intrusive hurt

i’ve been cheated on and left a 3 year relationship august 18th, its now almost a month later, my dads birthday to be exact. and i went out to eat with my parents. and i kept having the intrusive thought that if my dad cheated on my mom. and now i feel like i can’t trust anybody. because i told my ex how fragile my heart was and everyday for 3 years he reassured me how he would never cheat on me. he said he couldn’t even cheat on me because he only has eyes for me and that i mean more than anything to him. he said why would he want to ruin us. and then guess what?? he ruined us and now my trust is shattered and idk anything anymore.

thereishope:)

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y

Hi Sabrinaindigo, I am so sorry to hear what you went through. I went through a very similar experience. Like with many other OCD fears, it sounds like your concerns are rooted in uncertainty - thoughts like "how can I trust anyone ever again?" "how can I guarantee this will never happen again?" "How can I ever date again not fully knowing if my partner will stay faithful." I had many similar questions, and it took a period of time being single and then some time dating again to manage the uncertainty better and feel more comfortable. In short, like with managing other OCD fears, I eventually had to come to terms with the simple fact - "I can't guarantee anything, and I need to accept this fact in order to live my life." No matter who I am in a relationship with, there is some chance they will cheat (even if it's astronomically low like <0.0000001%). For some partners, it may be higher and for some it may be lower, but certainty is ever-elusive. What I have done is try to gauge the qualities of my partner (like how much they show care and respect for me) over time to get a sense of whether I think they're going to be very loyal. Do I think I will get cheated on in this relationship? Definitely not, otherwise I would leave it immediately! But is it possible they could be faking their intentions and cheat on me? Yes, it's possible for everyone (including myself) to get cheated on - even if it's a super low chance. All in all though, if I want to get married and believe God calls me to be a husband and a father, I need to take that risk. I could avoid romantic relationships for the rest of my life to avoid being cheated on, but the costs of doing that would be astronomically high. Therefore, like with facing other OCD fears - it's about dealing with uncertainty. I can't guarantee anything bad won't happen, but if I never dated again I could certainly guarantee I would be missing out on a lot in life. I'm also pleased to report I have established trust and comfort with my current partner, even after a prior experience like yours. I hope this helps, and just remember - there is always help out there and always hope! Godspeed on your journey.

sabrinaindigo

Date posted: 1y

@thereishope:) thank you so much, i just have to keep reminding myself that things take time and you’re absolutely right. and thanks i will start asking myself that question if i ever get into a relationship with someone else. “do i think they are the type of person to cheat”, because honestly based on the qualities of a person you can tell who you’re willing of giving the benefit of the doubt to, thanks for putting that into perspective! ofc this healing time period hurts so bad. but thanks ‘thereishope:)’, you made me feel that there is hope!

miku -_-

Date posted: 22w

Can’t sleep

I’m just full of emotions right now. I feel like I just want to explode. I broke up with my ex a week ago he keeps texting me saying I love you I don’t respond because I don’t pay no mind. What’s bothering me is why did I let this dude use me and I trusted him. He manipulated and used me and I have serious trust issues I never tell anyone what I go through because it’s not safe at all. I feel like I don’t want to trust a guy ever again yes I’m 19 and I’m still young and should date but I don’t have the energy anymore. I attract terrible men that use me and I cave in to easy because I’m lonely and my life is miserable and even doing the things I used to like feel like a chore. I told my sister this today and she said I should be patient that the right man will come to me. But I feel like even if he did I would reject him because I’m an easy person to take advantage of.

punchy_blondie0

Date posted: 20w

hyper vigilance

does anyone have any tips to help with hyper vigilance in a relationship? In my past relationship I got cheated on and it hurt me mentally, and now with my current partner I always have a constant fear that something bad is going to happen even though I trust him a bunch. Like if he brings up another girl and says oh she said this. And I get so triggered by it, how do I stop. Like I trust him 100% but my mind isn’t letting me, and I feel like I always start this and do this to myself. Or if it’s a girl from his past relationship and something gets brought up about it because of me, and he’s tells me it still makes me mad.

Relationship OCD

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 20w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

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