Relationship OCD

I’m currently in a very happy relationship and i love my partner. The problem is, he has a very attractive friend that is also my friend now! I keep getting fears of me liking his friend and now i dont know how i’m supposed to act around him. I wish i could avoid him forever but i cant. And me not avoiding him makes me feel so guilty because i feel excited when he’s there and it feels so wrong. Also, Im so scared i would wanna go to an outing just because he’s there. I cant tell whether those fears are real and might actually happen or if they’re intrusive. I dont even know if i like him or i just see that he’s attractive and it’s messing with my head making me think i actually like him. It’s haunting me!

Joe87

Date posted: 2y

I think it's perfectly normal to find a partners friends attractive and even feel like you're becoming infatuated with them. I think you would be hard pushed to find anyone who has never found a partners friend attractive in the way that you do and I personally think that more you try to not find this person attractive and the more you try to avoid him the more you will think about this and the more attracted to him you will feel. It's also okay to like this person and even feel excited around him. Just because you're in a happy relationship with someone that you love doesnt mean you aren't going to feel a strong attraction to anyone else and sometimes that just happens to be out partners friend. My feeling is that your need to practice erp on this and tell yourself that it's okay to feel this attraction but that it doesn't mean anymore than that. There is also a chance that your partners friend feels the same way about you. It may of also crossed your mind that mayve there a chance your parners friend feels the same about you and you know what maybe he does maybe he doesnt and its also okay if he does but you're in a happy relationship with someone you love so my further advice would be to never act on this attraction if the opportunity ever presented itself as it would likely just result in a lot of hurt for all 3 of you. I hope this advice is helpful and brings some relief

OCDnomorrrre

Date posted: 2y

@Joe87 Its very very helpful! Thank you so much!

OCDnomorrrre

Date posted: 2y

@Joe87 I just hate that he’d be in a similar situation. Infatuated with one of my friends and wont avoid them so thats why i dont wanna see his friend

Joe87

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Do you have OCD? I know that might seem like a silly question because we are on an OCD app

OCDnomorrrre

Date posted: 2y

@Joe87 Yes i do i was diagnosed long time ago and then again a year ago when i went to a different doctor

Joe87

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Okay so I first had ocd when I was about 14 but I had no idea what it was back then or that it even had a name I just thought I was weird. Somehow I managed to shake it after around 6 months and it was nowhere near as bad then as it has been this time when I started to strugle with it 4 years ago. I was 32 then and I am 36 now still really struggling and trying to overcome it Some of the things I am beginning to learn about OCD which you might already know. Regardless of what we are obsessing or overthinking about OCD will do everything in its power to keep us stuck ruminating, feeling horrible, looking for answers and certainty and then even when you get what feels like a good enough answer or explaination OCD will try and keep you ruminating and feeling horrible about the same thing or latch onto something else like it just has here. Youre now worried that there's a chance that he could feel the same about one of your friends and you could very easily now let your mind run away with this thought which also keeps you stuck with the original thought. Do you see where I'm going with this?

OCDnomorrrre

Date posted: 2y

@Joe87 Yeah this thought is what is making it hard to accept my initial though cause it makes me stuck with the guilt. I totally get ur point i just dont know how to deal with it without all the guilt. Im scared of ERP because of the guilt too

Joe87

Date posted: 2y

@OCDnomorrrre Yes I totally get this and feel the same. When there is guilt, shame or any negative emotions accompanying the OCD it's hard to know if it is them emotions causing the OCD or the OCD causing them emotions. It's like the chicken and the egg which came first. 1 thing that I know for sure is that I have had over 120 hours of talk therapy split between 3 different therapist to try and address all of the negative emotions I feel about myself and about some other people and it hasnt really worked. It might work for people without OCD but when you have OCD it will do absolutley everything that it can to prevent you from feeling better but that doesn't mean that it's not possible and that's what keeps me going

weekdm

Date posted: 28w

how did you deal with that?

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Relationship OCD- fear of cheating

I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?

Dalia H.

Date posted: 24w

Tired of constantly questioning intentions.

Despite the fact that I have never once acted flirtatiously with someone else over the course of my 3-year relationship, never talked to anyone inappropriately, never touched or interacted with anyone inappropriately, I have been battling constant ROCD obsessions centered around cheating ever since my partner and I got together. I am constantly worried about whether certain things are cheating: daydreaming about another person (already told my partner about this and he said it was okay and that he does it too), talking in a group chat with someone, sitting next to someone, speaking to them in person. I question my intentions. I worry that I cheated by wearing my hair a certain way in an attempt to look more attractive or by jokingly poking someone with a fake sword (despite doing it to other people too), looking through someone’s social media, etc. I have confessed so many ridiculous things to my partner and he’s always told me that none of them are cheating. I feel so guilty for being attracted to someone else, despite the fact that my partner said it was fine and normal. I have made a very very conscious effort to limit my interactions with this person. I never ever ever ever message them privately, I make an obsessive effort to NOT reply to their messages in a group server (constantly keeping track of the ratio of my replies to their messages compared to other people’s), to ignore them when I see them in person and hardly ever speak to them or initiate conversation with them. Yet I still feel like a disgusting dirty cheater who is hiding a big secret.

Sillygoose27

Date posted: 20w

Intrusive thoughts about others

I am in a relationship but I cannot stop getting thoughts about this new coworker I met, my mind convinces me they are so attractive and so great and I hate it so much. My current relationship has its imperfections (as every one does) but I am so happy with her and have always been so loyal. Would OCD target those imperfections and exploit this situation? Additionally I believe I’m feeling ROCD fears of cheating but I know in every opportunity I’ve talked with other women I am loyal to my partner by bringing her up. Does anyone experience the same thing? Is this really OCD or other subconscious intrusive thinking?

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