My OCD theme is getting worse, i think.

Okay, i hope this is my last post in a long time lol, because i think i may be getting worse due to this. I have what i believe is Incest OCD. I have struggled with this since July 25th, and it has been a complete hell for me. I think/i fear of falling in love with my sister, and it started like an unwanted adrenaline rush when i saw her one morning. Idk why i felt that way, but i havent stopped thinking about it. I have had almost non stop anxiety since that day, i've been ruminating about it and googling and all of those nasty compulsions we all know. I used to have groinals (an extremely powerful arousal sensation, to be precise) that is gone now, when i learned that focusing on them Made it Even more powerful. The thing is... i have been having small times of happiness and numbness nowadays. Like, no anxiety (apparently) at all. I still have these thoughts but... it feels weird, like if i'm accepting them and they don't scare me no more, but still have immense guilt over it. I fear that this happiness/numbness may mean that i'm actually in love with her now or something like that (which i don't want to be true, i swear). I feel guilty over all happiness i get. I even stopped editing videos, playing videogames and hearing music because of this weird "enhightened" happiness that idk what it truly means. I can't truly enjoy anything now. Idk what to think anymore. I feel like i have turned into what i feared the most. I know it's wrong, and i swear I would never do anything to my sister, but this feeling is weird. I don't want it to be true, i feel i Will never be in peace with myself. I have tried to avoid as many compulsions i can (looking at her to check if i feel something, avoiding her...) but i still feel worse than before. I even had suicidal thoughts because i don't like this theme of course, but now these suicidal thoughts are gone as well... Hell, i even remember i had never felt any kind of weird emotion or arousal to my sister before all of this started. I'm trying so hard to convince me this is not me, but my OCD doing bs to my mind. I miss those old times i could be with her without thinking this shit. Any advice will be welcome. I'm trying to be detailed with how i feel because this is just hell for me and i want to know if someone feels remotely the same as me I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with OCD in only one session, so idk if it's a valid diagnosis. I have had many other obsessions with different themes (Harm/Self-harm intrussive thoughts, obsession over Dementia and Rabies...) , so thats why i hope this may be OCD as well. More recently, i was diagnosed with Severe Depression and Moderate Anxiety by another psychologist. She doesnt think i have OCD as I don't have "physical compulsions" like washing My hands for hours or stuff that bothers all aspects of My life (even though my school is being affected, and of course i try to avoid being with my family or talking/thinking about sex or Even talking to my uni crush, which triggers my anxiety). I hope i wrote all of this correctly, as i'm not a native English speaker. Any advice or story related to this is welcome.

tylerdurden

Date posted: 37w

omg this is exactly how i feel now!! i relate with everything you said, literally, it's quite scary that our experiences are completely the same. when you said that you look at your sister to check if you feel something, that's exactly what i do!! i'm so so sorry you're going through all this

Kai95

Date posted: 37w

I fortunately got better. In Feb 2024 my mom got bronchitis, so that kinda snapped me out of the OCD cycle. I had been feeling great since the, until I had a relapse around the end of October. Its the hardest theme i have ever experienced, and i still have bad days, but no thing compared to when it all started. Have faith on the treatment (or even life circumstances).

Legends123.

Date posted: 23w

Please help

Hello everyone, forgive my bad English since it is not my native language, I have been suffering from OCD for 6 years now. It started with being afraid of harming my loved ones and soon it escalated. All of this leads us here towards sexual obsessions. I was abused many times when I was a child. I don't know if that had any impact on my sexual issues. so everything lead up to a intrusive tought of what would happend if i touch myself with a picture of your parents" and I ended up paying attention to the intrusive tought and i ended up doing what my intrusive tought told me so i said to me "OCD would make me touch myself for everything i loved so what, i would do it before the anxiety attacks" and I end up in a spiral of having touched myself by several photos of my family members, friends and even my own therapist all wanting to prevent future compulsions and anxiety now I only think about taking my life, I never wanted that to happen I am not a monster who has sexual desire towards my loved ones I fell under my own intrusive thought and the only thing I think about now is taking my life life for what I've done

AnonymousAnx...

Date posted: 22w

My OCD experience

I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Need help, PLEASE +18

I got diagnosed with OCD (variant POCD) about 3/4 yeats ago. Lately I've been really confused and makes me uncomfortable this ideas that I've had dreams in my sleep where I have romantic/sexual interactions with my older sibling— I know it's disgusting, and I don't know what to do. Recently I got a boyfriend after years of being without a partner, and he makes me so happy along my friends, but sometimes at random points of the day I have this episodes with minors or my sibling, and the ones with him start to go heavier when I'm at home or alone. The first thing that comes to mind for me to do is always how much I don't wanna live, harm myself or what is my purpose at this point (22fem) having this problems. I feel weirded out when I pass them over, and suddendly think about not giving them the atention because how important they are in a negativa way. I'm just anxious writing this, I need help. Is someone living the same? How do you work on it? I will always be like this from now? — thanks in avance and sorry for mistakes, english isn't my first language

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My OCD theme is getting worse, i think.

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