Help / advice

I’m feeling really distressed at the moment, I’m very confused and my thoughts are all over the place so I’m going to try and write out my concerns on here. Any advice would help me. A few years ago ( I’m not sure when actually at all ) I was in a bar there was a band on and I was watching the band briefly as I walked back to my friend. As I was stood there I women came over and smiled, I smiled back and she motioned to dance with me, she turned around and sort of backed into me. I sought of went along with it thinking that was harmless then she put hand behind her and brushed over my groinal area - this was intentional on her part. When she did it I had a groinal response and sought of felt aroused but at the same time surprised at what happened. Her friends saw what was happened and quickly got her and moved her away. The whole thing from her dancing to her moving her hands was over in seconds. I remember at the time feeling really guilty at the time and really uncomfortable about what had happened. Now I’m feeling so ashamed about what happened. I’m married and feel so bad - I didn’t want her to do what she did and didn’t ask her. But why didn’t I react quicker and why did I feel arousal. I’m really ashamed but confused at the same time, it’s not something I wanted her to do but why didn’t I react strongly at the time

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Hey, I'm sorry you are going through this distress. OCD loves to get us to spend time dissecting the past or jumping ahead to the future. What helped me was to understand and accept that the more I try to remember, be sure, or figure something out, the less sure I become. It's just how it works. No matter how hard you try, you will never be sure, there will always be doubt. We can never know anything 100%. In fact, when we try to get certainty, we are doing compulsions. Compulsions only make our fears/uncertainties worse. I have been where you are, and even though it doesn't feel like it, when you stop trying to figure it all out, clarity will come. The trick is to not look for clarity. Be willing to allow and accept the distress you are having now. It won't feel good right away, in fact, you will feel pretty bad. Be willing to feel all the feelings. While you're feeling them be sure to do value based activities, not fear based activities. No rumination or reassurance seeking. If you reassurance seek you will only feed the OCD beast and the next time a doubt pops up it will be even harder to resist doing compulsions. This takes time and practice. You will have to do this again and again, but the good news is, with practice you will feel so much better. You will get your life back. I had untreated OCD for so long. Therapy with NOCD was life changing. I finally got the tools to be able to get over OCD. It took time and practice. I encourage you to reach out to NOCD if that's an option for you. The sooner you stop compulsions (rumination, reassurance seeking) the sooner you will be able to enjoy your life without the distress. Take care!

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y

@VGH This is what I needed to hear - thank you for taking the time to message me

ATG2023

Date posted: 1y

You did nothing wrong. Spare of the moment. You didn’t cheat on your wife. Men do far worse.

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y

@ATG2023 Thank you my friend

ATG2023

Date posted: 1y

@Jonathan123147 My pleasure!

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Glad it helped, hang in there, it gets better!

hi3456

Date posted: 16w

Huge tw I’m so scared I’m a r*pist people have told me I am. I wanted to lose my virginity when I was 19 I felt embarrassed and ashamed I hadn’t. I decided to get drunk and find someone in a club to lose it to. I don’t remember much other than I was happy it was finally happening and remember thinking my plan had worked. I was told by friends that the other person was drunk and possibly on drugs. I must be a r*pist as I knew what I was doing and instigated it, I took advantage and used someone. I feel sick and don’t deserve to move on I can’t even apologies as it was a complete stranger what if they’re living with trauma because of me.

Real Events OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Arousal to something you don't like feeling like u did something terrible

Hey guys recently I been facing anxiety because I have a fear that I acted on something I know I didn't do but it feels real because it felt like I had attraction and arousal to a younger photo of a ex gf I feel so weird feel so anxious I need help Idk what to do

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Having a erection while simultaneously having bad memories of past actions

Hey guys I'm 17 years old I had experience with OCD I looked trans pornography and femboy stuff I'm straight I didn't jerk off to it I was really only looking at it in the past I have but for some reason I just felt like looking at it and when I did I did experience arousal not only that while I had a boner I simultaneously was thinking of memories and bad actions I had in 4th grade with another boy I myself not a homosexual I was a kid I did something with another boy I regret it I had that thought in my head lingering there in my head but I noticed pre ejaculation and now I feel anxiety because now it feels like I was intrigued by the thought it feels like it is it was probably to the video visual stimulus but it's hard I didn't jerk off to it at all I was really just looking idk what to do it feels like I did experience it to the video but also my thoughts say to the thought idk what to do can someone shed light on this

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