epiphany, or unsatisfactory place in one’s life. What no longer serves us and or new information of life that seems to be conflicting with the old.
@JordTheNord Have you overcome solipsism or questioning reality?
@Yay ocd I actually had to look solipsism up lol. To make sure I have actually experienced it, can you share your experience with me? Then I can give you a definite answer.
@JordTheNord Basically I can’t comprehend that other people exist and are conscious like I am. Everything feels really scary and fake to me. I question reality a lot and I hate it
@JordTheNord Thank you for commenting. It’s good to hear that you have overcome this theme. Hopefully starting ERP myself in the coming weeks. It’s such a scary theme to me but if I look at it logically I don’t know why!
@benjita1 Because you/we are human. That’s why.
@Yay ocd Ahh yes. I’ve experienced this before but very very brief. So I wouldn’t say I have overcame it because I was never “under” it but I have worked through this thought process. I do know of others that have the same struggles. I didn’t know there was a name for it though. What is keeping you from comprehending it? What do you think of that makes it scary and fake? What is reality to you?
@benjita1 Thank you and I’m happy to help in anyway I can.
@JordTheNord Just the possibility of it is terrifying. My ocd keeps telling me everything isn’t real so that keeps me from comprehending it. I experience debilitating anxiety because of this so any words of encouragement would be much appreciated
@Yay ocd Absolutely that is terrifying. Your emotion is completely valid. Could you elaborate to me then if anything isn’t real (except maybe yourself??) what is it or what are you seeing touching hearing? Or is it a projection? Like the matrix movies?
@JordTheNord Something I experienced and still do at times is depersonalisation and derealisation. Have you experienced this also?
@JordTheNord Sorry it was meant for @Yay ocd
@JordTheNord I guess it’s not so much about whether things are real, but more about HOW they are real. And really a focus on whether other people are conscious like I am
@benjita1 I used to have bad dpdr a few years ago but eventually got over it through therapy and Prozac!
@Yay ocd Just to make sure: for you is the HOW or the WHY? Sorry this might take a second but I feel going back to basics will help us not only communicate better through this, it will also me being more helpful to you.
@JordTheNord Definitely more focused on the HOW. The WHY is still a concern but not as much. I’ve never been religious which I think also plays into why I don’t care about the why as much. I don’t understand how we can all exist at the same time though.
@Yay ocd Well if you’re pondering how everyone is real in relationship to you as well think about the ppl that have had this same experience. They are wondering how you exist lol. Now I’ll assume you don’t how as in “how does the heart work, how does a bird fly, how does it rain”? If so maybe you can start to dive into books and learning about the surrounding world. Also, what is your thought on how we shouldn’t be able to exist at the same time?
@JordTheNord I think it’s more like how can I prove that other people have an inner consciousness like I do. And what if they don’t? What if I’m completely alone in the world?
@Yay ocd Ah ok! Great jumping point. Well one big way is something I mentioned before. Other ppl have had this similar experience. It’s not just you alone having the experience. Now of course a rebuttal could be “well what if that’s just what they’re saying, kind of like programmed to do for my interaction with life”. If they do not have consciousness and you only do, what would you do or could you do? Wouldn’t you want to go along with it? Just play the game so to speak? You have friends and family and admire these “non conscious” beings. You interact with us? You’re actually asking the non existent ppl right now what to do. The idea that we are alone falls on itself. You ar made up of these experiences with these so called unreal humans. You even love them. Isn’t your personal experience enough to be reality? Even if you would be right and you are alone that would mean we are all here for you. Doing what we do so the entire world goes on for your benefit. Now let’s go in a different direction. Once you answer that question and no matter how you answer it, it’s irrelevant because more questions will pop up. Actually that’s how OCD works. More doubts, more inquiries, more uncertainties. You can research and rack your brain all you want but there will always be more questions to be asked. BUT you don’t have to engage in the questions. You don’t have to be 100% certain to enjoy life. We humans love to feel secure but it is a fact uncertainty helps us LIVE more. To know that there is so much we don’t know or possibly could happen. Because we are not meant to know everything. We are meant to live as humans do. We are meant to human (verb). We still will contemplate life and it’s mysteries but what happens when we overthink (OCD) we lose the joy of doing what you’re actually doing, thinking. It becomes destructive. I love drinking water but if I drink water every second of every minute of everyday I’d get sick and die, or drown. It’s the amount of anything based on time and space that dictates when it is benefiting or destructive. When we constantly think we lose experience of our surrounding world. We are left with only thought and thought is infinite. We are playing out scenarios that we don’t even know if we are getting accurate information from because it’s all theory. You don’t need to prove that everyone is real because you actually can’t even prove that they are not real. So we have to go off of what we can prove and go from there. We actually go off a lot of trust in our lifetime. You trusted your parents to take care of you as a baby (unknowingly). You eventually come to trust what is wet and dry, hot and cold, painful and loving. These so called maybe fake things have actually kept you alive. However the idea of thinking and proving is like a scientist who always has his eyes glued to the microscope. He’s looking and studying but never takes what he learns and applies it. It’s just more theory. That was long and hopefully not to confusing but let me know how you feel and what questions you may have.
@JordTheNord I think something that’s so scary about this theme is that it makes me feel no connection to my loved ones. The detached feeling is so unsettling and really drives me insane, I just feel like anything I try to do to get that feeling back is a compulsion.
@Yay ocd Another person on here actually said the same thing in regards to OCD. She feels like she can’t tell if what she’s doing is herself or a compulsion. That is a MAJOR sign that it’s your OCD telling you that what you are doing is a compulsion and not just you being you. That is a scary feeling. Loneliness is a tragic thing for us humans to experience. So you’ve at least felt the connection at one point before correct? Does doing things you use to do before l these thoughts came into play make you feel like it’s a compulsion? Just spending time together is a great way to achieve connection, do you think that is a compulsion if that’s something you’re doing to have the connection come back? Also, if us humans aren’t like you in the sense you are the only real thing out there wouldn’t that mean that our emotions and behaviors don’t matter to you? Yet, they do. You long to have connection again because you fear a WHAT IF possibility that if what you say is true that there will be no connection, but why? Could you not be the supreme real being and give us your affection? Also, for nobody being real, which you haven’t proved it’s just theory, you don’t go around literally pulling harmful pranks or hurting ppl. Because if you would you would feel the reality of the world intercepting back with you. You are not separate from us. An illusion is actually REAL. It’s a form of something that appears to be but it is not. It exists and it doesn’t. Anyways sorry again, might have gone off track. I should have asked earlier, what are the things you’re doing to feel a connection?
Im currently having the same OCD obsession with solipsism and nothing being real. The best thing that is helping me deal with it is just accepting that you can never know either way and you have to just let it go and set the idea down
@Anonymous I try to brush it aside like this but I just can’t get over how awful it would be if it were true. My brain makes it feel SO real and present and scary. It’s such a terrible theme to be stuck on.
Yes it’s very very scary. The thing is we will never find an answer that will convince us its false. We just have to live in the uncertainty that it could be true. But it also might not be true. We just wont be able to answer this with the certainty we want
The answer is not for us to research and try and find an answer but rather accept the uncertainty that’s the only way we can let it go
Can believe this was nearly a year ago now!
@benjita1 How are you now?
@user23456789 I’m doing well thanks. Reduced my medication down by half with the hope I can stop it all together in the near future. How are you doing?
@benjita1 Is your existential OCD over with?and I am ok, thanks for asking. I am just beginning to deal with my existential OCD but I felt it’s gotten better, since I’ve been applying what I’ve learned about how to cope with OCD. I’m new to this so hopefully I can get through soon.
@user23456789 Mostly yes. I can ignore these thoughts now unlike when I was in the grips of it. It’s hard but always remember your OCD is not you and are just thoughts.
Hi everyone, I’m new to the community. I was diagnosed with OCD just a couple of months ago and have been doing some reading and other research to try and understand the disorder. With this, I have been actively seeing a great therapist who has been helpful to build tools to deal with my intrusive thoughts ( contamination OCD is my worst theme). Do help learn to deal with the compulsions, I start on Sertraline or “Zoloft” I believe since November 2024. Currently I’m on 50mg and have been doing this for just over a month. My question for those who are also taking Sertraline and it has been successful, how do you know it has really provided a benefit and how long did it take to get there? I sometimes feel the medication works, and sometimes I feel it doesn’t (maybe that’s my OCD trying to mess with things). Thanks!
Been struggling with existential OCD lately. Very hard to describe the thoughts/feelings, but it is a constant feeling of being stuck in my head. Like what is consciousness and where do I think from? Like I think it’s OCD, maybe it is maybe it isn’t. But if it is, what would be good ERP exercises? Just existing (lol)? And what would be my response prevention? I’m not even sure what mental compulsions I may be doing.
Hey guys so I’m new here and just recently started struggling with some health ocd and thinking I had a brain tumor but it’s taken a turn for the worse and become this existential ocd where I’m questioning quite literally everything in my life, the purpose of being here and stuff. I just started meds yesterday, which is scary for me cause I’ve never been on them before. I keep having thoughts like, why does everything feel like a blur, what’s the meaning of this and I wake up every day with just existential dread. I’ve been having very vivid dreams that make dreaming and reality confusing I also am scared cause I’m dealing with some DP/DR as well. I just wish my life could go back to a few months ago before I knew all of this was possible. I guess I’m just writing this too get it off my chest and see if any of you all have gone through something similar and made it out okay?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
