I’ve lost my interest in men. I’ve been telling myself what if I’m gay for over a year now and I feel like I’m gay now. I feel like my biggest worry is coming out now. In my religion and culture it’s wrong and I don’t want it. It all started as a movie scene last year. I’ve accepted it I’ve given up. I feel like I’ve been in denial the past a year. I’m on tinder looking at girls now cause I don’t know anymore. Now I can’t seem to find someone I’m interested in I can’t see myself kissing a girl or sleeping with one. I just truly believe I’m gay and I have to call my mom and come out. I want to cry. I’m nervous idk what’s real. Am I gay? Or is this ocd? Am I bi? Should I come out? Was my life a lie? Am I in denial cause it’s unacceptable? Will my parents love me? If I’m worried about them then it’s cause I’m in denial right? Ugh I want to die.

I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.

Okay so having a lil anxiety attack right now because the thought of being gay aint scaring me anymore and now i feel like i truuuly am gay and like i have to come out to my parents and like im pressured by myself and not accepting myself and it feels just too real and idkkk its crazy how i can go from okay to this stage again. I feel like i try not to fall in love with woman and im holding myself back but if i truly was gay wouldnt it just liked the same sex earlier in my life. Like it just happens right? So ive never had that but i feel like im blocking myself from likjng woman but jve never liked them in my whole life so idk what im tryna convince myself. I cant lie, This generation is rlly hard on me when it comes to my hocd. Evergwhere around me people are comjng out and it makes it look like being gay is a huge posibility and that i could easily be gay when u look at how many people are gay. That it wouldnt be a weird case like so many girls are lesbian why wouldnt i be. What would make me straight and them gay? The thing is all these questjoms once were never in my head and all the answers were so clear i didnt even had to ask the questions to myself. But why do i now? Makes me feel like im gay because straight ppl would never ask themselves these questions...

Please someone help me. I feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I don’t have ocd. It’s too real. The intrusive thoughts aren’t as frequent, I don’t have anxiety or do compulsions. I’m not even against the thoughts anymore. I can’t explain how real it feels. It can’t be ocd and the thing is I just don’t want to like girls. That’s it. I just don’t want to. But that sounds like I’m resisting my sexuality and it feels like this too. I’m sorry to everyone on this app but I don’t think I’m like u anymore. If things like internalised homophobia and comphet didn’t exist then I’d know I was straight but they do so now I think I’m just that. I don’t want to marry a girl or have sex with one or anything. I want to be straight and just fucking live my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I haven’t had a crush on a boy for years even though my ‘ocd’ started in the summer. I’ve had loads of male celebrity crushes that I’ve felt like I’ve loved and I don’t understand how those could’ve been fake but they must have been. Compulsions don’t comfort me I just watch tv to distract myself and that’s it. I can’t do this shit anymore. I don’t want to like girls but I have to be either bi or lesbian. Please I just want to be straight I don’t get it.