I truly think this all comes from my childhood. Ive stumbled upon porn and damn that has ruined me. The doubt started small but like i knew i liked boys. But now... it has affected me to much. The doubt blew up and im lost. U know i hate that this goes in the way of me having a normal damn life and focussing on some real shit that matters like a jon or watever. Im litteraly out here ruining my teenage years and feeling like i have to come Out and feeling like im a damn lesbian . And u know, that thought doesnt even weird me out anymore??? And j freaking hate jt because if i heard myself saying this before hocd was in my life id laugh at myself. I even feel like i lost my femininity trough this. I canf feel sexy, pretty, elegant anything. I feel like a woman with a purple pixie cut who plays rock guitar and is lesbian while im truly sooo the opposite of that. I miss my old me so muuuch. She was tjis girl that dreamed about her man so innocently. I was so innocent like just here and being a girly girl and i loved that version of me. gosh i feel disgusting like these thoights in my head break me down. Im scared this will effect me forever. Even IF i get over this im scared that one day ill find a man and all of a sudden this returns and goes like, nope u like woman while im litteraly into the guy. Soo much fear. I feel like ill never be able to Love again without having something about my sexual orientation on my mind. What is this modern time doing to me??

I got freaking depressed due to this and look at me? Im a mess. Im out here cursing and shit while i neved used to do that. Nothing is left of my old personality, of my innocense and purity. I know this sounds so extrembe but it hit me, there really is no way back huh? Everyone who doesn tgo trough this is SO SO SO Damn lukcy.

I understand what u feel right now but just be strong and let it pass you will get yourself back because i feel like im getting normal when i choose to ignore these hocd thought and i know it is really hard to ignore because it feels so real and sometimes even indistinguishable but i am telling you from my and others who are facing the same hocd like us you will get yourself back

Have really bad hocd too along with every other theme. Its fucking frustrating and exhausting.not gonna say shit like it'll get better and just keep fighting cuz I hate hearing that cliche bullshit.but just know I'm sorry you suffer from this and I understand how much it destroys your life.i wish you and me could be like most people and just be

@HOCDiagnosed wow thank you for telling a hocd diagnoses person that! At least a trigger warning would help. Im sorry if u were just trying to help but maybe youve noticed im freaking out and calling me anyrhing other than straigjt right now is not helping. Like what even is heteroromanric bisexual??? I want you to know that all i knew before hocd was that k liked guys. Period. Im sorry for going off but all these terms for sexuality seem so bullshit to me. I jusr want back how i used to be.

@jujuandocd thanks for helping me out! Girls like you made me feel not so alone, i know what u mean and ive seen so many woman saying the same and i do understand that im feeaking out for no reason. Bur hocd is here and i cant ger rid of it now. Its litteraly turning everything sexual and poisening everything i used to love. I wish i knew this before hocd. I probably wouldnt be here. Anyway it really helps hearing from girls like you :)

@HOCDaignosed its okay, i have my moments where i freak out. I get that ur only trying to help so please dont feel bad because of my response. I just want you to know that as a person with hocd its really really hard to hear that theyre anything other than straight. Im not seeking reassurance right now but im at a point where im really stressing and when im at a point like that jts hard to hear what u said. I wish you wouldve noticed that i wasnt feeling good and i was panicking but i also cant expect you to read my emotions so im sorry if i offended u. Thanks for trying to help me :)

Exactly, the logic behind it is absolutely zilch.

@ergot25 i truly wish all of us wouldnt have to analzy every single thought and emotion we have. I wish we could just live in the moment like normal people.

Juppp and i did got turned on. But i never liked girls in a romanric way. So basically i liked guys but knew i got turned om buy girls jn porn. So that didnt frighten me and i jusr lived with that. Till one day i started thinking like hold tf up. Im gay. Thats where my hocd came to life. I never was attracted to a girl in real life but still my hocd told me i liked girls in a romantic way and thats whats killing me. I later learned that there are litteraly sooooo many girls out there who are straight and turned on by girls in porn. If only j knew that earlier i truly think all of this didnt happend. It turns out to be a compeltely normal thing to get turned om by boobs in porn for a girl. In real life ive never felt attracted to a woman, i did felt atteacted to men but that stopped ever since hocd. Now my hocd is trying to convince me i like woman in real life

Sexual orientation and romantic orientation should be put together. I think that saying their separate is fictional babble said by people to give more labels.

@TheReptileCyka couldnr agree more. U see ur self marrying a woman or a man like its not ur gonna have a sexual Relatilnship with only woman and and then go on cute dates with only guys? It really doesnt make sense.