Feeling Unsupported With OCD

So OCD is a new thing for me and I’m completely unsure about how to navigate this. I’ve been struggling a lot recently with intrusive mental images/thoughts and these have been affecting my life for about a month now. I can’t do anything without it being triggered. Literally anything triggers these thoughts and I can’t stop it. I tell my boyfriend about these as he says he wants to know. I know that these thoughts upset him as they’re sexually inappropriate and I hate them. Some of the thoughts are of people from my past which I have always felt guilt and shame over or people i have seen on social media or shows. Sometimes they are just random too. I suggested one time that I try and not tell him the thoughts as I think that gives it more power and why they’re coming back. He also asks questions about the thoughts which I understand where he’s coming from but that also gives it more power I think. But he said he would want to know and doesn’t want me to start hiding them. I’ve tried so many times to get him to understand and he knows that it’s not in my control he just can’t understand why it’s happening. He always asks “why now” or “why” when I tell him a thought has come up. But to be honest I don’t know and if I did I would stop it from happening. He tells me to fix it and to sort myself out. Im trying my hardest and sometimes it’s tough to be positive about it but I know it’s what my partner needs. He’s usually so supportive of me and there for me but recently he’s just been getting angrier with me. I get that for him it’s a lot but it makes it worse for me as I feel like I’m completely alone with this. I hate having to tell him a thought has come up as I see how much it hurts him. And I do adore him and only have eyes for him so I want him to feel like he is the only one (because he is) but I know the thoughts aren’t helping. I tried explaining to him a mental compulsion I guess that I do and he was trying to understand but he basically said that it sounds like I’m purposefully thinking of something else as well. I know it’s a lot for him and I can’t help the thoughts and I wish I could for him. I’m just really scared about what’s going on in my head and finding help isn’t easy as I’ve moved to the UK to be with him so don’t have my normal doctors or anything. My boyfriend is an amazing guy, I don’t want to paint him as horrible because he isn’t. I know it’s hard for him to understand I just wish that sometimes he’d be a bit more supportive. But I understand that not everyone is capable of being there all the time especially when they’re struggling too. I just want it to stop. I feel so alone with this and like no one else is there for me or wants to be there for me. I’m trying so hard each day to make it better and to be positive about it but it just feels constant in my mind. I want to just sleep all the time. I don’t want to go out, I hardly leave the bedroom anymore. I just know that whenever I wake up I dread the day and wish I could sleep forever.

Mads94

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I’ve been where you are, dreading each day the minute I wake up and just trying to make it through until I can go to sleep again. It’s such an exhausting state to be in, but I promise you’re not alone. I also had a partner when my OCD was at its worst, and he had a really difficult time adjusting to the changes in me. When I would tell him about the harm thoughts that were scaring me, he would laugh and say how ridiculous it was and that I would obviously never do that stuff. Of course that’s a normal reaction, but this “reassurance” only fueled the thoughts and made me feel worse. When I started with NOCD, I began involving him in some of the smaller exposures and teaching him the same things I was learning. When he started learning that there are tools, and practiced methods, and certain ways of responding, he started focusing less on the specific thoughts and understanding that it really doesn’t matter what the thought is, because OCD will just pick anything. Maybe if your boyfriend can see this for what it is, a diagnosed mental disorder, he will feel less angry? Because it isn’t you thinking these things, it’s OCD. Whatever you do don’t avoid or try to push away the thoughts, because it only gives them power. I know it’s a lot, and it’s incredibly hard. But there are ways through it. And you have a community on here even if you don’t have one where you live. I don’t know if any of this was helpful, but just wanted you to know you’re not alone.

ListenToTheWind

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I’m sorry Tiana, I think many don’t understand what’s happening when someone has OCD. Getting into treatment is the best thing to do right now. It won’t be solved overnight, but that’s okay.

ListenToTheWind

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@ItWillBeOkay123 We are here for you

jessiemc

Date posted: 45w

I'm so sorry to hear all that, Tiana. Is there any chance that your bf get some education on ocd, to understand that it's a real thing? You're not alone! ♥️

geminileo

Date posted: 25w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

anonymous737...

Date posted: 23w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

natsukashii

Date posted: 19w

How to help my partner help me?

Posting here for the first time, please be gentle, not sure if this is applicable! I definitely struggle with reassurance-seeking especially when it comes to real events, but over time have found ways to self regulate and use self-guided therapy apps and worksheets to help fight any challenging thoughts as they come up throughout the day. There are a few times when I’m unable to do the work myself and don’t feel as emotionally strong, which I feel is reasonable considering how exhausting my symptoms can be (for clarification, I am diagnosed with anxiety but not OCD, although I fear all signs lead me here). Only on the extremely difficult days, I’ll ask my partner for reassurance (he is aware of my tendencies and is quite patient) but he has his own baggage, and having a partner asking for reassurance can be triggering for him, as he was accused of several negative things in his last relationship. He quickly gets overwhelmed with me and feels that I don’t trust him. He is convinced that is the motive of my reassurance seeking. Today in particular, I woke up from a nightmare that reminded me of a past event. After struggling with it myself all day I brought it up in the evening to try and get some help, and did bring it up three times after that. I am always soft and gentle when I ask for help, and even asked for a lighthearted “pinky promise”, which actually seemed to bother him. I understand that it’s not his position to emotionally support me whatsoever and that reassurance seeking can become harmful to the both of us, but for the one-off days where I am having a really difficult time, I feel extremely unsupported by him. For context, my partner has broken my trust before. My thoughts took off during that time. It’s been a few months since then, and me openly seeking reassurance from him is not a frequent occurrence, since I’ve started my self-help. I actually feel I’ve come a long way but I do have days like today that set me back. I love and trust him with all my heart, but man does my inner monologue make me work for it. I just don’t know how to get him to understand that it’s me having to work for it, not him. Unfortunately from the way he reacts, I’ve grown to feel unsupported by him, and am now rarely emotionally vulnerable with him. I am curious if there are any suggestions on helping him help me in a sense.. I don’t know how to get him to understand that it has nothing to do with a lack of trust. I have briefly opened up to him about my strong intrusive thoughts and figured it would help him understand a bit better but I don’t know what to do. I want to add: I have tried talking to him about how I felt unsupported. He just tells me he feels accused and would be supporting me at his own expense. He has even told me that I shouldn’t talk to him about these things, even though the thoughts I struggle with are directly related to events in our relationship. I really can’t seem to get through to him.

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Feeling Unsupported With OCD

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