I have Rocd and I keep on getting a bad feeling in my chest about my bf like to where I have anxiety! The feeling is telling me he’s doing something behind my back but I have his insta and snap passwords and everything! I don’t know what to do I almost wanna look thru everything which I kinda have already! I don’t know what to do bc I hate this pit in my chest feeling and I’m scared it’s not OCD
Id like to start by saying I don’t get to decide what you and your boyfriend think is acceptable in your relationship. In my opinion I wouldn’t be comfortable giving my passwords to my S/O. In my opinion you should have him change those passwords and not tell you what they are, checking is only making you paranoid and reinforcing it. A relationship needs to rely on trust which is so hard when your obsessed with it. I just lost my relationship recently in part to my paranoia and I don’t want you to do the same thing. You have to decide if you trust your partner and if you don’t, find out if that’s because of something he’s done or if it’s simply something you’re creating in your mind.
@Mitchell The reason he had to give me his passwords was bc I went thru his phone and found messages with his old friend who’s a girl and he was sending hearts platonically but I didn’t really care bc you just shouldn’t overstep like that. He also chose his friend and his friends gf over me for months so this kinda caused all this. I told him if he could just focus on our relationship and not to talk to his friends gf so he can focus on us well he lied to me and still talked to them. Also the reason why I didn’t want him talking to her was bc she was overstepping a lot in their convos. I know I shouldn’t have his Snapchat or insta but I needed to see if there was anything else but that’s why I have his passwords and stuff
@Starfish I understand your obsession completely, you were given reason to be uncomfortable and he lied to you. Whether he had ill intent or not isn’t important. Your trust was damage one way or another. I don’t know how long you’ve been together, but the relationship sounds important to you clearly. In my opinion your relationship will fail if you can’t find a way to trust each other. There are definitely ways to try to fix that, but obsessing with his passwords is not one. Couples therapy is always one as it allows you to both see perspectives from each other that neither of you had considered. Assuming both of you would be open to it. There are other ways I’m sure as well.
@Mitchell We have been together for three years and that’s my worst fear is just breaking up. I’m trying to trust him but he’s broken my trust so many times and now he’s trying but bc of the past it’s hard to believe that. I try not to tell him about all this I’ll ask for reassurance but I’ve been resisting to do so now. This pit feeling is what causes me to question him and everyone around me says trust ur feeling but I know OCD is based of feelings and a lot of people get those “ gut feelings” bc of their OCD. So that’s what I’m struggling with rn and it’s making me question everything. I know you said our relationship will fail if i continue like this but I’ve stuck by him thru everything even when he went thru stuff I was always there so if he can’t stick by me bc I’m going thru some stuff too then he never truly cared for me
@Starfish You don’t stay in a relationship that long if the two people don’t care. Ironically my 4 year relationship just ended so I’m trying to accept that myself. Gut feelings may work for people without ocd but they definitely do not work for us. He’s broken your trust many times and that’s definitely a serious problem. People have fixed many extreme problems and I won’t tell you that it can’t be fixed. He might feel like he can’t trust that you won’t take the truth well and feels it necessary to lie. You don’t feel like you can trust him because he’s lying. I think a couples therapist could help, but both parties have to want that. Maybe talk to him about it.
@Mitchell I’m really sorry to hear about thatI know how painful it feels and I hope you are doing better everyday! I’ve told him that we need to communicate and that whatever he feels he needs to make it known so we can fix it together. I think a relationship therapist would be nice but it would be hard rn since he lives a few hours away. I think first me and him should communicate more and also I need to get better with my ocd at the same time
@Starfish Thank you, I’m trying to be okay, has not worked yet but eventually. I’m glad you told him you needed to communicate and tell you how he feels, that’s great. You have to be careful though, both of you, and make sure that you clarify things before getting upset. Maybe he tells you how he feels about something which makes you feel attacked, but maybe he didn’t mean it like that at all or vice versa. In my opinion you should offer the olive branch of trust, ask him to change his passwords and that all you want in exchange is for him to openly communicate with you. That’s obviously entirely up to you that’s just how I’d feel. You guys living a few hours apart doesn’t necessarily mean you guys can’t do some sort of zoom related therapy, but I totally get it being a pain. Starting with communication is absolutely a great start.
@Mitchell Yes I’ve been trying to extend the olive branch and making him feel heard bc it’s a relationship so both our opinions matter equally. I really want to trust him it’s just bc of the past I feel like I have to have his passwords and it’s not like he cheated it’s just he crosses these boundaries but expects me to stay within those boundaries. I wanna not look thru his social media and I feel very depressed that I have to even do so. I’m currently questioning everything he does and it makes me feel like I’m obsessed and I hate it. I hope I’ll get better. Thank you for your advice!
@Starfish You’re welcome. You could also consider therapy for yourself to work on your trust issues. Not saying they’re not warranted to some degree but the stress it’s causing you is unhealthy for you
@Mitchell I just did therapy today I’m gonna try to get better! Thank you again for your advice!!
@Starfish I just saw this. I’m glad, I hope it’s working out for you
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.
I’m not diagnosed with ocd but I feel like I might because I relate to a lot of the relationship posts on here I know I love my boyfriend and I know I can trust him but I get so anxious for no reason I have his location and I can go through his phone without a problem but I get so anxious about being cheated on or him leaving me and it makes me feel like a bad person because I trust him but it feels like something else is telling me like he’s doing something but I have no reason to think that and again I have his location we work at the same place and I’m with him whenever he has off so I don’t get why I do this but it feels like obsession like I stress about upsetting him because I get anxious about upsetting him because it feels like he’s gonna leave me if I do anything to upset him and he’s never done anything to make me feel like this so I don’t get why I overthink like this
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