I defeated HOCD and TOCD came with vengeance

I think I legit defeated hocd. I confronted the fear stopped caring and got a huge feeling of “what are you doing you don’t like this thing” I felt ridiculous level of freedom and got back to who I was before all this Then in the back my secondary obsession ( trans ocd) hit me in the most violent way. The thoughts were as intense as ever, it truly felt like torture, overwhelming and so intense I wanted my Brain to fucking EXPLODE and leave me alone Anytime I am enjoying myself in my skin and gender it would come back with doubt, in such a vengeful and like…I don’t know how to describe it. It’s almost like bullying, punishment, as if my own psyche wants to legit fuck me up for DARING to move on I did some breathing exercice and I am trying to calm down. I hope one day I get over this

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Sorry you are going through this! I hope to be able to conquer my SO-OCD and get a grasp on it like you did. I’m so sorry that it shifted with a vengeance, but you can defeat TOCD too! It sounds like you have some very good techniques in play for doing so. Although, I do relate to the negative stuff popping up when you start to feel normal or enjoy yourself.

Antoinekoi6

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I am doing better right now. When you’re spiraling it’s like you’re trapped forever but it’s all thoughts, it’s all fake. I enjoy being a man way way too much, it legit makes me feel euphoric so I know it’s bullshit. But you have to go through the storm it’s the only way to heal. Be courageous and let your brain throw every bullshit at you, without fear I think the WORST compulsion is avoidance. Avoidance keeps this shit alive because it leaves an unexplored idea that your brain can use to say “well you didn’t test this one” Don’t do avoidance be brave and face the fears, it’s my biggest advice

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Glad you’re better right now, and I’m sure you’re right. My shit got bad in January of my freshman year of college. I’ve been avoiding, shoving everything away, ignoring, and distracting since. It was fine for awhile, because I thought this is just how I am, and this is what I have to do to feel normal. Then, it just got more intense with mostly ROCD over the past year, and now to the point where it is debilitating. I think the avoidance might be what took it there.

Antoinekoi6

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous When it flares up don’t try to distract yourself just sit with it

Nica

Date posted: 1y

Since you overcame one theme, you now know how to do it with another, but just shift it to another topic which in your case is TOCD instead of HOCD.

Antoinekoi6

Date posted: 1y

@Nica TOCD is even worse I think ( I know I know ) because it attacks your identity as a man….. Yeah you know what I said the same for Hocd too. It’s the same thing, I have been working on the TOCD. The hardest parts are the bodily sensation, they can feel very intense and real. Advantage is nowwwww I know they are bullshit. I am going to win this, I am more optimistic nowadays. I want to heal because I want to be able to help others overcome it

Anonymous56

Date posted: 1y

Do you have any tips on overcoming Hocd? I’ve been diagnosed with it for about a year now and I can’t seem to get rid of it

Antoinekoi6

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous56 The way I did it is to confront the fear. If your brain starts to scare you about something? Don’t back down actually go and look for this thing. Subject yourself to it I overcame it through erp. Erp is the way it’s the best treatment. One thing that helped me with hocd was doing erp

Anonymous56

Date posted: 1y

@Antoinekoi6 What are some erp exercises I can do

Antoinekoi6

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous56 Pictures of very feminine men, pictures of very attractive men. Always focusing 100% on a thought or image when it scared me and sitting with the discomfort

f7nn

Date posted: 19w

My current predicament

Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too

Vee <3

Date posted: 14w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Any Advice?

Hey everyone, just wanted to post an honest update on where I’m at in my HOCD recovery. Right now, I'm stuck in what feels like a 24/7 spike — nonstop thoughts, intrusive sensations, identity doubts, and hyperfocus. The worst part? It feels real. Like I’ve “lost,” like I’ve accepted it, like I am gay. The thoughts don't feel like anxiety anymore — they feel like truth. I’ve been trying to do ERP, but the spike has been so constant I don’t even have to “do exposures” — the thoughts, feelings, and sensations are just there all day long. It’s like living inside an exposure. And it’s exhausting. BUT — here’s what I’ve been doing (and what I’m sticking to now): I say once: “These thoughts and feelings are welcome to stay for as long as they want.” I let the doubt, the feelings, the hyperfocus exist. I don’t check, test, or analyze — even when it screams at me. I live my life anyway — folding clothes, watching TV, eating, walking — with the storm in my head. Even when it feels 100% real. Even when I’m fully focused on it. I’ve stopped trying to feel better. I’m letting it all burn — and just not fixing it. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like progress.

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I defeated HOCD and TOCD came with vengeance

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