Why does it feel like I'm putting these gay thoughts in my head?I honestly think I might be. I've never been gay always strongly attracted to woman but it's been going on for months now and it's kinda gotten worse. I'm worried I'm gay or this is the new me
I feel this way too with SOOCD... But I try to remember that if it was my true identity, my thoughts/feelings wouldn't cause me anxiety and I would have no doubt, I would my identity for sure...
Honestly though I don't even know if I have anxiety. It seems like at times I ignore everything else to a degree. I don't know if I have anxiety or is it just me I get so confused on this and everything else around my sexuality anymore and that used to never be me
I get this too.. Currently working on exposures saying “I’m gay” in my head.. but the emotions that come with it are weird. I have anxiety.. but then don’t know if I’m admitting it or not. Then I get like this “relief” sensation.. which then scares me too.. I’m doing my best but so hard
Yeees I think I know what you're talking about 😅 you try to stop avoiding your feelings but then you're like : "wait, I am actually enjoying this?", especially with sexual themes in OCD... Because we tend to associate every thought relating physical sensations with sexual attraction (I feel like our society is soooo hypersexualized)... but actually it does not mean sexual attraction. Even physical PLEASURE does not equal SEXUAL pleasure
@Mathilde ♥️ Well I could see that for scenarios.. but when it comes to me saying “I am gay” I get that relief sensation… which idk what it means and it’s scary
@Anonymous Well in my opinion, maybe it just means that you accept the presence of your thoughts and of your feelings, without labelling them as "bad" or "inappropriate" :) there are just normal things occuring in your mind and your body and they are not a sign of sexual attraction/desire! Nothing can change how you want to be, nothing can stop you from being your ideal self, it is just OCD making you doubt ;) when in reality there is nothing wrong with yourself. What makes us suffer is how OCD transforms our perception of this reality and convinces us that something is wrong
@Mathilde ♥️ I just worry that I'm gay Ive liked woman all my life and I want to keep liking woman but just like you said it's a lot of doubt or the full attraction isn't there I guess due to the anxiety and ocd?
@Mathilde ♥️ Thank you.. that means a lot. Also, I’m the one who’s doing the exposure. There other Anonymous is the one who originally made this post.
@Anonymous Yes I think so... If it can help you, I have read an article that tackles this topic : https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/demystifying-ocd/202112/making-sense-physical-sensations-in-sexual-themed-ocd
@Anonymous You're welcome, we're all in this together 🙏🙏💝💝😂😂 I just love how this app allows us to get to talk to others and make progress
@Mathilde ♥️ Thank you! I'm just a mess I get so worried. Like in my head a lot is men's private and I never wanted that and it feels like my brain is telling me I do and trying to trick me that I do and I'm so worried I actually do like it and that I'm in denial or something I just don't understand why can't I just go back to liking woman like I did 4 months ago
@Anonymous Yes, it's like telling a kid not to touch something or look at something. The more you tell him not to do so, the more he wants it, we all have these feelings, right ? So you try to push your thoughts away, but they come back, you try to push away the possibility of liking these thoughts, are the feeling of "liking" it comes back stronger... So our brain is completely focused on this only, and our other feelings are put aside and we feel completely numb... There's just this pain... But it's our brain tricking us, there is no danger in reality. You have a thought about someone of your gender ? Ok, and then ? Is there anything dangerous with this ? You have a sexual thought, of course you are going to feel something, its biological, its just a zone of our body with a lot of nerves and blood vessels etc... So you can feel a physical sensation! And let's say it : pleasure! Everyone can ! And it has nothing to do with sexual attraction! Humans can feel physical sensations like this from the moment they're born. People with pocd feel this when they have a thought about a kid ! People with incest OCD get it, thinking about a family member! And they are not sexually ATTRACTED to them. Just like when someone gives you a kiss, it's going to feel soft on your cheek, it's a physical sensation :)
@Mathilde ♥️ Our brain tells us "something is wrong, we like something scary!" But there's nothing scary. With time and therapy we learn to reconnect with ourselves and let the feelings come in, when we become able to realize that our fear is not justified
@Mathilde ♥️ Thank you so much! I really appreciate you! I'm trying to be hopeful amd I've been talking to a therapist. It's just so stressful and I feel like I actually like it at times
@Anonymous You're welcome, it's heartwarming to talk to other people like this 💝 once, I have seen a video of a therapist who explained : "you wonder : what if I like the thought? Well of course you like the thought! Did you know we are supposed to enjoy physical sensations?" And he explains that groinal response is not a sign of sexual attraction but rather a natural reaction to a thought (the guy is Nathan Peterson, and this video is called "What if I LIKE my thoughts?"
@Mathilde ♥️ Thank you again. I've always liked woman too and I'm 20 years old like that just wouldn't change out of nowhere right?
@Anonymous Well, nothing can "transform" you, you are happy the way you are, you are not denying/hiding anything. In my case, I am asexual and I have never been happier since I acknowledged it. My soocd keeps telling me that maybe I am not who I think I am (same for pocd, incest OCD) and that my ideal self/my happy self is actually not true and that I have hidden dark desires... And it's hard 😅😂 but I try to stick to the trust I have in life and the people who help me !
@Mathilde ♥️ No I get all of that. So you would say I'm straight from what I've told you?
@Mathilde ♥️ And why can't I feel like I used to about woman completely too? I feel kinda devastated/depressed about it
@Anonymous Yes, real attraction is ego syntonic and makes people happy, whereas sooocd is intrusive and makes us anxious 🙏
@Anonymous Maybe because you are completely focused on your fear and your body is too anxious to feel like normal ! But in your heart, if you know who you are and who you love, then everything will be normal again in some time, right ?
@Mathilde ♥️ Thank you for talking to me! It helped!
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
I don’t know if it’s SOOCD. I no longer feel anxious in the moment when I think about women, and it’s like my imagination wants me to think about it and get aroused. I don’t want to be gay, but maybe I am after all. In my life I haven’t been so sexually driven before (when I was living with a man, or when being single) but now all I can think about is having sex with a woman. I don’t want to, but somehow my body does and it feels like my mind have changed to accept it to.. feel so sad This all started around 4 weeks ago..
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