- Username
- anonymousN
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Most OCD specialists consider TOCD a natural extension of HOCD. You’ve suffered from HOCD as well — from what I’ve seen in other posts of yours — so it makes sense you’re experiencing both. I had HOCD in the past and I’m dealing with TOCD now. I know the suffering and struggle of these themes. Don’t go down the internet rabbit hole about TOCD. It’s a compulsion and only feeds your doubts and worries. Plus there just isn’t as much info on it as HOCD and that in itself and can fuel more doubt. Stop imagining yourself as a man to “test” your reaction to it. Again, that’s a compulsion. Talk to your psychiatrist. Are they an OCD specialist? Or is this person just managing your meds? You need a proper OCD specialist who can do ERP with you. Anytime an intrusive image or thoughts comes into your mind about this say to yourself: “yeah, I guess that’s a possibility. But it’s also possible this is OCD and my confirmation bias is muddling my ability to reason right now. I don’t need an answer immediately. I’m unsure and I accept that for now.” I know being unsure is scary, but the more you can show your brain that you can accept doubt into your life without falling apart, the less of a hold these thoughts will have on you. Eventually, yeah you’ll figure this all out and feel normal again. But right now, that’s just not possible. OCD clouds our judgment with fear and fear is not how you’re going to discover anything real about yourself.
@pureolife I made the mistake of going down that rabbit hole on reddit. Worst mistake of my life.
when did you get OCD, and how old are you? I've been fighting TOCd for 8 months now and it's not easy but you get used to it
I don’t know exactly when it started . It started getting really bad about 7 months ago . But i didn’t find out it was “OCD” (I put parentheses because I’m not diagnosed) till March of this year . I’m 18 and I started battling with this thought the first time in February. Then it went away . Then again in May and June . It went away again for awhile ... and all of a sudden it’s back . This has been my money reoccurring and dreadful theme .
But I can remember as a little girl having intrusive thoughts but not necessarily sexual or violent it would be about god and the universe . Or one time i kept thinking of spiders .
The hardest thing IS to accept that it's just OCD.
ok that's better for your OCD, :)
maybe too intimate, but what is your sexual orientation? Maybe some interpersonal conflict is due to orientation as with me.
I’m a straight female
Well. I thought I was but now idk
lol good one
Okayed me start off by day I’m not seeking reassurance so don’t give it to me . I just need to know that I’m not alone in this trans theme . This is the second month that I had this theme . It has completely ruined me . I’m not going to lie it has me a bit suicidal I feel like I’m going insane and I feel like I’m a whole different person. Like I just turned into a boy out of nowhere . And it feels very real . And I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore without second guessing myself . My brain will either tell me I look like a boy or tell me I am one . I don’t like it . But I feel like I just have to try to deal with it now . Like maybe I am a boy now ? It pains to have to “accept” something like this because I know deep down inside no matter how real it feels , I am Naja Demsyn . But my brain just won’t stop no matter what I do . I stoped the googling , I stopped the compulsions, I’ve tried the sarcasm and it still will not go away . I feel like it’s erasing my entire life . I’ve been a girl for 18 years and never questioned it and did what I enjoyed . I was happy the way I was . I had minor insecurities but I was confident as a girl growing into a woman . I wanted a husband and to be married with kids . I looked up to other woman like Beyoncé and Michelle Obama . I wanted to be like my sisters . I liked doing things like getting my nails and hair done . It made me feel good . And all of that was taken from me . It tells me I hate my body , I hate my face . Can’t stop getting images of myself as a boy . Tells me I’m not really In love with my boyfriend and I never liked boys . It’s told me that I was really like this my entire life . Sometimes it even makes up little scenarios of the past as if I’ve questioned my gender before . This has to be the worst theme that has ever happened to me . I legit can not take it . I feel like I won’t recover from this and I am going to be forced to be something I never wanted to be and live unhappy. And this is where the suicidal thoughts come in . If I can’t be myself than what’s the point of living ? It associates me with Every man I see as if I am there equal . And I’m not and I don’t want to be . And I keep praying that it will go away and nothing works . I don’t know what else to do my options are getting limited I’m getting more depressed and life is getting so much more evil than it was before . Someone please give me some kind of advice at least on how to deal with this or what may happen to me . I’m scared , I’m lonely and I feel like dying .
Sooooooo omg my mom mentioned that she saw a show on televisopn where people with weird mental ilnesses spoke and she mentioned that there was someone with hocd and how she thought it was weird but she thought in this generation she doesnt blame people for having it because it isnt their own fault and there is alot of pressure on your sexuality and omg i got sooo red and i felt like i was gonna burst out in tears and tell them everyything i was sooo close to just break and tell them what ive been going trough for the past year. Im so freaked out and like... i jusr wanna tell them but im ashamed and i know i will n e v e r tell them but i cant believe i got this close. And i just dont know what to do bevause on the show the doctor said a looot of people approached him with having hocd and that its really a new big mental ilness thing. You know what it is, my mom said that the man on the show who had hocd said he wasnt in to guys at all but his brain told him he liked it and that was me in the ebginning of hocd but now i have a feeling i cant relate anymore and that hurts so much because its like hocd has gotten so deep into me that i honestly believe it and like i created genuine feelings towards woman. I dont know what to think anymroe. I pray everynight god will Release me and somehow i feel like this is my punishment for not listenig to Him and i also todsy read in the bible That people who ignore god do things wrong when it comes to sexual stuff and that people wont be able to think clear anymore and that they will be lost and thats just me and im So afraid because the bible says people will be punished for it idk im so freaked out!!!! I wanna be a better person so bad but i cant when my brain is like this i need help from god but im scared he just rejects me vecause ive been a horrrible person. So selfish and i know my heart is ebtter than that but i cant set good apart from bad bevause my brain wont let me. Its like i dont give a shit about anyhting anymore and i miss me who could think clear and who was genuine and honored god. Its like ny current brain cant do that snymore it doesnt have the right functions for it anymorw. Like the good part in me had been cut out and im tryna find it but its destroyed and theres no way it will come back.
Can someone just read this? I'm starting to get really afraid this is true. This whole thing is terrible like hell. What scares me even more is I learned some tricks to decrease the thoughts and they have worked but the groinal response is still there and it's terrible. Last night I was watching TV despite the anxiety and tried not responding to the thoughts anxiety or the response. Leading up to the terrible response I was thinking of a attractive woman about 5 seconds before it happened. Then a close-up of a fellow male popped up on a commercial. A little blood went down there. Not enough to even change its size but it scared the shit out of me. Was it me thinking about that woman? Increased blood flow from Anxiety? I turned off the TV and my hands started shaking, shaking has been a recent product of this. The thought of being with a man especially sex is still revolting to me through the entirety of this. ( If I offended anyone I didn't mean too ). I've been in relationships with women and loved it, I have always enjoyed sex with women. But what's up with the groinal response bullshit? All I've ever wanted is a wife and kids and I feel it's being ripped from me. I really hope this is OCD. People here have gone over 15 years with this and I can't take five months? I can barely take this anymore. I want to be myself again. Is that too much to ask God?
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