stuck

a few months ago i saw my situationship having a sexual conversation with their friend and it’s been really bothering me ever since. i constantly think that when i’m not in the room that they’re talking like that with them or he’s using little loop holes in our agreement to get by doing it and it comes up often when i see them just texting normally. i can’t move past this incident and it always comes back when i’m finally getting comfortable again with our relationship and feeling better. i can’t figure out if this is something that still bothers me or if im just using it to self sabotage my relationship with him.

jtkachuk92

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

That's pretty bogus of your partner (sorry if thats not what you call them). Do they know about your condition? If they do and you have an agreement in place to not cheat, etc. Then I would personally confront them. You have 100% seen these texts with your own eyes right? I say this because I often will have false memories that I have difficulty differentiating from reality. However you're sure, then that's not fair to you. The LGBTQI+ community tend to be a lot less focused on monogamy. Some of us need it for stability. But since it tends not to be the norm, it's hard to convince a partner to stay faithful when they're getting contacted constantly by people they've hooked up with or would hook up with. This will drive you insane if you don't address it. You have to approach it correctly though. If you have a therapist, I would talk with them about strategies for talking to your partner about your concerns.

anastasiaab

Date posted: 1y

@jtkachuk92 i am not exclusive with them because we both have issues we need to deal with, but we were in bed and i saw the conversation and got up and my response was to leave and go to my house, but they had stopped me and we were talking about. i was upset that while we aren’t exclusive it was happening right next to me in bed while we were cuddling and it made me feel disrespected and dirty. we made a rule about it not happening while im in bed, but it’s started to make me feel like every time i leave the room it’s happening and i can’t push back the memory and stop myself from thinking about it.

jtkachuk92

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@anastasiaab I mean, if you made a rule about and they're blatantly breaking it, I would say that's cause enough to re-evaluate. Would it make you more comfortable to be more exclusive with someone? I told myself I didn't want monogamy but every time I saw something that told me "they're happy with someone else", I would retreat as you did. What ended up working for us for a few years was to be honest with each other about the other ppl in our lives. Eventually it evolved into "monogamous unless the situation is unbelievable." Communication is key. Without open dialogue and 100% honesty, you will probably always have doubts in your relationship.

anastasiaab

Date posted: 1y

@jtkachuk92 im just unfortunately someone who hasn’t gotten over the hill of my own illness and i can admit i’m not the best partner at times so us being open is more to help both of us, but i have no interest in being with anyone but them so i kind of just sit and let time pass because our agreement was that we aren’t exclusive but im behaving like i am because i have no interest in anyone else. i feel like a lot of my feelings are my own fault because i set these rules that didn’t suit what i actually wanted and i don’t want to go back on them because they were mutual rules

jtkachuk92

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@anastasiaab Rules can change. If they really care about you they'll listen and adapt. You said that they have to heal/work on themselves, what issues do they have (if you don't mind sharing)? I set the rules as it sounds like you did and was pleasantly surprised when I did finally have the courage to say "this agreement isn't working for me anymore, my S.O. said "okay" and that was that. Now I'm not saying that's what will happen in your situation, but is it worth obessesing over someone who might up and leave tomorrow? Then they'd be the one breaking the rules, but they wouldn't care. Your happiness and ability to be content with your surroundings should be your number 1 priority. If you're not happy, your relationship will never be happy/healthy. I got so worked up I thought I had the flu prior to saying "I just want to be with you and no-one else." You've already made up your mind. You just have to talk to them. Love isn't easy to navigate. Find a time that they're in a good mood, you're not too in your head, maybe make/order lunch or dinner and after your settling down, express your feelings. Your feelings are valid and should be heard.

Mazy420

Date posted: 24w

Advice on this situation 😭

I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.

Relationship OCD

aaanonymous

Date posted: 23w

really worried about my lover

non explicit nsfw +18 i had a thought like "i should have never doubted that my lover is attracted to me" and for some reason it triggered me, i cant really explain it, but it made me feel like i have done/thought bad things when it comes to our sex life. like, it has happened that at times when they would tell me no i would feel a bit disappointed cus i really enjoy being intimate, but they told me many many many times ( since it's an obsession of mine and i asked for reassurance ) that i never treated them badly or made them feel hurt or obligated when it comes to intimacy. they would break up with me and not want me around in the slightest if I did. I still feel really worried even if I didn't hurt them, but im afraid that i have thought bad things or was toxic about it. idk

str4berrycoo...

Date posted: 18w

how i deal with the "what ifs" (+18)

i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.

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