- Date posted
- 1y
I tried to break my people pleasing cycle
I have people pleasing OCD and I always avoid conflicts with people who are mean, so I’m trying to face mean people as an ERP. One hour ago a girl in our major chat group, (she’s the one who have contact with our Doctor to help us)she was kinda mean and arrogant with some of us, we asked her to ask a Doctor an important and urgent question but she refused without any convincing reason, and was acting arrogant towards some of us and made it seems like we’re losers and neglected, so I got annoyed and had a little conflict with her, and another girl told me to stop or it’s gonna turn into a fight, and I don’t mean to cause problems, so at the end I told the mean girl “okay, thanks for hard work” and she ignored it, so I got annoyed again and thought that she didn’t deserve it so I deleted the (thank you for your hard work) part. I know I did right thing by facing her for being mean, but I got triggered I had these thoughts: - I did good and I was finally assertive but I ruined it at the end when I thanked her. - I just let down myself by trying to please her at the end by thanking her. - Now she and everyone think that I got scared of her and decided to thank her. - What if I saw her in college and I was not strong enough to face her again, especially that the Doctor loves her the most. - What if I looked like a troublemaker or a loser to everyone? - No one supported me while talking to her what if I’m wrong? - I feel exposed. - I don’t want problems I can’t handle stress. - I must’ve been more assertive with her. - I must let her know who really I am and she must respect me. - I must take revenge. - I must let her know her place. - I gotta make her feel like loser next to me. - I got triggered so I must be weak and shouldn’t have done this. What I felt: - Stress - Anger - Shame - Embarrassment - Insulted The compulsions that I did: - I responded to my fear of causing a problem and thanked her to lighten up the mood. - I got mad cus she didn’t reply and felt like a loser so I deleted it. - I kept checking who read my chats with her. - I told my friend about and asked for her opinion as way to gain certainty. - I archived the group chat cuz I feel embarrassed and ashamed when I see it. And now I’m facing annoying OCD thoughts about it, I feel so triggered, did I do the right ERP and is it normal to get triggered after it?