- Date posted
- 1y
Big ol TW, but I need some advice on how to cope
Y’all I need some help processing this. Will probably delete this eventually so it doesn’t circle back around somehow. I don’t think X is on this app though. I don’t want reassurance, but advice. Sorry this is so long. so I was talking to a friend who’s going through it on Snap. I know I’m the asshole in this situation. They, we’ll call them X for privacy, were a bit drunk. They got some bad news and was drinking at a buddy(?)’s house. I hadn’t talked to them since like maybe late night/early morning yesterday. I hadn’t opened the message yet, but I get one at 5 AM yesterday. I respond later around 1-2 AM ish today (when I’m writing this). The 5 AM message was that a mutual friend just suffered a loss. Me and this mutual friend had been through some tough dark shit that took a toll on me mentally, so I’m keeping my distance until mutual friend reaches back out (hopefully when they’re better mentally). There was another snap at 9 PM yesterday of the typical picture of our face that we send each other- kind of like a streak on Snap but not. I express my condolences to X, since I had seen this mutual friend’s post about the loss and chose not to respond for the aforementioned reasons. X was torn up about it and had already been drinking socially (maybe just one drink or two), but had cut themselves off so they don’t overdo it. They kept saying that they needed to stay quiet so they don’t say something they regret. They promptly followed up by saying they’re annoyed (via snap picture), so I ask what’s up. They weren’t going to press into it, so I wasn’t going to either. They said they were just gonna listen to some music, so I let them go for the night, say my goodnights, and so on. I had already had music playing since I was about to play a video game and like music in the background. Once the convo started getting to where X sounded kinda sad, I turned the game off and left the music playing while we texted. The band is pretty depressing, but I love their music. I thought we were done talking, so I post a song from this band to my story. It’s not a one off, I post songs to my story almost daily. I knew it might trigger them some, but I didn’t expect them to swipe up and respond. I genuinely love the song and had posted it to my story several months ago as well (before I even knew X to begin with). Because, like I said, I thought we were done talking. They respond by saying they almost un//alived to this band’s music. I didn’t respond because how tf am I supposed to?! I don’t know when this incident occurred or if it was when we already knew each other. We’ve only been talking for a few months, so we’re still in that getting to know you phase. I knew X struggled with mental health, namely depression early on in our friendship. I couldn’t bring myself to play the video game I wanted to. It didn’t feel right. I might’ve gotten the intrusive thought (maybe that’s what it was) to trigger them on purpose and did it anyway. So it might of been intentional. I’m such an asshole. I don’t know how to deal with this and I can’t believe I did this. How do I process that???