Does anyone have advice on how to distinguish between ROCD and the wrong relationship? I have ended relationships due to a lot of unrelenting doubt and while I believe the doubt might have been related to actual incompatibility, I am worried it was actually ROCD… now I am having obsessive thoughts about whether I have ROCD or not, it’s exhausting.
I don’t have advice but am just here to say I struggle with the same thing everyday. So many of my interactions with my partner are filtered through a “should I leave or am I just focusing on the negative?” It’s an exhausting search for “certainty” that I understand doesn’t exist, but I get on the rumination wheel every day thinking I can “figure it out” or “fix it”.
@Sunny612 I am so sorry you’re going through this. I completely understand the fear and confusion. It’s hard to be in the moment at all when I’m trying to analyze everything. My therapist told me I need to cut the cycle off before I start ruminating but as you say it really does feel like I need to do it to “figure things out”, even though I never seem to!
Constant doubt with constant satisfaction would be ROCD. Wrong relationship would be no doubt and you are actual certain that it’s not going well. There are some things to self reflect on in relationships but constant doubt that questions already established happiness isn’t a wrong relationship. You just know “eh I’m just not happy and im confident with certain issues going on it’ll cause more issues in the future”.
@JordTheNord I don’t think there was constant satisfaction- I think the doubt came from some real problems but the problems were not huge - I think mostly little incompatibility things. So I felt like maybe OCD was amplifying them and maybe I should have been okay with those things. I definitely wasn’t questioning something that was perfect.
@JordTheNord Thank you for the insight, it makes sense!
@SaraLM If it helps I’ve met amazing women attractive women and I just don’t want to date them. There is nothing I could pick out why but just not feeling it. Now you say there were problems but not huge? Hmm little incompatibility things feel small but they can actually be huge. I feel a lot of little things are just as important as the big in your face ones. So you seem concerned with ideas of “what can and should I tolerate and or not make a big deal of” and that definitely still can be OCD but it can truly just be you figuring out what you’d like to tolerate or learn from others and their relationship to maybe you can stand firm where you are or grow and not have things bother you as much. I know that sounds like a reassurance but I think you might be looking for information. The OCD just might be latching on to “is this OCD or wrong relationship” like your question. So you might just be in wrong relationships and as you said OCD could be amplifying the little things but it seems focused more on “is this truly not working out for me or is it OCD ruining something for me”. So personally I think you are in wrong relationship and actually might want to explore your inner self and to learn from others about their own relationships and take what you need and discard the rest and apply it to yourself. I think the OCD is going after your judgment of not being satisfied with a partner and a genuine curiosity of learning more about yourself in relationships and how you and others view them.
@JordTheNord I appreciate this way of looking at it so much. I think you’re totally right that the OCD is latching onto my judgement. It’s such a perfect thing for it to target because my own judgement is something I doubt a lot. I kind of felt in my gut that the doubts I was having were not really OCD but a feeling that something was actually off. But now my OCD has latched onto the fact that I can’t know for sure. I truly appreciate your words and your thoughtfulness about this - it means a lot!
@SaraLM My pleasure! It’s rough for sure and I’ve doubted myself a lot as well. There just has to be a point where we have to take our own word for it. If we don’t all external things will dictate how we are even if deep down our true self disagrees or wants to go in an opposite direction. Oh and of course the one thing on the inside that will dictate us is our OCD thoughts. I mean it’s the doubting disorder. Before any outside thing sabotages us we do it to ourselves. We must eventually trust and believe in ourselves as we do techniques to help manage our emotions and thoughts because even non OCD ppl experience intrusive thoughts/emotions.
I think a good question to ask would be “are my boundaries being crossed and I’m upset” OR “am I worried about something happening in the future”
Is rocd just imaginary thoughts what ifs with no real reason ? Or could you have rocd with real relationship issues that do bother you in your relationship also ? Even before rocd symptoms started ? Like betrayal or a potential deal breaker ? Constantly thinking about the betrayal and one other thing which is making me question love and compatibility so I’m not sure if it’s just the wrong relationship or rocd
I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.
Please help. Been with my boyfriend for 15 months. 6 months into our official relationship I found out he kissed someone 1 week before he asked out officially. He told me he loved me at that time and I felt we were exclusive. He apparently did not . He also agreed he would not watch porn and lied once about it. I also have been spinning about the types of women he thinks are attractive and I find disgusting so I sent him pictures for months hoping he would say it looks gross but he didn’t and it killed me. Throughout the relationship I have been spinning about these issues really hard and it damaged my trust for him but I know he’s an amazing great guy I just feel very uneasy. It has been 1 year of me spinning about these issues and other little ones constantly texting him everyday and my friends about them to try to figure things out but I am unhappy . 4 months ago I had a severe breakdown and since I am severely depressed and anxious every day all day with thoughts of is this a wrong relationship , comparing him to other men, wondering if I would be happier with someone else. I have been seeing a therapist seeing a therapist one thinks I have rocd and a psychologist doesn’t . Nothing is helping me and I’m on Zoloft . I broke up with him a month ago and I’m still spinning in circles if I made the right decision or if I left over rocd and overblowing the issues that bothered me . Someone please tell me if you think this is rocd (edited)
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