Big TW! Just trying to vent I made a huge mistake a few nights ago I m*sterb*ted to a 17 year old character (I’m 23). I feel disgusted with myself and sick. People online have told me I’m a p*do so now I truly believe it. I’ve gone backwards I skipped dinner bcs I feel I don’t deserve to eat I feel too sick. My ocd is also enjoying playing scenarios where I’m hurt, locked up or d*ad because I deserve it. It’s the consequences of my own actions and I feel sick with myself.

Thank you that’s what I’m trying to convince myself. Unfortunately I had someone on here leave a pretty mean and judgemental comment (it’s gone now) which was a huge trigger just as I was trying to get better

Yes and a real person character, although the actor playing them is the same age as me

I don’t think I’m the same person. But it was the character I liked it’s not a new thing when I was a minor myself I was very attracted to them. This is the only time it’s happened I have never found a minor attractive or would ever want any type of relationship at all with one

@82023 I understand the parts where you say you were attracted to them when you were a minor and that you don't want anything to do with a relationship involving a minor, but I'm still trying to understand the attraction to the character. Character, as in their personality, or how they look? Sorry for not catching it all right away. So it was the character you liked and not the actor?

@BigGyro09 Sorry for not making much sense I’ve had a pretty traumatic day mentally with it all. But yes it was the character i liked (how they look mainly) I guess the looks part is due to the actor but I initially was thinking of the character. However in the show the character is shown aged up and that’s the version I was thinking of (them as a fully grown adult) but my ocd is telling me I’m still a p*do because I still found the 17 year old attractive, but I felt weird about sexualising that version of them. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense like I said I’ve had a rough 24 hours and am venting

@82023 Now it's starting to make sense to me! Sorry that this has been bothering you so much. I really do hope it calms down because I don't think you're in the wrong like your OCD says you are. It just sounds like you were attracted to the adult version of this character and the actor who is the same age as you played a part in that attraction as well. Aside from that, you've been attracted to this character since you were a minor, and that also adds onto things, but NOT in the ways POCD says it does. From what I'm reading, it just sounds like a adult is attracted to an aged up version of the character and the actor, and not the 17 year old version of that character and ONLY the underaged character. It's basically not at all the underaged version. Still, I can see why your OCD would bother you about this so heavily. It's for the simple fact that the character is 17 even if there's the adult version of the character.