Harm OCD with a spouse.

I often fear hurting my fiancé but I often don’t avoid because I can’t we live a in a small home but my first instinct was to go back to my dads because I didn’t want to hurt her. But I know that’s not something I really want and that I love her. I do tend to tuck away in my game room a lot and I don’t know if that’s my way of getting away from her but we sleep together so I don’t know if I have just gotten used to being around her no matter how much the thoughts bother me. Is this a normal thing?

Liz1342

Date posted: 1y

I am going through the EXACT same thing! My biggest fear in the world is losing my fiancé, and my ocd latched onto him. It has been horrible, my fear is randomly stabbing him for no reason. It makes me sick. What do your thoughts sound like?

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Liz1342 Whew honestly it feels good to know that I’m not only which is unfortunate for the both of us at the same time. I don’t know it’s random it’s it can be violent like we went to walk in the woods and it was like a flash of, this is not easy to say, but like me leaving her there and I panicked and was like let’s get out of here.

Liz1342

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Just know you are not alone. Mine started with fearing I’d sleep walk and hurt/murder him without knowing (mind you I have never been a sleepwalker) it was completely irrational. Then it jumped to “what if you would do if on purpose?” We just have to be strong and learn to trust ourselves again. It’s just ocd playing games. It is so so hard to distinguish thoughts from things we want, especially when ocd makes us guess EVERYTHING.💔

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Liz1342 Thank you and you too stay strong I know all of us can get through this. I have been better for the last 2.5 years before this came back around so I know we can. Yeah I was the same way scared that I could develop a split personality and do something without knowing it which was irrational and this is too but I battle all day about yeah but what if this… fill in the blank. Do you ever feel guilty about it and then want to immediately go hug your spouse?

Liz1342

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Haha I do this all the time! The guilt I felt during the worst of this was so hard. I felt like I was letting him down and a danger to him. It’s so hard when the person it attacks is the one who brings you the most comfort. I was experiencing depersonalization/ derealization after a panic attack and that’s when I really felt like I had gone crazy. It was this what if/ maybe I COULD do something bad like that.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Liz1342 So true it attacking the people you love the most is the worse part like I know I won’t do these things but it freaks me out that have the thoughts or that on certain days when I feel normal that I could be that way because I’m not feeling guilty right now so then I feel guilty for not feeling guilty 😂😮‍💨. It’s a vicious cycle for sure. Yeah I do get derealzation quite a bit but never knew how to explain or what the name was for it for a long time. I would feel so stuck in my head that everything around me wasn’t a concern just the battle was. Thank you for commenting it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the way I’m feeling about this disorder. And keep strong when dealing with this.

Liz1342

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous “I’m not feeling guilty so it must be true!” Goes through my head several times a day!! Haha.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Liz1342 Same lol it’s honestly the worst part because I’ll actually be enjoying some moments like it’s quite for a while and then the moment I realize that it’s like the gloves are back on 🙄😅😂.

Liz1342

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Yes!! Then your brain is like “you’re enjoying life??no no you have “fill in the blank” to worry about!! Lol

Mitch4

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Your not alone with intrusive thoughts like that, the best thing to do let them pass and don’t give them thought even tho it can be hard. Wanting to get out of the is giving into OCD and makes your brain think that it actually is a problem and in return will typically send these thoughts or even images more often. I find when something like that happens focusing on the feeling I get *anxiety* rather than the thought will help the thought pass. Best wishes

aaanonymous

Date posted: 23w

harm ocd during intimacy

18+ i was having intimacy with my lover. i was frustrated and i had a thought like "hurt her physically", i think i Remember not agreeing with it. i didn't hurt my lover they were fine they never felt hurt physically, but im afraid i might have done some action with the intention to hurt them but maybe i wasn't violent enough? idk. i don't remember any action with that intention so that's that. it happened like a couple of hours ago and im afraid i forgot about it. also, i get anxious because sometimes when i have intrusive thoughts i kind of act on it? not as in like doing what the intrusive thoughts tells me, but something similar that is better in a way? like today i had a thought like "grope your lover in public" but instead of doing that i just squeezed their waist. so idk im afraid i might have done something similar here

anonymous737...

Date posted: 23w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

Thejollygian...

Date posted: 22w

My Harm OCD

Basically long story short, ive been dealing with anxiety for a very long time all my life I'm 23 now but about 5 months ago my anxiety started to get really and I overthink a ton and get worried to easily. So my chest hurt for a while from stress at work made me worry why it was hurting, then me worrying and thinking worse case scenarios was making it worse. So i and to go to the doctor and got diagnosed properly with anxiety and I have a med now that I take when I really need it called hydroxyzine but I also have another med that is Zoloft that I have been taking for a about a month now, to help with my intrusive thoughts I have sometimes i only get them when im stressed or when I'm by myself or when i just overthink in general, my loneliness depression is one of the reasons for my anxiety because I wish I had someone as in partner wise to love me and for me to love them. But anyways I've had intrusive thoughts about possibly hurting myself and family, or even my dog. Ive never acted on any of my thoughts in the past and I don't want to but I have had anxiety attacks when everything feels to real and really scares me. I constantly have the thought of am I crazy or am I becoming crazy and stuff and I've done a lot of looking stuff in the past about symptoms but most of them are identical to what anxiety is so it's hard to tell the difference. It's been probably 2 weeks since we last talked. I've been mostly doing good. But I just was wondering if had a little Harm OCD intrusive thought happen yesterday that targeted my Aunt at work she was complaining all day and when it got closer to the end of the shifts for us. I was already annoyed with a situation that happened earlier in the work day. But she came into my department and then went back over to hers and I said it out loud to myself and said you better get back over there or I'll, I tried to say something else because the word I was going to say was kill you. Obviously I don't but that's what my intrusive thought wanted me to say. And made me think thats why i got to hurt her to stop her complaing So the rest of the night I was saying she is safe I am safe I'm control, like this is just anxiety lying to you, it's just because I'm tired and got annoyed earlier. I can't tell if it was working or not because I was so tired and just wanted to go home. But after work her and I spent time together at our house she was on the one couch and I was on the other with a bunch of our dogs in the living room. I tried to keep my mind off of what happened, and I was fighting some stomach achyness already. But I obviously don't want to hurt her and we had conversations just fine. But I went to my other aunt house at night after work to go to bed because she has to watch my aunts dogs because my other aunt and family is on vacation. But anyways I'm trying to get over that word Kill, that word is what is scarring me and sticking. Like my anxiety is lying saying kill, or basically do harm. I don't want to do anything bad but I'm trying to shake that feeling and stickiness of that word. I'm just so scared and worried.

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Harm OCD with a spouse.

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