82023
- Date posted
- 2y
zoehasocdzoehasocd
- Date posted
- 2y
There's nothing wrong with that! Fiction exists for us to project fantasies into. A fictional (fake) 17-year old is not a real child, you did not commit an illegal act of any kind. Please seek help if you can for POCD. You are not a pedophile.
ReadyForImprovementReadyForImpr...
- Date posted
- 2y
I hope you can ERP your way through this one. OCD is so unforgiving. Practicing self-compassion can help when we've done something we aren't proud of. Self-compassion.org has some free resources that might help you with that.
CerseiCersei
- Date posted
- 2y
You're not. A P*d* is someone who's attracted to prepubescent children. A 17-year-old imaginary character is not the same so don't worry.
8202382023
- Date posted
- 2y
Thank you that’s what I’m trying to convince myself. Unfortunately I had someone on here leave a pretty mean and judgemental comment (it’s gone now) which was a huge trigger just as I was trying to get better
m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3
- Date posted
- 2y
Did you constantly think about this character? And what character actually? Like anime?
8202382023
- Date posted
- 2y
Yes and a real person character, although the actor playing them is the same age as me
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 2y
Are you the same person that had asked about your attraction with an adult actor that plays the role of a minor? If so, then it sounded like you're attracted to this actor who you said is the same age as you and not the fictional character. Or did you look for this character in particular? If so, that is a bad mistake but I doubt it was that and your OCD is trying to mix these two things together. If what I mentioned above wasn't you, then I apologize.
8202382023
- Date posted
- 2y
I don’t think I’m the same person. But it was the character I liked it’s not a new thing when I was a minor myself I was very attracted to them. This is the only time it’s happened I have never found a minor attractive or would ever want any type of relationship at all with one
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 2y
@82023 I understand the parts where you say you were attracted to them when you were a minor and that you don't want anything to do with a relationship involving a minor, but I'm still trying to understand the attraction to the character. Character, as in their personality, or how they look? Sorry for not catching it all right away. So it was the character you liked and not the actor?
8202382023
- Date posted
- 2y
@BigGyro09 Sorry for not making much sense I’ve had a pretty traumatic day mentally with it all. But yes it was the character i liked (how they look mainly) I guess the looks part is due to the actor but I initially was thinking of the character. However in the show the character is shown aged up and that’s the version I was thinking of (them as a fully grown adult) but my ocd is telling me I’m still a p*do because I still found the 17 year old attractive, but I felt weird about sexualising that version of them. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense like I said I’ve had a rough 24 hours and am venting
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 2y
@82023 Now it's starting to make sense to me! Sorry that this has been bothering you so much. I really do hope it calms down because I don't think you're in the wrong like your OCD says you are. It just sounds like you were attracted to the adult version of this character and the actor who is the same age as you played a part in that attraction as well. Aside from that, you've been attracted to this character since you were a minor, and that also adds onto things, but NOT in the ways POCD says it does. From what I'm reading, it just sounds like a adult is attracted to an aged up version of the character and the actor, and not the 17 year old version of that character and ONLY the underaged character. It's basically not at all the underaged version. Still, I can see why your OCD would bother you about this so heavily. It's for the simple fact that the character is 17 even if there's the adult version of the character.
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- Date posted
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- Date posted
- 13w
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I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔
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