Why

Why do I feel like a p :( like ugh what if I’m really suppressing creepy thoughts, and I was also emotionally and sexually abused and what if I think the same like my abuser bc I really feel lost right now like what if I eventually become like him bc that’s what it reallly feels like right now :( and I hate myself. And I feel like I have these thoughts and it feels like I agree with them.. and I feel like there’s nothing I can do bc I’m going to become my abuser :/ I’m really scared bc I had this feeling of doom when I first started having intrusive thoughts of what If I become my abuser and predicting it. And Idk what if I felt aroused by kids voices in the beginning of this? :( and sometimes there would be kids at my job and I would notice them and these thoughts about their body come up and it’s like now I can’t unsee it and it feel like I agree with them, bc it’ll be thoughts that my stepdad had about me like I have a butt or whatever and was only a kid and now I feel like I’m doing the same thing but it’ll just pop up as the the first thing I see which I hate bc I would have these thoughts so much so idk if I got used to them or if it changed for me to worry about now but I’m really scared like really sacred bc now I feel like I’m going to do something in the future where I can’t control myself and I’m scared, and I hate how I have thoughts like oh now I understand what a p feels like but not bc I actually like it yk like I hate it but it’s like before when the thoughts happened I was like I could never understand why a p thought like this and now after a while of having the thoughts it’s like I understand now but I absolutely hate it like I hate bc I would never want to do that or experience that pleasure they get from that, and it’s so complicated and I feel so ashamed to talk about other things that I feel aren’t like okay or idk if its ocd but I don’t want to go to hell bc what if this is the real me bad and evil and I have these feelings and i feel guilty and it feels like I should admit it true even if I feel a little off like idk, like why do I notice kids bodies.. and notice they have like developed bodies and I hate that and I feel weird and I feel scared of that idk I need help bc I feel like I’m panicking, and it will be thoughts like she has a nice body or she has a butt ect and idk I feel like its weird to think that or say it but my mom has said that and she’s not a p or idk if I’m considering it normal but I didn’t think like that until when I had intrusive thoughts and I was also abused which came from that so idk… I hope im not weird and this is the deepest I’ve said and o hope I don’t get judged but idk maybe I would find it a bit weird if I didn’t have ocd if I read this :( I need help.

drak4

Date posted: 1y

Hi. Thank you for your honesty. OCD can manifest itself also in topics of pocd, fear of being p* or hurting kids. Many good people who have ocd go trought this and they never ever hurt a kid. They are the last to do it, because they fear it so much. Your symptoms look like OCD, you are full of doubt and fear... these thought came and testing you, questioning you if you are p* or not... but you know how hard it is for you to experience it all, so you are not...real offending p* seek plans how to acess kids for ill intent. You are total opposite... you have good intent... i am sorry for you, what you experienced as trauma what you was younger...your fears can be increased by it, but I promise you with right therapy you will recover and ocd people really never act badly on their ill thought... I also had pocd for a year and now recovered a gret deal...i am so happy and can enjoy time with family...

noDoubt

Date posted: 1y

Hi. I worked with kids and it was such a. Dream job for me , then POCD starting happening and I literally lost myself . the company ended up laying us all off ( sometimes I felt like a blessing in disguise ) . However I feel the same. And when you’re stressed it hightens . They turn into automatic thoughts like u didn’t think, of it that’s a problem , so here think of it now

noDoubt

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Also, if this makes u feel any better one the kid I worked with that was a trigger to me bc she was my fav student , I ended up in the same store with her the other day . I freaked out I went to avoid every isle I was in and yk I said it’s not that I want to harm or feel anything close but I just avoid bc of the anxiety thoughts so I let it go and was hoping she’d approach me w her mom so I can expose myself internally . I felt happy. If I was really. p I’d follow her into isles to look at her etc I was avoiding it

noDoubt

Date posted: 1y

A p will go out there way to get that feeling Walk around Schools parks restrooms etc. we avoid really . Even saying all this still gets me thinking “ but why am I even having these thoughts and urges so bad to resists “ honestly Ocd is an anxiety disorder. We will all get through it. Much love , my name is Alyssa btw 24

katr :,)

Date posted: 1y

@noDoubt Okay well I feel like I might do those things or something 😭 bc I made a post last time where it felt like I wanted to look but I didn’t and not follow juzt look but I still feel creepy and guilty bc I feel like I’m actually becoming one now and what if I never had these thoughts would I actually be a p..? :( which makes me think there’s no happy ending if I never had these thoughts I would just be a p

noDoubt

Date posted: 1y

@katr :,) I think you wanna look to see how you feel , you’re checking and scanning your body’s feelings . also , a therapist once told me, a true pedophille doesn’t get help, is on an OCD app, treatment, on Reddit. Nothing. They do it bc they don’t think it’s wrong at all . I suggest you go to Barnes and nobles and pick up an OCD workbook people like you and me there are so many, you should feel safer to know how much the thought of being a P makes you anxious. A true person to harm it doesn’t make them anxious or cry to hate themslsves they just do it , it’s normal to them. Not a thought is is this bad? You’re human, and I love you(: idk you but you’re not a creep. Thank you for sharing

noDoubt

Date posted: 1y

Trust me, I feel the same I’m not any better but I want you to feel less alone reality is we are no harm . ..

tayanominous

Date posted: 24w

I’m scared does anyone else have these thoughts?

TW!!!! TW! Not talking abt SOCD in talking abt those really gross intrusive thoughts about sexual things with family ,friends, animals, random people. Mine is with family specifically my mom and I am so scared and my OCD is saying I actually want these thoughts to happen irl. I’m scared and these thoughts aren’t just the average incest thoughts there are sooo messed up it crazy, a few weeks ago I gas a thought that I was pregnant with that family member I mentioned before and I know ewwwwww wtf it’s sooo bad and I’m scared ppl will judge me for it in here or my therapist I’m so scared and it keeps adding to this thought like what it would be like if that were true and it’s sounds so crazy and gross and f****d up I feel so guilty and scared and I don’t wanna do ERP cuz I’m scared worse thoughts will come and your probably think well I can’t get worse then that but unfortunately it probably could anyways I’m sorry for ranting and pls pls reply cuz I feel rlly alone cuz I feel like no one gets THESE thoughts aghhh 😖

Youactlikeyo...

Date posted: 20w

Is this apart of ocd?

Hi I just have a few questions! (Im 14 btw) Okay so basically I’m really worried I’ll become a pedo/I already am and I don’t know it yet. I’m also really scared if I SA someone, even tho I don’t want to and I’d never do something like that but I feel like this part of me is saying that I will and it’s really scaring me. I feel so alone and I’m so scared I’m a bad person on the inside and this isn’t ocd and I’m gonna unleash hell on this earth I’m so scared. I’ll get a thought like if I’m walking past someone random it will be like “What if you sa them?” And it scares me so bad I feel horrible for thinking that. Is this apart of it? I feel like I’m always fixated on the topic of sa to check if I would do something like that, I don’t know anymore I just feel like a bad person (btw I have not done anything like that to anyone!)

sanshine

Date posted: 16w

I'm scared....

𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞

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