In dire need of help

Hi. I found this website through listening to a podcast. I am undiagnosed OCD, but I am absolutely sure I've got it, and I'm really struggling. I feel lonely and my head will literally not give me a moment's peace. It all started a year ago. I have always been the anxious type, but a really intrusive/alarming thought randomly entered my head - it wasn't intrusive/alarming in the sense of distressing explicit content (as I know this is common with OCD), it was intrusive & alarming in regards to the future and a worse case scenario happening. I spiralled from here and over a year later I'm really struggling in this same spiral. I have to check things constantly. If I can't check, I become quickly distressed. But, even if I can check, sometimes it's not enough and I still doubt and become distressed. I am CONSTANTLY scanning for danger - no matter how small, or insignificant. I am CONSTANTLY pre-occupied by worse case scenario and I try and plan repeatedly in my head 'just in case'. I replay the past in my head on a constant loop trying to desperately remember if I did/didn't do something. I then 'test' myself by trying to remember things that I can check in the here and now - if I get it wrong, I become pre-occupied and distressed. I'm very vigilant about 'covering any tracks' where I could have 'slipped up', e.g. did I send that text to the right person? Or fully believing that my phone has malfunctioned and has sent stuff to people who I wouldn't want to see it. I then check and recheck. I have urges to straighten things, touch things etc. when my brain tells me to so that I stay 'safe'. Every OCD incident, pattern etc. I have a real need to share and seek reassurance from friends and family, but not only do I realise that ultimately this reinforces my OCD, friends and family are fed up and have a 'what now?' attitude. It's so lonely and I want to beat OCD once and for all. It's an absolutely miserable way to live.

I have been having these fears about developing schizophrenia, it reached a point where i am starting to almost hear things or the smallest sounds and my mind tells me you're schizophrenic, and i feel this weird sensations in my ear as if someone is whispering yet i can barely hear them, the thing is i am not diagnosed yet because i never work with an OCD therapist but i study psychology so i just used what i learnt to give a meaning to my suffering, many themes of this fear have been happening before and this schizophrenia fear is the last one. I want to know what advice you can give me or ways to make my brain calm down a little bit, i also don't have and can't afford a therapist that's why i am here in the first place I also want to know more informations or experiences with this theme if anyone habe experienced it and what helped you with it I remember feeling better for a while but than i collapsed back, but i am hoping to get better soon too or anytime in the future, I don't want reassurance so make sure you be as real as you can, and thanks 🙏🏻

Hi guys! I had really bad harm ocd about 2 years ago and I went through therapy and eventually got really good at handling it when it would pop up. The other day, I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a girl talking about a guy who was presenting a lot of schizophrenic symptoms but no one paid attention and got him help, he was having a lot of delusions, hallucinating, thinking everyone was out to get him, thought he was Jesus and his dad was the president and ended up doing horrific things. The day after that, I was dealing with some work drama and had the thought of “what if all my coworkers are against me and trying to get me fired”. That really stressed me out, cause I don’t normally think about them like that and I went down a rabbit hole of thinking that was the beginning of me developing schizophrenia, ended up googling stuff all night, taking tests, crying and seeking reassurance. I had a thought the other day “your dad is the president”, this one didn’t stress me out as bad as I knew it was just the video I had seen and it was an intrusive thought about it, and I also didn’t believe it. Today I was with some friends and I got a prize at a place we went and it said “lonely” on it. I do have my moments of feeling lonely and this week has been specifically trying so I had a thought like “oh someone’s out to get me cause I got this”. I know this isn’t logical and it wouldn’t make sense to just randomly get it if someone was truly after me and it was just a stupid prize at a random place, anyone could’ve gotten it. Im just struggling a lot with schizophrenic OCD and thinking I’m in the pre stages of it. In my good moments, I don’t think I am at all and it was all just sparked from the video I watched but in my bad moments, these thoughts feel real!! They really stress me out and make me feel like I’m going to lose my mind causing me to lose my job/ end up in a psych hospital/ never live a normal life/ end up alone, never see me my loved ones/ hurt my loved ones. I just want to feel normal and not like I’m about to lose my mind and everything I care about. Please help!!! Anyone else going through something similar and can help me get through this!