I’m realizing the effect ocd is having on me.

@JordTheNord Every new conversation feels awkward. I have a really bad habit of trauma dumping because I don’t know what else to do. Trying to be flirty or fun is impossible for me because it’s out of my element. I’m better off as a hermit because I feel like everyone thinks I’m a creep anyways. I see myself as creepy not normal. I can’t get out of my head. I’ve been doing therapy and I know I have more going on with me than just ocd. I know I have a lot of unresolved trauma and I know that in time I might be able to have friends without feeling like a burden but I don’t know. I feel like I can’t find that connection with anybody and when I do find it I get worried that they will hate me and I cut ties with them before they do to me. The friends I do keep we don’t text eachother for months at a time. The only people I talk to more are my family. And even then I think they think I’m creepy and weird.

@somebodyelse I’m sorry to hear you feel that way about yourself. If it helps I wrote a letter to my parents that I didn’t deserve gifts for Christmas when I was younger than 10 years old. I’ve dealt with similar feelings throughout teenage years with peers and relationships into my early 20s. I’ve felt that conversations feel awkward even if I’m speaking in the middle of them. Let’s take a deep amazing breath. I want you to think of 3 things you enjoy about yourself. Idc if other ppl don’t like it or do like it but I want you to think of them on your own. You can share if you like but not needed. Now, have you thought about your personality that maybe flirty and fun isn’t your style? I know plenty of girls that aren’t like that and are amazing ppl. Even girls that love their alone time. That’s great that you’re doing therapy and acknowledging you might have other things going on that potentially might be causing some pain and not just OCD. It’s pretty accountable to admit that. And helpful! I’m glad to hear as of right now you do have a community of ppl you can talk to even if you don’t feel the greasiest about yourself around them. However that does seem to me that it’s how you’re viewing yourself. And of course like you said there might be things you need to resolve to get substantially better. Howeve, I think you’re doing great by all that you’re doing because I’ve been there and it really hurt sometimes feeling and thinking about myself the way you are now. I promise though you can get better and feel more comfortable being in your own skin. Be you. Not anyone else. Remember you might not be accepted by all. Even great ppl aren’t accepted by everyone. Just you need to be ok with you are which I know that’s what you’re working on.