I am so sad

First off, good job at getting the upper hand on your ocd. Now seems like you need to nurture your friendships and maybe start looking for a relationship even! Friendships are amazing, and after relocating, or post highschool, post college ect, they can be hard to find new ones, but it's important. Go attend some in person events, concerts (maybe not the best place to talk to people, but lots of like minded people) the gym, outdoors groups, book clubs ect. Good luck! And remember you can't let your friendships atrophy, it is important to keep up with them for both sides. Sounds like you still have some established friends you can reach out to, maybe explain to them why you have been distant and you want to start to get together and hang out again, because friendships are important.

You haven't done anything to suffer from this, it just is something we have to overcome, at least that's how I see it. Our willingness to walk through the fire and snuff out this disease t is just part of our circumstance, but it also doesn't define us. I agree with the annoyance you share all of the woke trends too; but we can combat this and not get lost in online discourse about it all by creating strong community connection with our local friends/families ect. I realize this is outside of the scope of purely OCD stuff but if those things trigger your ocd you don't need to second guess your self, sit with those feeling and let them pass, and the more you build intentional community and deepen friendships/relationships the more you realize that media doesn't control you whatever it is pushing. It is just a tool to sell people things, but if you have a strong friend group, you can create your own culture from that and not be so effected by the mass push of consumerism ect. This is another big reason I like to go to the gym. strength and conditioning can only be brought on by ones own work put in; it cannot be bought or sold by anyone. You have to put the work in. I view my own contamination ocd as something to be overcome in this manner as well. I put in the work and I come out better because of it. It seems like you already have done a lot of overcoming yourself, but sometimes may get lost on "having the thoughts" still, regardless you may have them sometime, it's how you handle them, let go and move on into more fruitful labors that is the constant overcoming. We cannot get lost in the apathy or victimhod if comparing ourselves to others without ocd in this regard, because most people simply just don't have it, but that doesn't change that we do, and we must work overcome it. That is part of our alchemical quest in this life. To be able to live unbothered, or at least relatively unbothered by our ocd. To realize when we have these thoughts we will ourselves to walk through the fire and overcome them. I know I used alot of dramatic writing for this, but I think if we view our life as a constant alchemical process to distill it gives us resolve to constantly push forward. I hope this helps.

When i talked to my friends, i realized that this was from the bottling up of emotions from ocd. Though the things weren't wrong, the extent wasn't that much of an issue as i had created. I can control my ocd, but after the thoughts come. That's what bothers me. Ocd may be chronic, but it doesn't stay all the time. It can 100% go away, and the failure to do that bothers me. What have i done in life to suffer from this ? Combine this with the woke trends and forcing content on young kids and people in general, and i somewhat hate things related to hocd (gays, things that seem not masculine, etc.) Earlier i was unbothered even though i didn't support all of those things. This whole thing is frustrating, as my sub type makes me question my whole identity. I know i am right, but the presence of thoughts still make me question.