Does Harm OCD ask you why not?

Yes I absolutely understand this!

First most i want to apologize if this is irrelevant and if I missed the point of what you were asking. I have advice/perspective id like to share but want to make sure i express that its based on person experience and may not apply to your circumstances whatsoever but that more importantly i do not want to negatively affect you by assuming and speculating ideas which may not relate to your condition and could potentially mislead you rather than help you in your journey to find greater mental peace and health. Its a valid question that it seems you initially begin with the positioning of “arguing semantics” which means posing a question or argument for the sake of identifying deeper and or alternative meanings and interpretations from it. Its an effective tool used in critical thinking and analysis and when scrutinizing logic. As habits are formed under the influence of the OCD they can become overwhelmingly intense. What starts out as a tightness in your chest from facing an oppressive figure can over time due to its insurmountability and persistence becomes so overwhelming that we pick up apathy as a shield and shut down the whole process to avoid the mental stress from being overwhelmed by feelings to intense to process with the absolute resolution that those of us with OCD tend to establish where we refuse to let go of the unresolved or dismiss fears unconquered. I could be entirely wrong as i don’t know your circumstances but if nothing else i hope this insight can help you process your own feelings and thoughts in a way that helps reduce the emotional and mental stress you’re experiencing from the confusio. Having both the emotionally charged state of being upset at someone and then having an upsetting thought, isn’t uncommon for OCD as the fear of causing harm to others causes you to seek those potentials in order to safeguard against them, in this case it seems one potential assumption is that you tested yourself psychologically and shut down in the presence of your own authority. Being trapped by and having to explain yourself to a higher authority can in some people with related traumas trigger a sensory overload and in the struggle to process everything defaults to a cathartic state to emotionally protect yourself and guard against the stress. It’s overstimulation like when deer look into headlights, but i can imagine asking a question of such moral weight of myself and feeling disturbed if I didn’t have an immediately obvious and truthful response.. so in the light of the two, shutting down from the anxiety and so experiencing that cognitive dissonance and then immediately being disturbed by what appears to be a “not-right” reaction and response, so becoming frustrated feeling such strong psycho-emotional incongruity in the face of your own moral goodness.

Them.*

Mines is more like you could if you really wanted to or it would be so easy