ROCD

I'm just not sure if I'm experiencing rocd or not.

It feel like I'm struggling and yet not at rhe same time. There's just so much to talk about

Hi, I made a comment below under Sara's comment , you can read there and respond if you want.

Hey Sara, It's alot so I'm going to type a big paragraph up and let you read it. So to start, I'm 21. I am not diagnosed with ocd yet (just got my panic disorder recently), but I have been experiencing what I thought was rocd like symptoms since I was 15. Basically I got into my first real long term relationship at that age. At the 6 month mark, I lost feelings but what I know how was more than likely just the honeymoon phase ending. But my brain at the time didn't realize that was possible. I cried daily, asked for reassurance, googled etc. We stayed together for a year and 4 months, then we broke up. I felt really sad but got over it because I was like huh maybe I just wasn't interested and then I was happy about how it would potentially go away in my next relationship. I then started to date another guy, for a year and a half. For the first 10 months we didn't have any long distance until we finished High school. But my point is, I still had rocd with him, but I cried and everything. I am with My current boyfriend now for almost 3 years after my last one ended. I had rocd for the first week then it disappeared, from there I had like 6 months of just feeling normal emotions, like happy, Mad, sad, jealous, missing him when apart, etc. We have a tough time sometimes, we would "take breaks". Then last year somewhere between May-August, I went completely numb, I didn't get happy, jealous, mad, sad, or miss him when apart, and then a few months ago it started affecting my sex drive too. I don't know if it's rocd anymore or if it's just being uninterested, or another mental health condition. I don't reassurance seek, I don't cry I don't google. The last few weeks I've been sort of struggling, yet I also feel like I'm not struggling at the same time. Yesterday at work I didn't message him right away I responded to others messages first. I don't say I love you to him as often as before. (It went from 2-3 times a day to usually once a day. I feel kind of uncomfortable now saying it more) I'm just not sure if this is ocd anymore or not and it's Annoying, I have this friend who says you should know if it's ocd, or if you want to leave and I can't tell what I want to do.... I know we are both young but at the same time I want those emotions back and I want us to last and work, despite our age and ppl saying it probably wouldn't last. So while I won't ask for reassurance, I'll ask for opinions.

I'm sure its just rocd though?

I guess I kinda want someone to validate how I feel and that it's only rocd, ugh.

@Amber3 Hi Amber, I’m with you on this question even though I don’t deal specifically with rocd. It’s definitely hard to discern at times where the line is between something that’s natural to obsess about and when it turns to actual OCD. There is a difference. From what I’ve learned dealing with ocd is that it has many forms. No matter what it is over, ocd always has a pattern or cycle to it. If there is one obsession or continual obsessions that you seem to try and find relief from and causes you to act out compulsions physically or mentally but it doesn’t ever end up solving the issue at hand, then it’s ocd. OCD will always hook on some sort of obsession and drive a person to try and defeat it with checking and checking can take many forms like “seeking reassurance” I know I may sound super general in my description of this but OCD never presents any new tricks it sticks to the same old pattern but it switches what to obsess over once you conquer something that’s been bothering you for a while. So it’s essential to always go back to the basics of how OCD works. That’s the first part. The second part is learning how to do ERP either through therapy or YouTube or online help etc. in order to expose yourself to the obsession and help to walk in a new direction. That’s where I’m currently at, is taking that step into the unknown trusting that this will get better. I hope this helps in some way! God bless.

@Amber3 Hi Amber, I am sorry you’re going through this - it is so hard. I feel like I have a similar situation in that my OCD isn’t latching onto the actual relationship anymore but rather my doubts and judgements about the relationship. I am not sure whether they are legitimate feelings of apathy/ambivalence or OCD. You say there aren’t compulsions anymore like googling and reassurance seeking- but it feels like instead of seeking reassurance about the actual relationship itself you’ve moved on to seeking reassurance about whether or not it’s OCD. I am the same. It’s really hard to tell what is OCD versus falling out of love or just growing out of the relationship. The fact is, you won’t likely know which one it is with complete certainty… I have a really hard time with this. In my last relationship- I was really scared because I wanted to have it figured out immediately. It feels so urgent to get answers. I think it’s especially hard to tell what the issue really is in relationships during your early twenties (my ROCD flared up in my last relationship which was 3.5 years, beginning at age 20), probably because we are learning so much about what we want in relationships and what we are okay with/ how to navigate how we feel. It is so hard to tell whether something is a legitimate doubt or OCD. I think it is important to give yourself time and grace. Time usually makes things clearer, if not 100% clear. Also, the things you have identified might be a dip in your relationship satisfaction/connectedness which can happen in long term relationships without necessarily meaning something is really wrong. I am sorry I don’t have any more concrete advice but feel free to message me if you want to talk more. My situation with my ex seemed very similar to what you are describing - honestly still not sure whether OCD was a factor but I understand exactly what you’re going through.

@SaraLM Reading this triggered me😥 I don't want to grow put of my relationship

@SaraLM How can I message you

@Amber3 I thought we could message each other on the app but I’m not actually sure we can - oops. I’m so sorry it triggered you - I don’t think you are growing out of it if you still feel that way! If you’re committed to keeping the relationship going that matters a lot more than transient feelings. That’s ultimately what makes relationships work - feelings come and go especially in long-term relationships. I know because we are young people expect us to change and grow out of things but you are the one in the relationship and you know if it’s something you still want to be in. So don’t feel pressure - if you want to keep it going then do it!

@SaraLM Can I give you my Instagram name ti message you?

@SaraLM I say I felt triggered it's but I'm just so numb

@Amber3 Sure! I don’t really have much more insight - I am still honestly super confused about my own situation haha, so take whatever I say with a huge grain of salt. I can empathize though.

@Amber3 If it helps at all, I think this is OCD. My therapist said it isn’t reassurance to tell you that it’s your OCD acting up. I really don’t think you’d be posting on this forum and worrying so much that something was wrong if it wasn’t OCD. Just my two cents.

@SaraLM Thanks Sara, I think it's just hard for others (even with ocd like yourself) to see it sometimes.

@Amber3 Totally. It’s also hard when people who don’t have OCD automatically label it as relationship issues because they haven’t experienced it. I didn’t want to reassure you too much because I know that doesn’t ultimately help in the long run, but I know how hard it is to be questioning and I think it’s okay to have reassurance that it’s OCD.

@SaraLM I don't even need that Reassurance as in like "oh I've experienced it!" I want Reassurance as in I'm not alone in this rocd journey. There's no issues in my relationship we are practically best friends.

@Amber3 Honestly the time that I definitely had rocd I questioned my relationship and my feelings so much when absolutely nothing was wrong. I totally get it. I really wanted everything to be okay because I wanted the relationship so much but kept worrying about my feelings. It sucked but the worry stopped eventually and everything was okay. I find it comes up most when something is super important to you!

@SaraLM It's popped up in previous relationships for me and it did pop up in this one when we first got together but eventually left then that numbness came out of nowhere like a light switched and then it hasn't left.

@Amber3 When I felt numb, the constant worrying made it even harder to feel things again - I was so focused on the analyzing that there was no room for living in the moment. Also long distance screwed with me because the person isn’t there so feelings can be less intense. One more possibility: for me, changing medications/doses or fluctuations in hormones (birth control or even just my cycle) could contribute to the feeling.

@SaraLM I'm not on any medication but I've just been so focused on NOT feeling anything (numb) bit I was that way once when the honeymoon phase left.

@Amber3 Yeah, I definitely felt like that, and like you say, it made it impossible for me to feel anything precisely because I was so focused on it. It’s a catch 22 - really sucks. It’s because we value our relationships so much, kind of a curse

@SaraLM He's my best friend and I know we are young, but I want us to last, I don't want go grow out of my relationship.

@SaraLM And I know it's crazy but I want to settle with him when we're older

@Amber3 It’s not crazy, it could totally work - being young doesn’t mean it’s not the right relationship! In my past relationships where I do think we grew apart I definitely didn’t feel the way you describe, and I think that’s why it ended. With my ex, I felt honestly more apprehensive of the future than anything, so it sounds like you’re in a much better place.

It's a great possibility i have depression, I've never fully looked intoa diagnosis and I know that aline can make me numb to him.